Henry: They're opening a new waterpark in Carlsbad. That sounds like fun.
Ed: I'd rather not be shut out of the tube into a pool of water filled with a bunch of 9 year old urine.
Henry: You just described every one of my childhood baths with my brother.

Ed: We served three years together, and I don't think I took one shower without him trying to hide my pants. And he'd wake me up every morning by sticking his junk in my ear.
Tim: Wow, the Navy sounds a lot like my gym.

Ed: This is Tim. He's like a son, only his mother hasn't sued me for alimony. Tim watch out, he's gonna zing you.
Wally Durham: Wally Durham. Good to meet you.
Tim: That's it? You're not gonna make fun of me?
Wally Durham: Nah, why take a job away from your mirror?

Henry: Vince, it's my sister-in-law. It's your wife.
Vince: Whose naked body you need to ogle and tell her she looks hot.
Henry: You don't think it's weird that you're asking me to stare at your wife's naked body?
Vince: Oh, come on, Henry. Just look at my wife naked. Please? Just this once, for me.
Henry: Nope, too weird.
Vince: Cool. I'll give you $50.
Henry: Still too weird.
Vince: Is it still too weird for $100?
Henry: Just weird enough.