Freddy: Anyway, my name is Freddy Brooks, and I am the producer of The Real Divorcees of San Diego.
Vince: Oh, that's our favorite reality show! The finale was amazing.
Freddy: Yeah. I wrote that episode.

Ed: You know what I like most about not wearing underwear?
Henry: I'm with a girl.
Ed: It's easier on the balls.
Laura Griffin: You must be Ed.

Ed: Bonnie, this was the '80s! Morning in America... Reagan was president. Steve Guttenberg was a movie star. Condoms hadn't been invented yet.
Bonnie: I don't think that's right.
Ed: All right, not a movie star, but a working actor. Anyway, the point is I was wild. I drank a lot, had unprotected sex.
Bonnie: Yuck. Go on.
Ed: I was so stupid. Reckless one-night stands with hundreds of random women. God, I'd do it again in a second.