Star Trek => Forum Index => The Recaps, Recapped
Gadfly
Heck might as well make it continuing project. Don't feel like you need to comment, it'll just mess up the flow. 
The Enterprise explores a planetoid with several discrepancies: it is the size of the Moon but has an atmosphere and mass similar to Earth. Although the planet appears to be only several thousand years old, the vegetation couldn’t have developed within that timeframe. Even Spock is stumped by the anomalies. Kirk orders a landing party of himself, McCoy, Sulu, and Chief Geologist D’Amato. However, as they start to dematerialize a beautiful woman simply appears out of nowhere in the transporter room. She shouts at them not to go then touches her hand to the transporter officer’s shoulder… and he collapses, dead. The landing party rematerializes on the planet and Kirk starts to call up to the ship, only for a massive planet quake to sweep the planet. The Enterprise is violently shaken and finds itself in empty space with no sign of the planet.
An eager fan starts attacking the set for souvenirs a little prematurely.
Kirk and the others confirm the Enterprise’s disappearance but are unable to determine its fate. Aboard the ship, they quickly determine that rather than the planet vanishing, they have been thrown almost a thousand light years away. As they head back to the planet at maximum warp, Dr. M’Benga reports that the transporter officer, Ensign Wyatt, died when every cell in his body spontaneously ruptured.
Things look grim for the landing party as there’s no water and the plants are poisonous. They split up to search further and Sulu detects a brief massive magnetic pulse, like a door opened and then closed. D’Amato is running a survey when the woman from the ship approaches him. She identifies him by name and says that she “is for him.” She tries to reassure him by approaching him, but insists he shouldn’t call the others. McCoy, running a scan, picks up a sudden massive burst of life sign readings from D’Amato’s area. They’re unable to contact the geologist and go to find him dead, every cell in his body ruptured. They try to burn out a grave in the planet’s surface using phasers but discover that beneath the topsoil the planetary core is a substance that is impervious to a phaser on maximum. They bury D’Amato in a cairn and wonder if intelligent beings are hiding beneath the surface of the planet.
She is a woman - much woman. Should her perfidy be less than that of other women?
The Enterprise has eleven hours to go before it arrives at the planet. Scotty reports there’s nothing that could account for Wyatt’s death but that something “feels” wrong. Spock isn’t impressed with his emotionalism. Scotty has Ensign Watkins check the matter/anti-matter valves. Watkins finds the same mysterious woman there and she asks him to explain the function of the equipment. He lies about the emergency overload bypass valve but she knows the truth and observes that if damaged it would send the engines into overload. She identifies Watkins by name and rank and says she is for him, and approaches the cornered man as he calls out that there’s a woman present. Scotty then hears Watkins’ scream and goes to find his corpse. The woman, hiding in an alcove, simply disappears before Scotty can see her. Spock has Dr. M’Benga perform an autopsy while Scotty confirms there was no open circuit that could have accounted for Watkins’ condition. With no other logical alternative, Spock orders an intruder alert.
As the sun sets, Sulu takes first watch on the planet. The same woman approaches him, identifying him by name and rank and saying that she is for him. Sulu tries to warn her off but ends up shooting her with the phaser but it has no effect. He tries to back away but stumbles and trips, and the woman grasps his arm for a brief second. Kirk and McCoy arrive and Kirk tries to interrogate her. She insists that she is for Sulu and when she touches Kirk, nothing happens. Stymied, she disappears. McCoy confirms that several layers of cells in Sulu’s skin were completely ruptured from less then a second’s contact. They assume that the woman can only kill one of them at a time.
Dibbs on the hot chick!
The intruder search on the Enterprise proves negative, but the crew discovers a new problem: the ship is starting to accelerate beyond their control. Scotty discovers that the emergency bypass control is fused, and it would have taken immense power to accomplish. With less than fifteen minutes remaining, Spock determines that to cut off the fuel flow someone will have to enter an access causeway and sever the flow with a magnetic propose. Scotty volunteers as the most qualified person, while Spock decides to follow up on the engineer’s “feeling” and run a complete check of the ship. With eight minutes left, Scotty enters the access tube and rigs it to be jettisoned in case he messes up the operation.
The mysterious woman appear before the landing party once more and says she is for James T. Kirk. Sulu and McCoy block her and prove immune to her touch. Kirk uses a tricorder to determine that she simply doesn’t exist, as a life form or as a mechanical construct. He tries to interrogate her and she identifies herself as Losira, the outpost commander. She tries to warn them away, insisting she doesn’t want to kill them but has no choice, and she is the only one left. Unable to get to Kirk, she disappears and they pinpoint another power surge. They follow it to a rock wall that opens to reveal a cave inside. Realizing it’s a trap but running out of food and water, they have no choice but to go inside.
Spock completes his systems check and discovers that the Enterprise was teleported away but reassembled slightly out of phase. With less than a minute left, he advises Scotty to reverse the polarity on his magnetic probe and seal the rift. Scotty’s probe jams and he tells Spock to jettison him. Spock refuses and Scotty manages to reverse the polarity and seal the rift in the nick of time.
Traveling back to the 20th century, Scotty is forced to rig election machines in the 2004 Ohio Presidential elections to maintain the timeline.
The landing party enters what appears to be the main control center of the planet, with a large computer cube. Losira appears but refuses to identify whom she is for, until the men form a circle. She finally admits she is for Kirk and says that once she touches him she will be a complete match down to the DNA… killing him in the process. When Sulu and McCoy block her, the computer counters by creating two more Losiras, one for each of them. The men can no longer defend each other, but Spock and a Security guard beam down and Kirk has them destroy the computer just in time. The projections disappear and a final message from the “real” Losira appears. She identifies herself as a Kalandran sent to man the outpost on a planet that her people created. However, the creation process created a lethal virus that wiped out the expedition and she was the last person to die. She programmed the computer to destroy any intrusive life forms using herself as the basis for the defense program. Kirk admires her nobility and intelligence before the men beam up to the ship to depart.
Plasma TVs rock!
The Enterprise explores a planetoid with several discrepancies: it is the size of the Moon but has an atmosphere and mass similar to Earth. Although the planet appears to be only several thousand years old, the vegetation couldn’t have developed within that timeframe. Even Spock is stumped by the anomalies. Kirk orders a landing party of himself, McCoy, Sulu, and Chief Geologist D’Amato. However, as they start to dematerialize a beautiful woman simply appears out of nowhere in the transporter room. She shouts at them not to go then touches her hand to the transporter officer’s shoulder… and he collapses, dead. The landing party rematerializes on the planet and Kirk starts to call up to the ship, only for a massive planet quake to sweep the planet. The Enterprise is violently shaken and finds itself in empty space with no sign of the planet.
An eager fan starts attacking the set for souvenirs a little prematurely.
Kirk and the others confirm the Enterprise’s disappearance but are unable to determine its fate. Aboard the ship, they quickly determine that rather than the planet vanishing, they have been thrown almost a thousand light years away. As they head back to the planet at maximum warp, Dr. M’Benga reports that the transporter officer, Ensign Wyatt, died when every cell in his body spontaneously ruptured.
Things look grim for the landing party as there’s no water and the plants are poisonous. They split up to search further and Sulu detects a brief massive magnetic pulse, like a door opened and then closed. D’Amato is running a survey when the woman from the ship approaches him. She identifies him by name and says that she “is for him.” She tries to reassure him by approaching him, but insists he shouldn’t call the others. McCoy, running a scan, picks up a sudden massive burst of life sign readings from D’Amato’s area. They’re unable to contact the geologist and go to find him dead, every cell in his body ruptured. They try to burn out a grave in the planet’s surface using phasers but discover that beneath the topsoil the planetary core is a substance that is impervious to a phaser on maximum. They bury D’Amato in a cairn and wonder if intelligent beings are hiding beneath the surface of the planet.
She is a woman - much woman. Should her perfidy be less than that of other women?
The Enterprise has eleven hours to go before it arrives at the planet. Scotty reports there’s nothing that could account for Wyatt’s death but that something “feels” wrong. Spock isn’t impressed with his emotionalism. Scotty has Ensign Watkins check the matter/anti-matter valves. Watkins finds the same mysterious woman there and she asks him to explain the function of the equipment. He lies about the emergency overload bypass valve but she knows the truth and observes that if damaged it would send the engines into overload. She identifies Watkins by name and rank and says she is for him, and approaches the cornered man as he calls out that there’s a woman present. Scotty then hears Watkins’ scream and goes to find his corpse. The woman, hiding in an alcove, simply disappears before Scotty can see her. Spock has Dr. M’Benga perform an autopsy while Scotty confirms there was no open circuit that could have accounted for Watkins’ condition. With no other logical alternative, Spock orders an intruder alert.
As the sun sets, Sulu takes first watch on the planet. The same woman approaches him, identifying him by name and rank and saying that she is for him. Sulu tries to warn her off but ends up shooting her with the phaser but it has no effect. He tries to back away but stumbles and trips, and the woman grasps his arm for a brief second. Kirk and McCoy arrive and Kirk tries to interrogate her. She insists that she is for Sulu and when she touches Kirk, nothing happens. Stymied, she disappears. McCoy confirms that several layers of cells in Sulu’s skin were completely ruptured from less then a second’s contact. They assume that the woman can only kill one of them at a time.
Dibbs on the hot chick!
The intruder search on the Enterprise proves negative, but the crew discovers a new problem: the ship is starting to accelerate beyond their control. Scotty discovers that the emergency bypass control is fused, and it would have taken immense power to accomplish. With less than fifteen minutes remaining, Spock determines that to cut off the fuel flow someone will have to enter an access causeway and sever the flow with a magnetic propose. Scotty volunteers as the most qualified person, while Spock decides to follow up on the engineer’s “feeling” and run a complete check of the ship. With eight minutes left, Scotty enters the access tube and rigs it to be jettisoned in case he messes up the operation.
The mysterious woman appear before the landing party once more and says she is for James T. Kirk. Sulu and McCoy block her and prove immune to her touch. Kirk uses a tricorder to determine that she simply doesn’t exist, as a life form or as a mechanical construct. He tries to interrogate her and she identifies herself as Losira, the outpost commander. She tries to warn them away, insisting she doesn’t want to kill them but has no choice, and she is the only one left. Unable to get to Kirk, she disappears and they pinpoint another power surge. They follow it to a rock wall that opens to reveal a cave inside. Realizing it’s a trap but running out of food and water, they have no choice but to go inside.
Spock completes his systems check and discovers that the Enterprise was teleported away but reassembled slightly out of phase. With less than a minute left, he advises Scotty to reverse the polarity on his magnetic probe and seal the rift. Scotty’s probe jams and he tells Spock to jettison him. Spock refuses and Scotty manages to reverse the polarity and seal the rift in the nick of time.
Traveling back to the 20th century, Scotty is forced to rig election machines in the 2004 Ohio Presidential elections to maintain the timeline.
The landing party enters what appears to be the main control center of the planet, with a large computer cube. Losira appears but refuses to identify whom she is for, until the men form a circle. She finally admits she is for Kirk and says that once she touches him she will be a complete match down to the DNA… killing him in the process. When Sulu and McCoy block her, the computer counters by creating two more Losiras, one for each of them. The men can no longer defend each other, but Spock and a Security guard beam down and Kirk has them destroy the computer just in time. The projections disappear and a final message from the “real” Losira appears. She identifies herself as a Kalandran sent to man the outpost on a planet that her people created. However, the creation process created a lethal virus that wiped out the expedition and she was the last person to die. She programmed the computer to destroy any intrusive life forms using herself as the basis for the defense program. Kirk admires her nobility and intelligence before the men beam up to the ship to depart.
