Episode Quotes
Kirk: Gentlemen. Gentlemen. This, uh, this card game is a kid's game.
Tepo: You think so?
Kirk: Gentlemen. Gentlemen. This, uh, this card game is a kid's game.
Tepo: You think so?
Kirk: Oh, yes. I wouldn't waste my time.
Tepo: Who's asking you?
Kirk: On Beta Antares IV, they play a real game. It's a man's game, but a little beyond you. It requires intelligence.
Tepo: Listen, Kirk, I can play anything you can figure out. Take the cards, big man. Show us how it's played.
Spock: I'm familiar with the culture on Beta Antares. There aren't games...
Kirk: Spock. Spock. Of course the cards on Beta Antares IV are different, but not too different. The name of the game is called, uh... fizzbin.
Tepo: Fizzbin?
Kirk: Fizzbin. It's, uh ... not too difficult. Each player gets six cards, except for the player on the dealer's right, who gets seven.
Tepo: On the right?
Kirk: The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays.
Tepo: On Tuesday.
Kirk: Mm-hmm. Oh, look what you got, two jacks. You got a half fizzbin already.
Tepo: I need another jack.
Kirk: No. If you got another jack, why, you'd have a sralk.
Tepo: A sralk?
Kirk: Yes. You'd be disqualified. You need a king and a deuce, except at night, when you'd need a queen and a 4.
Tepo: Except at night.
Kirk: Right. Oh, look at that. You've got another jack! Ha ha ha! How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. If you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why, then, you'd get another card, except when it's dark, you'd give it back.
Tepo: If it were dark on Tuesday.
Kirk: But what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron... Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?
Spock: I've never computed them.
Kirk: Well, they're astronomical, believe me. Now, for the last card. We'll call it a kronk. You got that?
Tepo: What?
Krako: What do you think, we're stupid?
Kirk: I don't think you're stupid. I just think your behavior is arrested.
Krako: I haven't been arrested in my whole life!
Oxmyx: You better come back down. Krako's put the bag on your captain.
Spock: Why would he put a "bag" on our captain?
Oxmyx: Kidnapped him, ya dope. He'll scrag him, too.
Spock: If I understand you correctly, that would be a problem.
Bela Oxmyx: The most cooperative man in this world is a dead man.
McCoy: We're trying to help you, Oxymx!
Bela Oxmyx: Nobody helps nobody but themselves.
Spock: Sir, you are employing a double negative.
Bela Oxmyx: Huh?
Spock: Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
McCoy: You admit that?
Spock: To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.
Tough Kid: I'll cut off your head and throw it in your face!
Kirk: Now, look, Krako, we're takin' over the whole ball of wax. You cooperate with us, and maybe we'll cut you in for a piece of the action.
Spock: A miniscule... a very small piece.
Jojo Krako: How much is that?
Kirk: That's, um... we'll figure it out later.
Jojo Krako: Thought you guys had laws--no interference.
Kirk: Who's interferin'? We're takin' over. Check?
Spock: Right.
Krako: I want to know what happened.
Scotty: Looks like we put the "bag" on you.
Krako: I got rights.
Scotty: You've got nothing. You mind your place, mister, or you'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
Krako: You mean cement overshoes?
Scotty: Um ... aye.
Spock: Must we?
Kirk: It's faster than walking. Are you afraid of cars?
Spock: Not at all. It's your driving that alarms me.
Spock: I'd advises youse ta keep dialin', Oxmyx.
Kirk: Gentlemen, you two have been brooding ever since we returned to the ship.
Spock: Brooding, Captain?
Kirk: Brooding, Mr. Spock - a somber emotional state. Do you wish to continue it or discuss it?
Spock: Captain, I'm neither brooding nor somber.