Chef: What's the matter Stan, you seem down.
Stan: I just, I can't concentrate 'cause my dog is gay.
Chef: Well, you know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.

Mr. Garrison: What? What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay.
Chef: Well, you sure do act like it.
Mr. Garrison: I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.

(Stan made something up and got an A-, while Cartman did the same and got a D-)
Cartman: Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-?
Mr. Garrison: Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better 'cause they're better people.

Cartman: Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog.

Jimbo: What the hell? He didn't sing the high F.
Mr. Garrison: Richard Stamos can't sing a high F. He always screws it up like this.
Jimbo: Ned, we are going to get our asses kicked.
Mr. Garrison: (to Richard Stamos) It's obvious where all the talent in that family went!

Pip: Well, I still don't have a helmet.
Chef: I know Pip, the school can't afford helmets for everybody.
Pip: Yes, but, couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet every week? Does it always have to be me?
Chef: Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.

Announcer: I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King!

In 1991, convicted felon Rodney King led police on a high speed chase for nearly eight miles. After he stopped, King was ordered to get on the ground but refused to obey that and several subsequent police commands. When Tazers proved ineffective the officers beat King with batons. This was captured on video by a bystander and later became the centerpiece of the trials. The officers were acquitted of criminal charges, which sparked three days of rioting in Los Angeles. King was later awarded 3.8 million in civil damages.

Bookie: You haven't heard?! John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is gonna sing "Loving You."

John Stamos has starred on many hit shows, including General Hospital, and Full House.