Plasma TVs rock!
The Enterprise responds to a distress call and finds a peaceful uninhabited planet but with traces of metallic debris. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Yeoman Leslie Thompson, and Lt. Shea beam down to the planet and find two human-looking individuals, a man and a woman, wearing uniforms and high-tech belts. They tell Kirk to surrender the Enterprise and use their belt devices to immobilize the landing party. The man, Rojan, informs him that he is the commander and that they are hijacking the Enterprise.
Once Rojan and his associate, Kelinda, disarm the landing party, they free them from the paralysis and explain that they are Kelvans from a planet in the Andromeda galaxy. Radiation levels will render their galaxy uninhabitable within ten thousand years and his group and others were sent out to find new inhabitable galaxies. Kirk warns it will be difficult for them to take the Enterprise but Rojan’s three other party members have already transported themselves up and paralyzed the entire crew, taking control. Roan tells his people to start modifying the Enterprise so that it can penetrate the galactic barrier and travel at sufficient speed to reach Andromeda in only 300 years. The Kelvans’ own ship was destroyed penetrating the barrier. Rojan refuses to hear of a peaceful solution, saying they are conquerors and won’t compromise. He imprisons the landing party in a cave with impenetrable metal bars, to use as hostages if need be.
Michael Jackson's latest plastic surgery.
McCoy and Spock have analyzed the tricorder readings and determine that the Kelvans have perfect human bodies, but the odds are astronomical that they evolved to human shape. Concluding that the Kelvans must have a central power generator for their belt devices, Kirk has Spock try to make mental contact with Kelinda, their guard. Spock is thrown back but Kelinda comes in and Kirk knocks her out and takes her belt device. However, Rojan immobilizes him as soon as they leave the cave and takes it back. As punishment, Rojan converts Shea and Thompson into small compressed dodecahedrons... and then destroys Thompson and restores Shea.
Rojan graphically demonstrates what part of Kirk's anatomy he has hold of.
The remaining landing party is returned to the cave where Spock explains that he senses the true mental image of the Kelvans: hundred-armed tentacled creatures who have taken human form to use the Enterprise. They come up with a new plan to use McCoy’s medical equipment to jam the Kelvans’ generator but need to get up to the ship. Spock feigns near-death by going into a relaxation trance and McCoy convinces their guard to beam them up to Sickbay where another Kelvan, Tomar, watches them. McCoy gives Spock a (fake) shot to satisfy Tomar and once Spock awakens, they go to work.
Rojan meets with Kirk and tires to convince him there’s no point in further resistance. Kelinda admires the flowers and Kirk notices her interest in the sensations. Rojan then takes Kirk and Shea up to the Enterprise and they head for the Galactic Barrier at higher-than-maximum speed. Spock, McCoy, and Scotty have determined where the generator is but can’t penetrate its casing. Without any other options, Scotty and Spock suggest they blow up the Enterprise rather than let the Kelvans complete the mission. Scotty has already rigged the anti-matter nacelles to destruct.
They enter the barrier and Scotty awaits Kirk’s order, but he refuses to destroy the ship. Once they’re through the barrier, Rojan orders his people to commence “neutralization.” To eliminate any possible threat and maintain food supplies, all non-essential Enterprise crew are turned into dodecahedrons. Only Kirk, McCoy, Spock, and Scotty are considered “essential personnel.”
While the remaining men go to the mess hall to try and figure out what’s to do next, Tomar comes in and demands they explain “eating” to him. Tomar digs in, enjoying himself, and Spock notes that the Kelvans don’t have any human senses in their natural forms. Kirk figures that since they’ve taken on human form, they are now subject to normal human reactions and they can use that to distract the Kelvans and get their belt-devices. Scotty starts by taking Tomar to his cabin and introducing him to the joys of hard liquor.
McCoy works on another Kelvan, Hanar, saying he needs vitamin shots while injecting him with a stimulant. Kirk starts on Kelinda, apologizing for knocking he out and then kissing her. Initially reluctant, she soon becomes intrigued by the sensation but breaks it off when Rojan comes in. Kirk leaves and Kelinda tries kissing Rojan without any success.
The Conqueror? Mighty armies cannot stop him. But one touch of my lips... Yes, he captured me - but he cannot tame me.
Later on the voyage, Spock and Rojan play chess and the Vulcan goads the Kelvan into reacting jealous at the thought of Kirk and Kelinda together. Rojan tells Kelinda to stop seeing the captain but she refuses and goes to visit him. While Scotty and Tomar get progressively more drunk, the over-stimulated Hanar snaps at Rojan on the bridge and is confined to his quarters. Kirk and Kelinda start kissing again while Spock mentions to Rojan that the two are together again.
Because alcoholism is funny!
Scott finally manages to drink Tomar under the table and get is belt-device... but passes out unconscious himself at the door. Rojan barge in on Kirk and Kelinda and starts a fistfight. Kirk holds him off and points out that after even a short time the Kelvans are acting like humans: by the time they arrive at Andromeda in 300 years they’ll be completely unrecognizable as Kelvans. Rojan finally calms down enough to concede the point and Kirk offers them refuge as peaceful allies. Rojan considers the matter and accepts, agreeing to send a robot ship on to Andromeda to inform his people of the arrangement. Meanwhile Rojan and his people will start by colonizing the planet the Enterprise found them on. As Rojan and Kelinda kiss, Kirk orders the Enterprise to head for home.
Once Rojan and his associate, Kelinda, disarm the landing party, they free them from the paralysis and explain that they are Kelvans from a planet in the Andromeda galaxy. Radiation levels will render their galaxy uninhabitable within ten thousand years and his group and others were sent out to find new inhabitable galaxies. Kirk warns it will be difficult for them to take the Enterprise but Rojan’s three other party members have already transported themselves up and paralyzed the entire crew, taking control. Roan tells his people to start modifying the Enterprise so that it can penetrate the galactic barrier and travel at sufficient speed to reach Andromeda in only 300 years. The Kelvans’ own ship was destroyed penetrating the barrier. Rojan refuses to hear of a peaceful solution, saying they are conquerors and won’t compromise. He imprisons the landing party in a cave with impenetrable metal bars, to use as hostages if need be.
Michael Jackson's latest plastic surgery.
McCoy and Spock have analyzed the tricorder readings and determine that the Kelvans have perfect human bodies, but the odds are astronomical that they evolved to human shape. Concluding that the Kelvans must have a central power generator for their belt devices, Kirk has Spock try to make mental contact with Kelinda, their guard. Spock is thrown back but Kelinda comes in and Kirk knocks her out and takes her belt device. However, Rojan immobilizes him as soon as they leave the cave and takes it back. As punishment, Rojan converts Shea and Thompson into small compressed dodecahedrons... and then destroys Thompson and restores Shea.
Rojan graphically demonstrates what part of Kirk's anatomy he has hold of.
The remaining landing party is returned to the cave where Spock explains that he senses the true mental image of the Kelvans: hundred-armed tentacled creatures who have taken human form to use the Enterprise. They come up with a new plan to use McCoy’s medical equipment to jam the Kelvans’ generator but need to get up to the ship. Spock feigns near-death by going into a relaxation trance and McCoy convinces their guard to beam them up to Sickbay where another Kelvan, Tomar, watches them. McCoy gives Spock a (fake) shot to satisfy Tomar and once Spock awakens, they go to work.
Rojan meets with Kirk and tires to convince him there’s no point in further resistance. Kelinda admires the flowers and Kirk notices her interest in the sensations. Rojan then takes Kirk and Shea up to the Enterprise and they head for the Galactic Barrier at higher-than-maximum speed. Spock, McCoy, and Scotty have determined where the generator is but can’t penetrate its casing. Without any other options, Scotty and Spock suggest they blow up the Enterprise rather than let the Kelvans complete the mission. Scotty has already rigged the anti-matter nacelles to destruct.
They enter the barrier and Scotty awaits Kirk’s order, but he refuses to destroy the ship. Once they’re through the barrier, Rojan orders his people to commence “neutralization.” To eliminate any possible threat and maintain food supplies, all non-essential Enterprise crew are turned into dodecahedrons. Only Kirk, McCoy, Spock, and Scotty are considered “essential personnel.”
While the remaining men go to the mess hall to try and figure out what’s to do next, Tomar comes in and demands they explain “eating” to him. Tomar digs in, enjoying himself, and Spock notes that the Kelvans don’t have any human senses in their natural forms. Kirk figures that since they’ve taken on human form, they are now subject to normal human reactions and they can use that to distract the Kelvans and get their belt-devices. Scotty starts by taking Tomar to his cabin and introducing him to the joys of hard liquor.
McCoy works on another Kelvan, Hanar, saying he needs vitamin shots while injecting him with a stimulant. Kirk starts on Kelinda, apologizing for knocking he out and then kissing her. Initially reluctant, she soon becomes intrigued by the sensation but breaks it off when Rojan comes in. Kirk leaves and Kelinda tries kissing Rojan without any success.
The Conqueror? Mighty armies cannot stop him. But one touch of my lips... Yes, he captured me - but he cannot tame me.
Later on the voyage, Spock and Rojan play chess and the Vulcan goads the Kelvan into reacting jealous at the thought of Kirk and Kelinda together. Rojan tells Kelinda to stop seeing the captain but she refuses and goes to visit him. While Scotty and Tomar get progressively more drunk, the over-stimulated Hanar snaps at Rojan on the bridge and is confined to his quarters. Kirk and Kelinda start kissing again while Spock mentions to Rojan that the two are together again.
Because alcoholism is funny!
Scott finally manages to drink Tomar under the table and get is belt-device... but passes out unconscious himself at the door. Rojan barge in on Kirk and Kelinda and starts a fistfight. Kirk holds him off and points out that after even a short time the Kelvans are acting like humans: by the time they arrive at Andromeda in 300 years they’ll be completely unrecognizable as Kelvans. Rojan finally calms down enough to concede the point and Kirk offers them refuge as peaceful allies. Rojan considers the matter and accepts, agreeing to send a robot ship on to Andromeda to inform his people of the arrangement. Meanwhile Rojan and his people will start by colonizing the planet the Enterprise found them on. As Rojan and Kelinda kiss, Kirk orders the Enterprise to head for home.
On Beta 12-A, Kirk takes down a landing party with McCoy, Chekov, and Johnson after getting word that a Federation colony there is under attack. They investigate and find no trace of the colony, and assume the neighboring Klingons destroyed it. They're unaware that an energy ball is hovering just out of sight. In orbit, Spock detects an approaching Klingon ship but as they look on, internal explosions break out aboard it. On the planet, Captain Kang and an assault team silently beam down and then take Kirk and his men hostage, accusing them of attacking their ship unprovoked. Kirk denies any involvement but Kang insists they were attacked and prepares to torture them until they surrender the Enterprise. Chekov screams in rage, saying the Klingons killed his brother Piotr at another colony, and Kang chooses him as the first torture victim. Kirk finally yields and offers to surrender the ship, insisting that there will be no tricks once aboard. He signals the Enterprise but sends a secret signal. They beam aboard... but Scotty has divided the beam and held the Klingons in transit. They call in the ship's security, materialize the Klingons, and take them prisoner. They then beam over the rest of the Klingons from the doomed ship and offer them the "hospitality" of the ship's lounge for confinement.
