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Cartman is convinced that there is a conspiracy behind the September 11th terrorist attacks, so he sets off to find the real culprit. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey is wondering who went number 2 in the urinal of the men’s restroom. In order to get to the bottom of this, Mr. Mackey puts the Hardly Boys on the case. As it turns out, these two seemingly unrelated mysteries have intrinsic connections, all pointing to governmental involvement.
Jimmy: Who would take a dump in a urinal? It’s just a senseless crime.
Kyle: Anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard.
Cartman: Oh, really? Well, did you know that over one-fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy? Are you saying that one-fourth of Americans are retards?
Kyle: Yes, I'm saying one-fourth of Americans are retards.
Stan: Yeah, at least one-fourth.
Mr. Mackey: You weren’t the one who had to walk in the boys’ bathroom, mmkay, after having to wake up early, you know? There's no, no coffee in the teacher's lounge, and then you walk into the bathroom to just find a big dook laying there in the urinal! Like it's laughing at you!
Joe Hardly: I've got such a raging clue now.
Frank Hardly: Mine's pointing to the left.
Joe Hardly: Oh, Frank, seriously, I've got such a raging clue right now.... I think we better follow it.
Frank Hardly: Ok, let’s follow your raging clue.
Dick Cheney: Dang it! I missed again.
George Bush: For Christ sake, Cheney!
Mr. Mackey: The boys’ bathroom is closed until further notice, because one of you thought it'd be a good idea to pull down your pants, m'kay... hover your butt cheeks over the urinal and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog, m'kay.
Joe Hardly: I was getting a clue like every two minutes.
Frank Hardly: I got such a raging clue that I almost shot clue goo all over Joe.
Mr. Mackey: This is Mr. Venezuela, school janitor, M'Kay. He's the person who has to clean up when some trickster drops a dook in the wrong toilet. Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks an hour at best, M'kay. He's got three kids at home, he's got a car that barely works, he's gotta clean up puke with saw dust, M'Kay. Then he walks into the boys' room and sees a big meaty chud staring him in the face. So when you crapped in that urinal, M'Kay, you might has well have just dropped your pants and laid a turd right on Mr. Venezuela's head.