You don't bring up Kingdom of the Spiders, Ansara, and I won't bring up The Manitou.
The energy lifeform from the planet has come aboard the Enterprise although the crew are unaware of it. Kirk suspects the Klingons but Spock notes there is no way they could have reached the planet when they received the distress signal. They destroy the Klingon ship as a derelict and head for the nearest starbase, unable to establish communications with Starfleet. However, the emergency bulkheads suddenly slam down, cutting off most of the crew. The ship accelerates beyond their control, going to Warp 9 and they have no way to stop it redirect it. Kirk figures the Klingons beamed aboard a saboteur in secret and goes to confront Kang. Kang is amused but denies any knowledge of what's going on. Kirk slugs him in return for the torture on the planet, and the items in the lounge suddenly transform into swords. The Enterprise crew's phasers also transform into swords, and Kirk and his men barely get out ahead of the attacking Klingons.
Kirk gets to the bridge where Spock speculates that the Klingons have neither the technology nor the desire to transform matter and give it equally to their enemies. Chekov starts raging about his brother again, disobeys Kirk's orders, and runs off to fight the Klingons. After he leaves, Sulu notes that Chekov is an only child and never had a brother.
Walter Koenig gets the news that he won't be in the Animated Series and is less then happy...
Scotty is unable to cut through the bulkheads, which have been altered on a molecular level to be impenetrable. Spock determines that there is one extra life form on the ship, neither Klingon or human and consisting of energy, and tries to pinpoint it, while the Klingons take Engineering. They conclude the alien can manipulate both matter and minds, the latter which is proven when McCoy storms onto the bridge furious over all the injuries and suggesting they slaughter the Klingons. They manage to calm him down and try to contact Kang, but the Klingon captain shuts down life support to all non-Klingon controlled sections of the ship to wipe them out.
As they try to restore life support, Scotty comes onto the bridge and is furious over the Klingons, insisting he should have left them in the transporter. After shouting a racial epithet at Spock, the Vulcan responds emotionally, preparing to attack the engineer. Kirk manages to snap them out of it although he almost loses his temper as well. The circuits come back up, although Sulu informs them he had nothing to do with it. Kang is equally puzzled, wondering what is giving them victory and then taking it away.
So... you come here often?
Spock locates the lifeform aboard the ship and he and Kirk go after it. Meanwhile, Chekov has found Kang's wife Mara and starts to assault her, ripping her dress. Kirk and Spock find him and stop him just in time, knocking him out. They spot the alien briefly but it fades through the wall and they take Chekov to sickbay. There McCoy reveals that all of the injured personnel are healing at an accelerated rate. Kirk, Spock, and Mara go to find the alien and one of the security guards follows, insisting he's ready for duty. He goes into a fury as the alien appears and glows with energy. When Spock renders the man unconscious, the entity's energy dims as well. They conclude that the entity is feeding on their hate and anger and creating the circumstances to flame both sides into a rage.
Going to the bridge, they get word that the dilithium crystals are almost drained and they have only 12 minutes before they're stranded in space. Kirk contacts Kang and threatens to kill Mara if he doesn't listen, but Kang gives her up as a sacrifice. Mara realizes Kirk was bluffing and believes they're truly interested in peace, and agrees to help them. With time running out, they come up with a plan to use the transporter to beam directly into Engineering and meet with Kang. Kirk takes the willing Mara with him and goes unarmed into Engineering, where Kang, furious at seeing Mara's dress ripped, attacks him.
Put 'em up, put 'em up! Which one of you first? I can fight you both together if you want. I can fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I can fight you standing on one foot.
The Enterprise crew fight their way into Engineering while Kirk and Mara try to get through to Kang. Finally the alien shows up to feed on the bloodlust and Kirk shows it to Kang. The Klingon agrees to a temporary truce and the alien's energies fade a bit. With only minutes left, Spock suggests they engage in good spirits to "starve" the entity and they end up taunting it, and mocking each other half good-heartedly. The entity departs, leaving the two sides to work out their differences by themselves.
Shatner and Ansara can only stare at the cheap-ass third-season special effect in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Nimoy gets jealous that Ansara has better hair gel.
You don't bring up Kingdom of the Spiders, Ansara, and I won't bring up The Manitou.
The energy lifeform from the planet has come aboard the Enterprise although the crew are unaware of it. Kirk suspects the Klingons but Spock notes there is no way they could have reached the planet when they received the distress signal. They destroy the Klingon ship as a derelict and head for the nearest starbase, unable to establish communications with Starfleet. However, the emergency bulkheads suddenly slam down, cutting off most of the crew. The ship accelerates beyond their control, going to Warp 9 and they have no way to stop it redirect it. Kirk figures the Klingons beamed aboard a saboteur in secret and goes to confront Kang. Kang is amused but denies any knowledge of what's going on. Kirk slugs him in return for the torture on the planet, and the items in the lounge suddenly transform into swords. The Enterprise crew's phasers also transform into swords, and Kirk and his men barely get out ahead of the attacking Klingons.
Kirk gets to the bridge where Spock speculates that the Klingons have neither the technology nor the desire to transform matter and give it equally to their enemies. Chekov starts raging about his brother again, disobeys Kirk's orders, and runs off to fight the Klingons. After he leaves, Sulu notes that Chekov is an only child and never had a brother.
Walter Koenig gets the news that he won't be in the Animated Series and is less then happy...
Scotty is unable to cut through the bulkheads, which have been altered on a molecular level to be impenetrable. Spock determines that there is one extra life form on the ship, neither Klingon or human and consisting of energy, and tries to pinpoint it, while the Klingons take Engineering. They conclude the alien can manipulate both matter and minds, the latter which is proven when McCoy storms onto the bridge furious over all the injuries and suggesting they slaughter the Klingons. They manage to calm him down and try to contact Kang, but the Klingon captain shuts down life support to all non-Klingon controlled sections of the ship to wipe them out.
As they try to restore life support, Scotty comes onto the bridge and is furious over the Klingons, insisting he should have left them in the transporter. After shouting a racial epithet at Spock, the Vulcan responds emotionally, preparing to attack the engineer. Kirk manages to snap them out of it although he almost loses his temper as well. The circuits come back up, although Sulu informs them he had nothing to do with it. Kang is equally puzzled, wondering what is giving them victory and then taking it away.
So... you come here often?
Spock locates the lifeform aboard the ship and he and Kirk go after it. Meanwhile, Chekov has found Kang's wife Mara and starts to assault her, ripping her dress. Kirk and Spock find him and stop him just in time, knocking him out. They spot the alien briefly but it fades through the wall and they take Chekov to sickbay. There McCoy reveals that all of the injured personnel are healing at an accelerated rate. Kirk, Spock, and Mara go to find the alien and one of the security guards follows, insisting he's ready for duty. He goes into a fury as the alien appears and glows with energy. When Spock renders the man unconscious, the entity's energy dims as well. They conclude that the entity is feeding on their hate and anger and creating the circumstances to flame both sides into a rage.
Going to the bridge, they get word that the dilithium crystals are almost drained and they have only 12 minutes before they're stranded in space. Kirk contacts Kang and threatens to kill Mara if he doesn't listen, but Kang gives her up as a sacrifice. Mara realizes Kirk was bluffing and believes they're truly interested in peace, and agrees to help them. With time running out, they come up with a plan to use the transporter to beam directly into Engineering and meet with Kang. Kirk takes the willing Mara with him and goes unarmed into Engineering, where Kang, furious at seeing Mara's dress ripped, attacks him.
Put 'em up, put 'em up! Which one of you first? I can fight you both together if you want. I can fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I can fight you standing on one foot.
The Enterprise crew fight their way into Engineering while Kirk and Mara try to get through to Kang. Finally the alien shows up to feed on the bloodlust and Kirk shows it to Kang. The Klingon agrees to a temporary truce and the alien's energies fade a bit. With only minutes left, Spock suggests they engage in good spirits to "starve" the entity and they end up taunting it, and mocking each other half good-heartedly. The entity departs, leaving the two sides to work out their differences by themselves.
Shatner and Ansara can only stare at the cheap-ass third-season special effect in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Nimoy gets jealous that Ansara has better hair gel.
The planet Ariannus has been stricken by a biological plague and the Enterprise must do an orbital decontamination. As it heads for the planet, they encounter a shuttlecraft reported stolen from nearby Starbase 4. It’s following an erratic course and leaking atmosphere, and Spock detects one injured life form aboard. They bring the shuttlecraft aboard and find the unconscious occupant: a humanoid who is chalk white on his right side and coal black on his left.
The Riddler’s on my trail, you’ve got to help me!
They take the alien to Sickbay where McCoy manages to revive him. The newcomer wakes up and says he merely borrowed the shuttlecraft, and is highly defensive. When Kirk asks for further information, the alien identifies himself as Lokai from the planet Cheron. Kirk and Spock have heard of Cheron, which is a planet in an uncharted area of space. Lokai refuses to answer any other questions and they get word that a ship is approaching them. On the bridge, Spock determines that the vessel is an invisible one-man scout ship on a collision course. They try to evade it but they ship heads directly toward the Enterprise and vanishes. Another alien appears on the bridge similar to Lokai but black on the right and white on the left.
I did too arrive in a spaceship! Just because it was invisible, that doesn't mean it wasn't there.
The new arrival identifies himself as Bele, an officer of the Commission of Political Traitors on the planet Cheron. His ship disintegrated due to the stress of pursuit: he’s been after Lokai for 50,000 years. He demands to see Lokai and Kirk agrees so they can identify the prisoner. The two Cheronites snipe at each other, Lokai claiming he’s a political prisoner and asking for sanctuary while Bele demands extradition. Kirk refuses, saying the Federation has no extradition treaty with Cheron and the mission to Ariannus comes first. Bele storms off while Lokai insists they protect him.
Gentlemen, get a room. Oh wait…
Shortly thereafter, Kirk gets worded the ship is off-course and heading toward Cheron. Bele informs them that he has taken control of the ship and is now returning Lokai to Cheron. Lokai shows up as well and demands justice. Kirk orders them both off the bridge but they have psychokinetic fields that protect them against phasers and physical contact. When Bele refuses to surrender control of the ship, Kirk orders the self-destruct activated. He, Spock, and Scotty activate the three-step process and set it on a 30 second timer. Kirk warns that in the final five seconds nothing can stop the countdown. The computer counts down to five… and Bele cracks. He demands they take him to Cheron after the Ariannus mission but Kirk refuses to yield and Bele gives them back control of the ship. Kirk gives them full access to the ship but warns them that if they do anything else he’ll have them thrown in the brig.
Bele, Lokai, and Kirk all wonder what the hell is it Spock sees in that viewer.
Lokai meets with the crew in the mess hall and tries to convince them that he’s sincere and Bele is a villain. Bele meets with Kirk and Spock and affirms that Starfleet will find in his favor, although Spock points out they have only his word that Lokai is a criminal. Starfleet agrees, refusing to extradite Lokai until after a hearing. Kirk and Spock then wonder what the source of the hatred between the two aliens is and Bele is astonished they can’t tell Lokai is inferior because his pigmentation is the opposite of Bele’s.
Because when all else fails, serve alcohol! It’s what’s for dinner.
The Enterprise arrives at Ariannus and completes the decontamination procedure, then heads for Starbase 4. However, Bele takes control of the ship again, after burning out the self-destruct and navigational circuitry. A furious Lokai demands the crew kill him but they refuse. The two aliens fight it out, their fields threatening to destroy the bridge. Kirk manages to break them up, pointing out that if they both die nothing is gained. Bele gives them back control of the ship but they’re close enough to Cheron for Spock to do a scan. The planet is dead: all of the inhabitants have destroyed each other in race warfare.
Frank Gorshin takes Madonna’s “I Touch Myself” just a little too seriously.
Not understanding, Bele and Lokai fight each other until Lokai storms off the bridge and head for the transporter room. Bele refuses to surrender his prisoner or his hate and goes after Lokai, beaming down to the planet after him. The Enterprise crew assumes that the two aliens will destroy themselves the same way that their fellow Cheronites did, and regretfully leave them to it.
Wow. What a deep and probing allegory of modern-day racism. Well, back to my job as a glorified telephone operator while waiting for Kirk to be mind-controlled by some white honkeys into kissing me so they can get their jollies. Hailing frequencies open, sugah!
The Riddler’s on my trail, you’ve got to help me!
They take the alien to Sickbay where McCoy manages to revive him. The newcomer wakes up and says he merely borrowed the shuttlecraft, and is highly defensive. When Kirk asks for further information, the alien identifies himself as Lokai from the planet Cheron. Kirk and Spock have heard of Cheron, which is a planet in an uncharted area of space. Lokai refuses to answer any other questions and they get word that a ship is approaching them. On the bridge, Spock determines that the vessel is an invisible one-man scout ship on a collision course. They try to evade it but they ship heads directly toward the Enterprise and vanishes. Another alien appears on the bridge similar to Lokai but black on the right and white on the left.
I did too arrive in a spaceship! Just because it was invisible, that doesn't mean it wasn't there.
The new arrival identifies himself as Bele, an officer of the Commission of Political Traitors on the planet Cheron. His ship disintegrated due to the stress of pursuit: he’s been after Lokai for 50,000 years. He demands to see Lokai and Kirk agrees so they can identify the prisoner. The two Cheronites snipe at each other, Lokai claiming he’s a political prisoner and asking for sanctuary while Bele demands extradition. Kirk refuses, saying the Federation has no extradition treaty with Cheron and the mission to Ariannus comes first. Bele storms off while Lokai insists they protect him.
Gentlemen, get a room. Oh wait…
Shortly thereafter, Kirk gets worded the ship is off-course and heading toward Cheron. Bele informs them that he has taken control of the ship and is now returning Lokai to Cheron. Lokai shows up as well and demands justice. Kirk orders them both off the bridge but they have psychokinetic fields that protect them against phasers and physical contact. When Bele refuses to surrender control of the ship, Kirk orders the self-destruct activated. He, Spock, and Scotty activate the three-step process and set it on a 30 second timer. Kirk warns that in the final five seconds nothing can stop the countdown. The computer counts down to five… and Bele cracks. He demands they take him to Cheron after the Ariannus mission but Kirk refuses to yield and Bele gives them back control of the ship. Kirk gives them full access to the ship but warns them that if they do anything else he’ll have them thrown in the brig.
Bele, Lokai, and Kirk all wonder what the hell is it Spock sees in that viewer.
Lokai meets with the crew in the mess hall and tries to convince them that he’s sincere and Bele is a villain. Bele meets with Kirk and Spock and affirms that Starfleet will find in his favor, although Spock points out they have only his word that Lokai is a criminal. Starfleet agrees, refusing to extradite Lokai until after a hearing. Kirk and Spock then wonder what the source of the hatred between the two aliens is and Bele is astonished they can’t tell Lokai is inferior because his pigmentation is the opposite of Bele’s.
Because when all else fails, serve alcohol! It’s what’s for dinner.
The Enterprise arrives at Ariannus and completes the decontamination procedure, then heads for Starbase 4. However, Bele takes control of the ship again, after burning out the self-destruct and navigational circuitry. A furious Lokai demands the crew kill him but they refuse. The two aliens fight it out, their fields threatening to destroy the bridge. Kirk manages to break them up, pointing out that if they both die nothing is gained. Bele gives them back control of the ship but they’re close enough to Cheron for Spock to do a scan. The planet is dead: all of the inhabitants have destroyed each other in race warfare.
Frank Gorshin takes Madonna’s “I Touch Myself” just a little too seriously.
Not understanding, Bele and Lokai fight each other until Lokai storms off the bridge and head for the transporter room. Bele refuses to surrender his prisoner or his hate and goes after Lokai, beaming down to the planet after him. The Enterprise crew assumes that the two aliens will destroy themselves the same way that their fellow Cheronites did, and regretfully leave them to it.
Wow. What a deep and probing allegory of modern-day racism. Well, back to my job as a glorified telephone operator while waiting for Kirk to be mind-controlled by some white honkeys into kissing me so they can get their jollies. Hailing frequencies open, sugah!
The Enterprise is sent to find the missing S.S. Beagle. They find its wreckage drifting in space but no bodies. They follow the path of the debris back to a nearby system where they discover a near-Earth planet with two moons. Uhura picks up old-style “television” transmissions and they pick up broadcasts from what seems to be a modern-day Roman Empire. The Empire’s slaves are rebelling while gladiatorial games are broadcast planetwide. The crew overhears a broadcast of the last “barbarian” being killed in the arena and realizes it’s a crewman from the Beagle
Zero-g calisthenics just never caught on in the 23rd century.
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down near the largest city to investigate and are quickly captured by a band of runaway slaves, led by the elderly Septimus and the former gladiator Flavius. The ex-slaves say they now worship the Sun rather then the false Roman gods. Kirk proves to them that they are strangers from a distant land and they agree to let Flavius take them to the city to look for their missing people. Kirk mentions the captain of the Beagle, Merik, and Septimus warns them the only Merik they know is Merikus, First Citizen of the Empire. En route to the city, Roman policeman arrest them and quickly identify the Enterprise crewman as “barbarians.”
If you sing Ballad of Bilbo Baggins one more time…
The four men are imprisoned but Flavius is taken back to the arena to fight. The Enterprise men quickly organize a prison break but are easily thwarted by Roman policemen led by Proconsul Claudius Marcus, and… Captain Merik. Merik is now Merikus, and gained a position of power in return for betraying his crew. Claudius has a private meeting and reveals that Merik has told him about the Federation, and the Romans want to avoid outside “contamination.” Claudius also knows about the Prime Directive and enjoys taunting Kirk with the fact that he can neither beamed down armed guards or have the Enterprise fire on the city from orbit. Claudius demands that Kirk order his crew to start beaming down but instead the captain gives Scotty a coded warning telling him that they’re in trouble but he’s not to do anything. Scotty isn’t happy at the order and prepares to target the city’s power systems.
William Shatner faces hostile reaction from the critics for his acting in The Devil’s Rain.
Claudius has Spock and McCoy placed in the arena for a televised match that they’re not expected to survive, while Kirk is forced to watch unless he starts ordering landing parties down. Spock holds his own but McCoy is forced to fight against Flavius, enraging the man against his will by his poor showing. When Flavius goes berserk and tries to kill McCoy, Spock disposes of his man and then knocks out Flavius—a violation of the rules. Claudius lets them live so he can use them as leverage against Kirk.
Shatner, quit kissing the damn girl and get over here!
Kirk is taken to Claudius’ quarters while Spock and McCoy are reimprisoned. McCoy tries to thank the emotionless Spock and when Spock is unresponsive, McCoy taunts him about his lack of feelings, then admits he’s concerned about Kirk too. Meanwhile, Kirk is left with a slave girl, Drusilla, and they spend a pleasant afternoon together despite the fact he suspects a trap. Later Drusilla leaves and Claudius arrives to explain that he wanted to treat Kirk like a man, unlike the cowardly Merik. Claudius notes that one of the Enterprise men’s communicators is missing but Kirk doesn’t have it. Claudius then explains that Kirk is to be killed in a televised execution to show that the Roman Empire won’t tolerate defiance.
William Smithers and Logan Ramsey compete to see who can be more fey.
Shatner is forced to give the award to Ramsey.
Kirk is led to the arena to the slaughter but Flavius escapes and is shot down. Taking advantage of the distraction, Kirk grabs a gun… just as Scotty temporarily overloads the city’s power systems. The captain escapes from the blacked out arena and gets to the cells, freeing Spock and McCoy. Claudius and Merik arrive with the guards, who draw swords to fight in the close quarters rather then hit each other in the crossfire. The Enterprise men make a valiant fight of it but are outnumbered… until Merik redeems himself by using the communicator he stole to signal the Enterprise for a beam up. Claudius stabs him, and with his dying breath Merik throws the communicator to Kirk and the others, who are beamed out just ahead of a barrage of machine gun fire.
Captain Merik finally gets the point.
Back aboard the Enterprise, Kirk gives Scotty a commendation for his actions and they wonder at the one aberration in this odd parallel Rome: the existence of a Sun God. However, Uhura reveals that she’s been monitoring signals and the slaves actually worship the Son of God. The Enterprise crew realize that this version of Rome will also have its God of Peace and will eventually change for the better.
Nichelle Nichols gives the end-of-episode anvil-dropping warning before saying, “It's the son of God.”
Zero-g calisthenics just never caught on in the 23rd century.
Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down near the largest city to investigate and are quickly captured by a band of runaway slaves, led by the elderly Septimus and the former gladiator Flavius. The ex-slaves say they now worship the Sun rather then the false Roman gods. Kirk proves to them that they are strangers from a distant land and they agree to let Flavius take them to the city to look for their missing people. Kirk mentions the captain of the Beagle, Merik, and Septimus warns them the only Merik they know is Merikus, First Citizen of the Empire. En route to the city, Roman policeman arrest them and quickly identify the Enterprise crewman as “barbarians.”
If you sing Ballad of Bilbo Baggins one more time…
The four men are imprisoned but Flavius is taken back to the arena to fight. The Enterprise men quickly organize a prison break but are easily thwarted by Roman policemen led by Proconsul Claudius Marcus, and… Captain Merik. Merik is now Merikus, and gained a position of power in return for betraying his crew. Claudius has a private meeting and reveals that Merik has told him about the Federation, and the Romans want to avoid outside “contamination.” Claudius also knows about the Prime Directive and enjoys taunting Kirk with the fact that he can neither beamed down armed guards or have the Enterprise fire on the city from orbit. Claudius demands that Kirk order his crew to start beaming down but instead the captain gives Scotty a coded warning telling him that they’re in trouble but he’s not to do anything. Scotty isn’t happy at the order and prepares to target the city’s power systems.
William Shatner faces hostile reaction from the critics for his acting in The Devil’s Rain.
Claudius has Spock and McCoy placed in the arena for a televised match that they’re not expected to survive, while Kirk is forced to watch unless he starts ordering landing parties down. Spock holds his own but McCoy is forced to fight against Flavius, enraging the man against his will by his poor showing. When Flavius goes berserk and tries to kill McCoy, Spock disposes of his man and then knocks out Flavius—a violation of the rules. Claudius lets them live so he can use them as leverage against Kirk.
Shatner, quit kissing the damn girl and get over here!
Kirk is taken to Claudius’ quarters while Spock and McCoy are reimprisoned. McCoy tries to thank the emotionless Spock and when Spock is unresponsive, McCoy taunts him about his lack of feelings, then admits he’s concerned about Kirk too. Meanwhile, Kirk is left with a slave girl, Drusilla, and they spend a pleasant afternoon together despite the fact he suspects a trap. Later Drusilla leaves and Claudius arrives to explain that he wanted to treat Kirk like a man, unlike the cowardly Merik. Claudius notes that one of the Enterprise men’s communicators is missing but Kirk doesn’t have it. Claudius then explains that Kirk is to be killed in a televised execution to show that the Roman Empire won’t tolerate defiance.
William Smithers and Logan Ramsey compete to see who can be more fey.
Shatner is forced to give the award to Ramsey.
Kirk is led to the arena to the slaughter but Flavius escapes and is shot down. Taking advantage of the distraction, Kirk grabs a gun… just as Scotty temporarily overloads the city’s power systems. The captain escapes from the blacked out arena and gets to the cells, freeing Spock and McCoy. Claudius and Merik arrive with the guards, who draw swords to fight in the close quarters rather then hit each other in the crossfire. The Enterprise men make a valiant fight of it but are outnumbered… until Merik redeems himself by using the communicator he stole to signal the Enterprise for a beam up. Claudius stabs him, and with his dying breath Merik throws the communicator to Kirk and the others, who are beamed out just ahead of a barrage of machine gun fire.
Captain Merik finally gets the point.
Back aboard the Enterprise, Kirk gives Scotty a commendation for his actions and they wonder at the one aberration in this odd parallel Rome: the existence of a Sun God. However, Uhura reveals that she’s been monitoring signals and the slaves actually worship the Son of God. The Enterprise crew realize that this version of Rome will also have its God of Peace and will eventually change for the better.
Nichelle Nichols gives the end-of-episode anvil-dropping warning before saying, “It's the son of God.”
The Enterprise arrives at Elas in the Tellun star system, on the Klingon/Federation border. They have already picked up Ambassador Petri from Troyius, Elas’ neighboring planet in the system and are now to pick up passengers from Elas. As they head down to the transporter room, Spock and McCoy discuss the Elasians: the men are vicious and brutal, and the women are rumored to have the ability to drive men insane with lust. Petri is waiting and informs them that the Dohlman, his people’s greatest enemy, will be beaming aboard. The Dohlman’s security team beam up first and secure the transporter room, considering Petri a particular threat. Kirk assures them the ship is secure and they then beam up the Dohlman: Elaan, a beautiful woman. First the security team and Petri, and then finally Kirk and the other crew kneel before her.
We are the Goa’uld, here to conquer your galaxy and pretend to be your gods: has anyone seen Colonel O’Neill?
Elaan immediately starts insulting Petri and demanding “appropriate” treatment as befits her position. Kirk is less then impressed and has Spock take her to her temporary quarters (borrowed from Uhura). Kirk finally finds out what the mission is from Petri: Elaan and the ruler of Troyius are to be wed to assure peace between the two planets, and Petri is there to teach her manners. He asks them to proceed at sublight so he has enough time to make her suitable for her wedding, and notes that if the mission fails then Starfleet won’t be thrilled with the captain. Kirk agrees and Petri further asks him to make sure the Dohlman be shown appropriate respect at all times no matter how obnoxious she is.
Kirk and Petri contemplate how they’re going to get the conch shell off of the ambassador’s head.
Petri tries to present wedding gifts to Elaan, but she rejects them and complains about the quarters. Elaan rejects the gifts and when Kirk responds, he curtly informs her there’s nothing better on the ship and she’ll just have to put up with it. She reveals that the Elas council has forced her into the wedding against her wishes. Outside Kirk tries to calm down an equally furious Petri and suggests he approach her from a position of strength.
Forward phaser breasts on stun!
Spock has detected a sensor anomaly but is unable to identify what it is. When Elaan and her security team go to Engineering, Kirk is forced to intervene once again when she insults Scotty. The sensor anomaly resolves as a Klingon warship following them on a parallel course. Kirk is summoned to the Dohlman’s quarters to discover that she has stabbed Petri in the back.
Nobody upstages me!
McCoy manages to patch Petri up but the ambassador refuses to leave until he is fully healed: someone else will have to deal with Elaan. Uhura delivers a top-security message to Kirk revealing that the Federation High Commissioner will be coming to the wedding, making the whole thing of critical importance. Meanwhile, Petri explains to Nurse Chapel that Elasian women manage to attract mates despite their violent tempers because their tears are reputed to act like a love potion.
Ambassador Petri valiantly tries to avoid looking at Kirk’s crotch.
Kirk goes to tell Elaan the news and that she will have a new teacher in etiquette: himself. He starts with table manners but it doesn’t go well. She slaps him and he promptly slaps her back. When she throws a knife at him, he calmly leaves and informs her the next lesson will be in courtesy.
Green chicken and booze: it’s what’s for dinner!
Elaan’s security chief, Kryton, sneaks into Engineering and kills a technician. He then sabotages the anti-matter pods. Meanwhile, Kirk goes to Elaan’s quarters once more. When the guards refuse him entrance and try to attack him, he has Spock stun them and then goes inside. When he insists on trying to teach her manners, she at first refuses and then breaks into tears, insisting she only wants people to like her. When Kirk brushes away her tears, he becomes dazed and then enraptured, and ends up kissing her. However, they’re interrupted when Spock and Uhura determine that Kryton is sending a message and notify the captain. They go to Engineering but Kryton disintegrates himself with a stolen phaser rather than reveal who he was working for. Kirk has Scotty make a complete check to determine what Kryton was going.
Kirk thanks Spock for once again administering the slap-down and saving his ass.
The captain updates Elaan on the situation, and she figures Kryton betrayed them to the Klingons since he was her original fiancé. She’s more interested in knowing what Kirk plans to do next, and suggests he destroy Troyius and become ruler of the system with her. Kirk tries to resist her suggestions and they’re interrupted when Spock and McCoy arrive to tell him that they’ve confirmed an Elasian woman’s tears have a biochemical substance that cause males to fall permanently in love with them. However, the Klingons begin an attack run at warp speed and Kirk heads to the bridge. He prepares to order the Enterprise to warp to match, but Scotty calls up just in time to warn that the dilithium crystals have been sabotaged and if they go to warp, they’ll blow up. The Klingon ship flies past without firing, having attempted to bluff the Enterprise into going to warp and destroying itself.
Yeah, she thought she needed an aphrodisiac to get you to have sex with her, Jim.
We didn’t get it either.
Elaan comes to the bridge and Kirk over-protectively takes her to Sickbay. The dilithium crystals are fused and they have no replacements, and are unable to fight back without warp drive. McCoy is working on a cure when Elaan arrives, and Petri pleads with her to accept her husband-to-be’s wedding gifts, including a necklace of good-luck stones. A subdued Elaan agrees as she deals with her own feelings for Kirk.
Aye, I can fix the matter/anti-matter drives with a communicator and a fondue fork. The vibrator up above? Nay, that would be for later with Lt. Uhura.
Kirk tries to bluff the Klingons since he’s unable to signal Starfleet for help without giving away their weakness. The Klingons insist on their immediate surrender and begin firing when it’s not forthcoming. Elaan returns to the bridge while the Klingons hammer away at the shields. Spock notices odd energy readings and traces them to Elaan and her necklace. They are dilithium crystals, which she describes as common stones in the system. Now that they know what the Klingons want, Spock and Scotty take the stones and use them in the anti-matter/matter pod. The energy flow is erratic but they have enough power to drive the Klingons off. Elaan doesn’t understand why Kirk refuses to move in for the kill.
Ansara? A no-talent hack? John Colicos? What a ham. William Campbell? No way. In a few decades I’ll be in Deep Space Nine as the most popular Klingon and invited to conventions, and where will they be? Nowhere, I tell you, nowhere!
Later in orbit about Troyius, Kirk escorts Elaan to the transporter room. She gives him her knife as a memento, saying she has learned she no longer needs it. She asks that he remember her and he notes that he has no choice. She goes to do her duty and Kirk returns to the bridge to does his. McCoy has come up with an antidote, but Spock assures him it isn’t necessary: Kirk’s love for the ship has overcome Elaan’s spell.
Well, Spock, I found the cure for the Elasian love tears. Six ounces of saltpeter,
slipped into the captain’s coffee once a day.
In this particular instance, Doctor, I agree with you.
We are the Goa’uld, here to conquer your galaxy and pretend to be your gods: has anyone seen Colonel O’Neill?
Elaan immediately starts insulting Petri and demanding “appropriate” treatment as befits her position. Kirk is less then impressed and has Spock take her to her temporary quarters (borrowed from Uhura). Kirk finally finds out what the mission is from Petri: Elaan and the ruler of Troyius are to be wed to assure peace between the two planets, and Petri is there to teach her manners. He asks them to proceed at sublight so he has enough time to make her suitable for her wedding, and notes that if the mission fails then Starfleet won’t be thrilled with the captain. Kirk agrees and Petri further asks him to make sure the Dohlman be shown appropriate respect at all times no matter how obnoxious she is.
Kirk and Petri contemplate how they’re going to get the conch shell off of the ambassador’s head.
Petri tries to present wedding gifts to Elaan, but she rejects them and complains about the quarters. Elaan rejects the gifts and when Kirk responds, he curtly informs her there’s nothing better on the ship and she’ll just have to put up with it. She reveals that the Elas council has forced her into the wedding against her wishes. Outside Kirk tries to calm down an equally furious Petri and suggests he approach her from a position of strength.
Forward phaser breasts on stun!
Spock has detected a sensor anomaly but is unable to identify what it is. When Elaan and her security team go to Engineering, Kirk is forced to intervene once again when she insults Scotty. The sensor anomaly resolves as a Klingon warship following them on a parallel course. Kirk is summoned to the Dohlman’s quarters to discover that she has stabbed Petri in the back.
Nobody upstages me!
McCoy manages to patch Petri up but the ambassador refuses to leave until he is fully healed: someone else will have to deal with Elaan. Uhura delivers a top-security message to Kirk revealing that the Federation High Commissioner will be coming to the wedding, making the whole thing of critical importance. Meanwhile, Petri explains to Nurse Chapel that Elasian women manage to attract mates despite their violent tempers because their tears are reputed to act like a love potion.
Ambassador Petri valiantly tries to avoid looking at Kirk’s crotch.
Kirk goes to tell Elaan the news and that she will have a new teacher in etiquette: himself. He starts with table manners but it doesn’t go well. She slaps him and he promptly slaps her back. When she throws a knife at him, he calmly leaves and informs her the next lesson will be in courtesy.
Green chicken and booze: it’s what’s for dinner!
Elaan’s security chief, Kryton, sneaks into Engineering and kills a technician. He then sabotages the anti-matter pods. Meanwhile, Kirk goes to Elaan’s quarters once more. When the guards refuse him entrance and try to attack him, he has Spock stun them and then goes inside. When he insists on trying to teach her manners, she at first refuses and then breaks into tears, insisting she only wants people to like her. When Kirk brushes away her tears, he becomes dazed and then enraptured, and ends up kissing her. However, they’re interrupted when Spock and Uhura determine that Kryton is sending a message and notify the captain. They go to Engineering but Kryton disintegrates himself with a stolen phaser rather than reveal who he was working for. Kirk has Scotty make a complete check to determine what Kryton was going.
Kirk thanks Spock for once again administering the slap-down and saving his ass.
The captain updates Elaan on the situation, and she figures Kryton betrayed them to the Klingons since he was her original fiancé. She’s more interested in knowing what Kirk plans to do next, and suggests he destroy Troyius and become ruler of the system with her. Kirk tries to resist her suggestions and they’re interrupted when Spock and McCoy arrive to tell him that they’ve confirmed an Elasian woman’s tears have a biochemical substance that cause males to fall permanently in love with them. However, the Klingons begin an attack run at warp speed and Kirk heads to the bridge. He prepares to order the Enterprise to warp to match, but Scotty calls up just in time to warn that the dilithium crystals have been sabotaged and if they go to warp, they’ll blow up. The Klingon ship flies past without firing, having attempted to bluff the Enterprise into going to warp and destroying itself.
Yeah, she thought she needed an aphrodisiac to get you to have sex with her, Jim.
We didn’t get it either.
Elaan comes to the bridge and Kirk over-protectively takes her to Sickbay. The dilithium crystals are fused and they have no replacements, and are unable to fight back without warp drive. McCoy is working on a cure when Elaan arrives, and Petri pleads with her to accept her husband-to-be’s wedding gifts, including a necklace of good-luck stones. A subdued Elaan agrees as she deals with her own feelings for Kirk.
Aye, I can fix the matter/anti-matter drives with a communicator and a fondue fork. The vibrator up above? Nay, that would be for later with Lt. Uhura.
Kirk tries to bluff the Klingons since he’s unable to signal Starfleet for help without giving away their weakness. The Klingons insist on their immediate surrender and begin firing when it’s not forthcoming. Elaan returns to the bridge while the Klingons hammer away at the shields. Spock notices odd energy readings and traces them to Elaan and her necklace. They are dilithium crystals, which she describes as common stones in the system. Now that they know what the Klingons want, Spock and Scotty take the stones and use them in the anti-matter/matter pod. The energy flow is erratic but they have enough power to drive the Klingons off. Elaan doesn’t understand why Kirk refuses to move in for the kill.
Ansara? A no-talent hack? John Colicos? What a ham. William Campbell? No way. In a few decades I’ll be in Deep Space Nine as the most popular Klingon and invited to conventions, and where will they be? Nowhere, I tell you, nowhere!
Later in orbit about Troyius, Kirk escorts Elaan to the transporter room. She gives him her knife as a memento, saying she has learned she no longer needs it. She asks that he remember her and he notes that he has no choice. She goes to do her duty and Kirk returns to the bridge to does his. McCoy has come up with an antidote, but Spock assures him it isn’t necessary: Kirk’s love for the ship has overcome Elaan’s spell.
Well, Spock, I found the cure for the Elasian love tears. Six ounces of saltpeter,
slipped into the captain’s coffee once a day.
In this particular instance, Doctor, I agree with you.
Several weeks overdue for R&R, the Enterprise arrives in orbit above a pastoral Class M planet with no signs of life. Kirk orders several landing parties down to determin its suitability for shore leave. Sulu and McCoy go down but when they split up, McCoy sees a large white rabbit being chased by a young girl named Alice. McCoy yells for Sulu but by the time he shows up girl and rabbit have both disappeared into the bush. McCoy calls up to Kirk, and the captain suspects that the doctor is trying to lure him down but goes along anyway after Spock gives him a gentle prodding.
Eh,what's up, Doc?
On the planet, McCoy and Kirk track the rabbit's footprints while in the brush a rock rolls aside to reveal an antique revolver. Kirk cancels shore leave and they conduct a more thorough exam of the planet. He's interrupted when they hear gunshots. He and McCoy go to investigate and find Sulu test-firing the revolver he discovered. Sulu says it's just like a gun he was thinking about that he needed for his collection. They then try to find the rabbit and Kirk talks to McCoy about how the fact that he thought McCoy was initially playing a prank remind him of the pranks that an upperclassman named Finnegan played on him at the Academy. They split up to follow the tracks and suddenly Finnegan himself shows up and slugs Kirk. The captain prepares to fight but is forced to leave when he hears a woman's scream. He and the others find Yeoman Barrows, claiming that a cloaked man resembling Don Juan attacked her and ripper her dress. As hidden antenna secretly track them, McCoy tries to reassure Barrows who says she was thinking about Don Juan, while Kirk goes to find Sulu. He's distracted by some flowers and thinks about his first love, Ruth. She appears and kisses him, but doesn't appear to have aged in 15 years.
Do vertical stripes make me look fat?
McCoy interrupts Kirk to report taht they've spotted birds, despite the fact that they initially detected no signs of life. A distracted Kirk finally orders the landing party to assemble at the beam down spot and reluctantly says goodbye to Ruth. Spock calls down to report that they've detected highly advanced power readings that are interfering with the ship's operation, and indicate an advanced civilization somewhere on the planet.
All part of my clever scheme to get Kirk killed so I can take command. Bwah-hah-hah-hah.
McCoy and Barrows are flirting and he talks about how he should treat her as a princess. A princess' dress appears on the bushes in front of them, and Barrows believes McCoy left it there. He goes along with her as she changes into it, while another landing party member, Rodriguez, calls McCoy tio pass on the captain's assembly order. However, the same power field is interfering with the communicators. Rodriguez is forced to break off when a tiger suddenly appears to menace him and his companion, Mary Teller. However, the tiger wanders off and they manage to escape.
Damnit, I'm a doctor, not a gynecologist. Wait, I AM a gynecologist. Damn, I love this job.
Kirk spots the birds and refuses to beam down a security team since so far there's been no danger. However, a samurai warrior emerges from a hidden door to attack Sulu, and the lieutenant discovers his phaser doesn't work. Sulu manages to escape and meet with Kirk, and Spock beams down just before the power cuts off the transporters. They hear a tiger roaring in the distance and go to check it out. Meanwhile, a black knight appears to challenge McCoy when he talks about a black knight in teh context of Barrows' medieval dress. Believing it's a hallucination, he stands there as the knight charges him... and stabs him through the chest, killing him. Kirk and Spock arrive only to discover that their phasers aren't working. Kirk uses Sulu's revolver to bring down the knight, and they discover that "he" is actually some kind of android made out of celluloid matter. Spock concludes that each creation is just as real... and potentially deadly, as the original.
McCoy gets the shaft.
Rodriguez and Teller are heading for the rendezvous when a Japanese fighter plane from Earth's 20th century starts a strafing run, killing Teller. At the glade, the black knight and McCoy disappear when no one is looking. Spock asks Kirk what he was thinking when Finnegan and Ruth appeared. When Kirk mentions Finnegan, the upperclassman appears again and Kirk runs after him into the mountains. The two fight but Finnegan hasn't aged and initially beats up Kirk, knocking him out with a trick. When Kirk wakes up, he demands answers but Finnegan refuses to explain anything. Kirk finally knocks him out and is clearly satisfied despite the beating he's taken. Spock finds him and determines that Kirk has achieved one of his heart's desires. Spock says he has come up with a theory: the planet is somehow making their thoughts real. However, when Spock mentions the tiger it appears and the two officers slowly back away. They head back for the landing party, dodging Rodriguez's Japanese fighter and Sulu's samurai warrior.
Aye, Jimmy, let's whip'em out and see which one's bigger!
At the glade, Barrows thinks of Don Juan again and the figure appears to attack her. Sulu and Rodriguez drive him off and Kirk and Spock arrive. Kirk has them all snap to attention and limit their thoughts, but an elderly man appears out of the bushes. He explains that he is the Caretaker of the planet and identifies them by name. He apologizes, saying that he was initially unaware of the Enterprise's arrival and didn't realize they were unaware of how the planet functioned. Spock realizes that the planet is a sophisticated "amusement park" that the Caretaker's people created to provide themselvse with amusement. Kirk isn't satisfied with the answer, since McCoy is dead. However, the doctor shows up with two attractive "women," and explains that he was taken below the planet's surface and healed in an advanced medical facility. The Caretaker refuses to explain about his people but invites them to take their shore leave on the planet, and adjusts the power field so the ship is no longer incapacitated. Kirk agrees and prepares to head for the ship, but when Ruth arrives he decides to stick around.
And now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, it's been seven years since my last pon farr and I've got a fantasy or two of my own to indulge.
Eh,what's up, Doc?
On the planet, McCoy and Kirk track the rabbit's footprints while in the brush a rock rolls aside to reveal an antique revolver. Kirk cancels shore leave and they conduct a more thorough exam of the planet. He's interrupted when they hear gunshots. He and McCoy go to investigate and find Sulu test-firing the revolver he discovered. Sulu says it's just like a gun he was thinking about that he needed for his collection. They then try to find the rabbit and Kirk talks to McCoy about how the fact that he thought McCoy was initially playing a prank remind him of the pranks that an upperclassman named Finnegan played on him at the Academy. They split up to follow the tracks and suddenly Finnegan himself shows up and slugs Kirk. The captain prepares to fight but is forced to leave when he hears a woman's scream. He and the others find Yeoman Barrows, claiming that a cloaked man resembling Don Juan attacked her and ripper her dress. As hidden antenna secretly track them, McCoy tries to reassure Barrows who says she was thinking about Don Juan, while Kirk goes to find Sulu. He's distracted by some flowers and thinks about his first love, Ruth. She appears and kisses him, but doesn't appear to have aged in 15 years.
Do vertical stripes make me look fat?
McCoy interrupts Kirk to report taht they've spotted birds, despite the fact that they initially detected no signs of life. A distracted Kirk finally orders the landing party to assemble at the beam down spot and reluctantly says goodbye to Ruth. Spock calls down to report that they've detected highly advanced power readings that are interfering with the ship's operation, and indicate an advanced civilization somewhere on the planet.
All part of my clever scheme to get Kirk killed so I can take command. Bwah-hah-hah-hah.
McCoy and Barrows are flirting and he talks about how he should treat her as a princess. A princess' dress appears on the bushes in front of them, and Barrows believes McCoy left it there. He goes along with her as she changes into it, while another landing party member, Rodriguez, calls McCoy tio pass on the captain's assembly order. However, the same power field is interfering with the communicators. Rodriguez is forced to break off when a tiger suddenly appears to menace him and his companion, Mary Teller. However, the tiger wanders off and they manage to escape.
Damnit, I'm a doctor, not a gynecologist. Wait, I AM a gynecologist. Damn, I love this job.
Kirk spots the birds and refuses to beam down a security team since so far there's been no danger. However, a samurai warrior emerges from a hidden door to attack Sulu, and the lieutenant discovers his phaser doesn't work. Sulu manages to escape and meet with Kirk, and Spock beams down just before the power cuts off the transporters. They hear a tiger roaring in the distance and go to check it out. Meanwhile, a black knight appears to challenge McCoy when he talks about a black knight in teh context of Barrows' medieval dress. Believing it's a hallucination, he stands there as the knight charges him... and stabs him through the chest, killing him. Kirk and Spock arrive only to discover that their phasers aren't working. Kirk uses Sulu's revolver to bring down the knight, and they discover that "he" is actually some kind of android made out of celluloid matter. Spock concludes that each creation is just as real... and potentially deadly, as the original.
McCoy gets the shaft.
Rodriguez and Teller are heading for the rendezvous when a Japanese fighter plane from Earth's 20th century starts a strafing run, killing Teller. At the glade, the black knight and McCoy disappear when no one is looking. Spock asks Kirk what he was thinking when Finnegan and Ruth appeared. When Kirk mentions Finnegan, the upperclassman appears again and Kirk runs after him into the mountains. The two fight but Finnegan hasn't aged and initially beats up Kirk, knocking him out with a trick. When Kirk wakes up, he demands answers but Finnegan refuses to explain anything. Kirk finally knocks him out and is clearly satisfied despite the beating he's taken. Spock finds him and determines that Kirk has achieved one of his heart's desires. Spock says he has come up with a theory: the planet is somehow making their thoughts real. However, when Spock mentions the tiger it appears and the two officers slowly back away. They head back for the landing party, dodging Rodriguez's Japanese fighter and Sulu's samurai warrior.
Aye, Jimmy, let's whip'em out and see which one's bigger!
At the glade, Barrows thinks of Don Juan again and the figure appears to attack her. Sulu and Rodriguez drive him off and Kirk and Spock arrive. Kirk has them all snap to attention and limit their thoughts, but an elderly man appears out of the bushes. He explains that he is the Caretaker of the planet and identifies them by name. He apologizes, saying that he was initially unaware of the Enterprise's arrival and didn't realize they were unaware of how the planet functioned. Spock realizes that the planet is a sophisticated "amusement park" that the Caretaker's people created to provide themselvse with amusement. Kirk isn't satisfied with the answer, since McCoy is dead. However, the doctor shows up with two attractive "women," and explains that he was taken below the planet's surface and healed in an advanced medical facility. The Caretaker refuses to explain about his people but invites them to take their shore leave on the planet, and adjusts the power field so the ship is no longer incapacitated. Kirk agrees and prepares to head for the ship, but when Ruth arrives he decides to stick around.
And now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, it's been seven years since my last pon farr and I've got a fantasy or two of my own to indulge.
On the planet Janus VI, Chief Engineer Vandenberg supervises the mining team at the Federation pergium colony. Something has killed 50 of their men and Vandenberg and his men relieve a sentry while waiting for the Enterprise to arrive. The new guard goes on duty by himself, but a mysterious alien creature strikes from the shadows and reduces him to a burnt corpse.
One of the few people who saw William Shatner in Incubus.
The Enterprise arrives and Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down to meet with Vandenberg and his assistant Appel. The deaths began three months ago after the miners hit upon a new vein. After that, something started destroying machinery and then killing men. The last man died three days ago in an upper level as the creature has moved steadily upward. Appel describes the creature as a huge shaggy beast immune to phaser fire. Spock is intrigued by a spherical silicon nodule, and Vandenberg explains they discovered it in a cavern but it has no value. McCoy examines one of the corpses and discovers that they were killed by corrosive acid. The Federation needs the pergium from the colony and Kirk is the one sent to make sure it's produced.
Diarrhea is like a storm raging in your stomach.
The creature kills a guard at the colony's reactor chamber and takes the main circulating pump. The reactor starts to go critical and Scotty determines they only have 48 hours before it explodes, even after he rigs a temporary replacement. Spock concludes the creature is intelligent and deliberately stole the part, and they wonder why the creature is attacking now. Spock believes the creature is connected to the silicon nodules and believes that the attacker is a rare silicon-based lifeform with a thick enough hide to resist Level I phasers. They order the security guards to use Level II phasers while Spock continues to examine the nodule.
Leonard Nimoy's career with the Harlem Globetrotters proved short-lived.
The Enterprise security teams begin to patrol the tunnels and Spock suggests they start at Level 23, where the nodules were found. Spock and Kirk join the search and Spock detects a silicon lifeform as well as smooth tunnels that the miners aren't responsible for. The creature kills an Enterprise security guard and Kirk and Spock are the first on the scene and find his charred corpse. They hear a rumbling noise and the creature emerges from a newly formed tunnel. They open fire with the Level II phasers and drive it back, removing a piece of its hide. They believe the creature is more dangerous then ever now that it is wounded.
Puttin' the red in redshirt.
Spock manages to track the creature by its silicon lifeform readings but suspects that it is the last of its race because there are more tunnels then one creature could account for. Kirk orders the security teams to fire to kill, despite Spock's concerns they may be killing a creature that is the last of its kind. Kirk tries to assign him to Scotty's repair team but Spock insists that he be in the field and the odds of both he and Kirk being killed is unlikely. Kirk tries to evacuate the miners but Vandenberg, Appel, and some of the others insist on remaining to hunt down the creature, with clubs if need be. Kirk and Spock go out with the security teams but have to split up to follow the creature's tunnels. Kirk discovers more of the silicon nodules and Spock advises him not to damage them. The creature brings down the tunnels behind them, cutting them off, and then advances on Kirk.
Dominos pan pizza: we deliver in 30 minutes or less, or its free.
Kirk threatens it with its phaser and it stops, but refuses to either leave or advance. It blocks the captain's pat leading onward. Spock comes up behind it, concerned for Kirk, but the captain suggests they hold off since the creature isn't threatening him at the moment. The creature turns arond and reveals the wound it suffered earlier from their phaser fire, and they notice more of the nodules nearby. Spock attempts a mind-meld but falls back, overwhelmed by the creature's pain. It then shuffles over to a rock and, having learned English from the meld, burns the words "No Kill I" into its surface. They're not sure if it's a promise, or a plea for mercy. Spock has learned about the creature from the meld and says it is a highly intelligent being which calls itself a Horta.
The Horta enters its first season American Idol vote, but despite its best efforts and bad spelling,
Kelly Clarkson still won.
Spock needs to meld further with Horta to learn what it did with the reactor pump and why it started murdering the miners. The creature lets him do so and while they commune, Spock calls in McCoy and has the security guards hold back the miners. Spock speaks of the thousands dying, the end of eternity, and the "Chamber of Ages." Kirk has McCoy tend to the creatures wound while Spock directs Kirk to the pump within the Chamber of Ages. Kirk finds the Chamber filled with more of the silicon nodules... and the pump. He comes back and Spock emerges from the meld to reveal that the nodules are the Horta's eggs and the miners inadvertently destroyed thousands of them.
I sense bad acting, Captain.
The miners fight their way past the security guards and prepare to kill the Horta, but Kirk tells them to back down and explains what's happened. Spock has learned that once every 50,000 years all but one Horta dies, and it acts as the caretaker for the eggs of the next gneeration. The creature was peaceful until the miners threatened its children, and still returned the circulating pump. McCoy heals the creature using quick-hardening cement from the ship's stores, while Spock proposes that the miners make an arrangement with the Horta to find rare minerals that lay beyond conventional digging equipment. The miner agrees and as the Enterprise leaves, Vandenberg lets them know that the eggs have hatched and they're already locating new ores. Spock admits he finds the Horta's mental processes intriguing, but Kirk notes that Spock may be biased because the Horta likes his pointed ears.
Dr. McCoy lectures the miners on the evils of masturbation.
One of the few people who saw William Shatner in Incubus.
The Enterprise arrives and Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down to meet with Vandenberg and his assistant Appel. The deaths began three months ago after the miners hit upon a new vein. After that, something started destroying machinery and then killing men. The last man died three days ago in an upper level as the creature has moved steadily upward. Appel describes the creature as a huge shaggy beast immune to phaser fire. Spock is intrigued by a spherical silicon nodule, and Vandenberg explains they discovered it in a cavern but it has no value. McCoy examines one of the corpses and discovers that they were killed by corrosive acid. The Federation needs the pergium from the colony and Kirk is the one sent to make sure it's produced.
Diarrhea is like a storm raging in your stomach.
The creature kills a guard at the colony's reactor chamber and takes the main circulating pump. The reactor starts to go critical and Scotty determines they only have 48 hours before it explodes, even after he rigs a temporary replacement. Spock concludes the creature is intelligent and deliberately stole the part, and they wonder why the creature is attacking now. Spock believes the creature is connected to the silicon nodules and believes that the attacker is a rare silicon-based lifeform with a thick enough hide to resist Level I phasers. They order the security guards to use Level II phasers while Spock continues to examine the nodule.
Leonard Nimoy's career with the Harlem Globetrotters proved short-lived.
The Enterprise security teams begin to patrol the tunnels and Spock suggests they start at Level 23, where the nodules were found. Spock and Kirk join the search and Spock detects a silicon lifeform as well as smooth tunnels that the miners aren't responsible for. The creature kills an Enterprise security guard and Kirk and Spock are the first on the scene and find his charred corpse. They hear a rumbling noise and the creature emerges from a newly formed tunnel. They open fire with the Level II phasers and drive it back, removing a piece of its hide. They believe the creature is more dangerous then ever now that it is wounded.
Puttin' the red in redshirt.
Spock manages to track the creature by its silicon lifeform readings but suspects that it is the last of its race because there are more tunnels then one creature could account for. Kirk orders the security teams to fire to kill, despite Spock's concerns they may be killing a creature that is the last of its kind. Kirk tries to assign him to Scotty's repair team but Spock insists that he be in the field and the odds of both he and Kirk being killed is unlikely. Kirk tries to evacuate the miners but Vandenberg, Appel, and some of the others insist on remaining to hunt down the creature, with clubs if need be. Kirk and Spock go out with the security teams but have to split up to follow the creature's tunnels. Kirk discovers more of the silicon nodules and Spock advises him not to damage them. The creature brings down the tunnels behind them, cutting them off, and then advances on Kirk.
Dominos pan pizza: we deliver in 30 minutes or less, or its free.
Kirk threatens it with its phaser and it stops, but refuses to either leave or advance. It blocks the captain's pat leading onward. Spock comes up behind it, concerned for Kirk, but the captain suggests they hold off since the creature isn't threatening him at the moment. The creature turns arond and reveals the wound it suffered earlier from their phaser fire, and they notice more of the nodules nearby. Spock attempts a mind-meld but falls back, overwhelmed by the creature's pain. It then shuffles over to a rock and, having learned English from the meld, burns the words "No Kill I" into its surface. They're not sure if it's a promise, or a plea for mercy. Spock has learned about the creature from the meld and says it is a highly intelligent being which calls itself a Horta.
The Horta enters its first season American Idol vote, but despite its best efforts and bad spelling,
Kelly Clarkson still won.
Spock needs to meld further with Horta to learn what it did with the reactor pump and why it started murdering the miners. The creature lets him do so and while they commune, Spock calls in McCoy and has the security guards hold back the miners. Spock speaks of the thousands dying, the end of eternity, and the "Chamber of Ages." Kirk has McCoy tend to the creatures wound while Spock directs Kirk to the pump within the Chamber of Ages. Kirk finds the Chamber filled with more of the silicon nodules... and the pump. He comes back and Spock emerges from the meld to reveal that the nodules are the Horta's eggs and the miners inadvertently destroyed thousands of them.
I sense bad acting, Captain.
The miners fight their way past the security guards and prepare to kill the Horta, but Kirk tells them to back down and explains what's happened. Spock has learned that once every 50,000 years all but one Horta dies, and it acts as the caretaker for the eggs of the next gneeration. The creature was peaceful until the miners threatened its children, and still returned the circulating pump. McCoy heals the creature using quick-hardening cement from the ship's stores, while Spock proposes that the miners make an arrangement with the Horta to find rare minerals that lay beyond conventional digging equipment. The miner agrees and as the Enterprise leaves, Vandenberg lets them know that the eggs have hatched and they're already locating new ores. Spock admits he finds the Horta's mental processes intriguing, but Kirk notes that Spock may be biased because the Horta likes his pointed ears.
Dr. McCoy lectures the miners on the evils of masturbation.
Dr. McCoy notes in his medical log that Captain Kirk is showing increasing signs of tension and stress, and is resisting any attempts to test him. While on routine patrol Kirk orders the ship into the Neutral Zone and beyond, despite the fact he has received no orders from Starfleet to do so. Once they enter Romulan space, they are immediately surrounded by three undetected Romulan ships that emerge from behind their cloaks.
That’s a recycled special effects for a third season episode!
It becomes clear the Romulans have created a new cloaking device that can‘t be penetrated by motion sensors. Subcommander Tal calls them from the command ship and orders them to surrender but Kirk threatens to blow up the ship if the Romulans make any attempt to board it. Once Tal and his unseen superior notice that Spock is on board, Tal receives a message from his commander to give them an hour to consider their options. In the briefing room, McCoy learns that Kirk orders the ship into Romulan space on his own and is angry. Spock accuses Kirk of forcing the situation and leaving them with no viable options. With the hour up, Tal calls and informs them his commander wants to meet with them and offers an exchange of hostages.
Are we going to take crap from this Romulan with a loose left ear, Keptain?
With no choices remaining, Kirk and Spock beam over and meet with the Romulan Commander: a woman. She first talks with Kirk who claims that instrument failure was the cause of their “accidental” passage into Romulan ship. She doesn’t believe him and asks Spock to tell her the truth. While she believes and he confirms that Vulcans never lie, he refuses to speak about the situation, confirming her suspicions that there is something to hide. She assumes they’re after the new cloaking device and threatens to torture Kirk. Even thought that will kill him rather the get the information, she is unconcerned. To save his captain, Spock testifies that Kirk snapped under the stress and ordered the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone on his own initiative.
Shatner gets the news that his one stab at a decent-paying role for the next 20 years is going up in smoke.
The Commander orders Scotty to surrender and promises that the crew won’t be held responsible as they were acting under orders. Scotty refuses to surrender the ship and the Command has Kirk taken from the bridge. She talks with Spock and suggests that he should have a ship of his own in the Romulan fleet. Spock considers the matter with interest.
Among the opportunities you can have as a Romulan Officer is the chance to ogle your Commander as she wears a mini-skirt.
A demented Kirk throws himself at the brig’s force field and manages to stun himself, and the Commander calls McCoy over to deal with him. She takes Spock to the brig, passing by a high-security area. In the brig, McCoy confirms that Kirk is suffering from extreme mental stress and the Commander uses that to confirm Spock’s testimony. A furious Kirk attacks his first officer and Spock instinctively grabs him and administers the Vulcan Death Grip. Kirk collapses to the floor, dead, and McCoy returns the body to the ship.
Sometimes one stupid picture is worth a thousand stupid words.
Back on board the Enterprise, McCoy revives Kirk and reveals to Nurse Chapel that the whole thing was a ploy. Kirk and Spock are both acting under Federation orders and they faked Kirk’s death so he could gain access to the cloaking device and steal it. Kirk has McCoy begin plastic surgery on him. Later, they call Scotty down to Sickbay and reveal they’ve transformed Kirk into a Romulan. He wears the uniform of one of their prisoners and waits for Spock to give him the coordinates of the room with the cloaking device.
Could it be... Satan!?!
The Commander invites Spock to a specially-prepared Vulcan dinner, and tries to convince him to join the Romulans. Since he is occupied, Kirk has no choice but to beam over to the Romulan flagship in his disguise and try to find the cloaking device. Spock finally agrees to the Commander’s offer and agrees to take a security team over to secure the bridge and bring the ship to a Romulan starbase. However, he suggests they take an hour to be together and she goes into the next room to change out of her uniform. Once she leaves, Spock contacts Kirk and gives him directions to the high-security area with the cloaking device. He’s forced to break off when the Commander returns in more casual lingerie and the two flirt in a Romulan/Vulcan way.
Finger sex!
Kirk knocks out a guard and gets to the high-security chamber, while Tal interrupts the Commander to reveal they’ve detected an alien communicator transmission. Spock surrenders his communicator and the Command realizes she’s been tricked. She and Tal go to the cloaking device only to discover that Kirk has escaped with the device. Unaware he’s returned to the Enterprise, she orders a shipwide search for the intruder. Scotty works to hook up the cloaking device before Spock is executed.
With time running out, Spock demands the Right of Statement and stalls for time. The Enterprise manages to pinpoint Spock’s Vulcan life sign readings from among the Romulans and beams him aboard. The Commander grabs him as he is transported and arrives on the Enterprise with him. As soon as he’s aboard, the Enterprise flees at Warp 9 and Subcommander Tal pursues. Kirk warns Tal that they have his Commander but she orders her officer to destroy the Enterprise no matter what. As Tal prepares to open fire, Scotty completes the installation and the Enterprise disappears from the Romulan sensors.
Fortunately, the Romulan Right of Statement not only allows me to talk at length, but to have my witness wear Romulan lingerie.
Kirk has Spock take the Commander to confinement and as they ride down in the turbo lift, it’s clear that the Commander was interested romantically in Spock but he notes he had no choice but to fulfill his duty, and she wouldn’t have respected him if he failed to do so. On the bridge, McCoy gives Kirk a hard time about having pointed ears and he heads down to Sickbay to get the plastic surgery reversed.
Do these ears make me look fat?
Bill, it's third season. Everything makes you look fat.
That’s a recycled special effects for a third season episode!
It becomes clear the Romulans have created a new cloaking device that can‘t be penetrated by motion sensors. Subcommander Tal calls them from the command ship and orders them to surrender but Kirk threatens to blow up the ship if the Romulans make any attempt to board it. Once Tal and his unseen superior notice that Spock is on board, Tal receives a message from his commander to give them an hour to consider their options. In the briefing room, McCoy learns that Kirk orders the ship into Romulan space on his own and is angry. Spock accuses Kirk of forcing the situation and leaving them with no viable options. With the hour up, Tal calls and informs them his commander wants to meet with them and offers an exchange of hostages.
Are we going to take crap from this Romulan with a loose left ear, Keptain?
With no choices remaining, Kirk and Spock beam over and meet with the Romulan Commander: a woman. She first talks with Kirk who claims that instrument failure was the cause of their “accidental” passage into Romulan ship. She doesn’t believe him and asks Spock to tell her the truth. While she believes and he confirms that Vulcans never lie, he refuses to speak about the situation, confirming her suspicions that there is something to hide. She assumes they’re after the new cloaking device and threatens to torture Kirk. Even thought that will kill him rather the get the information, she is unconcerned. To save his captain, Spock testifies that Kirk snapped under the stress and ordered the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone on his own initiative.
Shatner gets the news that his one stab at a decent-paying role for the next 20 years is going up in smoke.
The Commander orders Scotty to surrender and promises that the crew won’t be held responsible as they were acting under orders. Scotty refuses to surrender the ship and the Command has Kirk taken from the bridge. She talks with Spock and suggests that he should have a ship of his own in the Romulan fleet. Spock considers the matter with interest.
Among the opportunities you can have as a Romulan Officer is the chance to ogle your Commander as she wears a mini-skirt.
A demented Kirk throws himself at the brig’s force field and manages to stun himself, and the Commander calls McCoy over to deal with him. She takes Spock to the brig, passing by a high-security area. In the brig, McCoy confirms that Kirk is suffering from extreme mental stress and the Commander uses that to confirm Spock’s testimony. A furious Kirk attacks his first officer and Spock instinctively grabs him and administers the Vulcan Death Grip. Kirk collapses to the floor, dead, and McCoy returns the body to the ship.
Sometimes one stupid picture is worth a thousand stupid words.
Back on board the Enterprise, McCoy revives Kirk and reveals to Nurse Chapel that the whole thing was a ploy. Kirk and Spock are both acting under Federation orders and they faked Kirk’s death so he could gain access to the cloaking device and steal it. Kirk has McCoy begin plastic surgery on him. Later, they call Scotty down to Sickbay and reveal they’ve transformed Kirk into a Romulan. He wears the uniform of one of their prisoners and waits for Spock to give him the coordinates of the room with the cloaking device.
Could it be... Satan!?!
The Commander invites Spock to a specially-prepared Vulcan dinner, and tries to convince him to join the Romulans. Since he is occupied, Kirk has no choice but to beam over to the Romulan flagship in his disguise and try to find the cloaking device. Spock finally agrees to the Commander’s offer and agrees to take a security team over to secure the bridge and bring the ship to a Romulan starbase. However, he suggests they take an hour to be together and she goes into the next room to change out of her uniform. Once she leaves, Spock contacts Kirk and gives him directions to the high-security area with the cloaking device. He’s forced to break off when the Commander returns in more casual lingerie and the two flirt in a Romulan/Vulcan way.
Finger sex!
Kirk knocks out a guard and gets to the high-security chamber, while Tal interrupts the Commander to reveal they’ve detected an alien communicator transmission. Spock surrenders his communicator and the Command realizes she’s been tricked. She and Tal go to the cloaking device only to discover that Kirk has escaped with the device. Unaware he’s returned to the Enterprise, she orders a shipwide search for the intruder. Scotty works to hook up the cloaking device before Spock is executed.
With time running out, Spock demands the Right of Statement and stalls for time. The Enterprise manages to pinpoint Spock’s Vulcan life sign readings from among the Romulans and beams him aboard. The Commander grabs him as he is transported and arrives on the Enterprise with him. As soon as he’s aboard, the Enterprise flees at Warp 9 and Subcommander Tal pursues. Kirk warns Tal that they have his Commander but she orders her officer to destroy the Enterprise no matter what. As Tal prepares to open fire, Scotty completes the installation and the Enterprise disappears from the Romulan sensors.
Fortunately, the Romulan Right of Statement not only allows me to talk at length, but to have my witness wear Romulan lingerie.
Kirk has Spock take the Commander to confinement and as they ride down in the turbo lift, it’s clear that the Commander was interested romantically in Spock but he notes he had no choice but to fulfill his duty, and she wouldn’t have respected him if he failed to do so. On the bridge, McCoy gives Kirk a hard time about having pointed ears and he heads down to Sickbay to get the plastic surgery reversed.
Do these ears make me look fat?
Bill, it's third season. Everything makes you look fat.
Kirk leads an expedition to find tritanium, a diamond-hard ore valuable to the Federation. They discover it on the uninhabited planet but the captain notices a honey-like odor that he seems to remember. He orders Ensign Rizzo to take a team to search for a cloud and scan for di-kironium while keeping an eye out for a gaseous cloud. As he sends the team out, Scotty calls to remind him that they are due to rendezvous with the Yorktown in eight hours to receive and deliver vital medical supplies for Theta 7. Rizzo and his two men pick up traces of di-kironium but are unable to get a fix. A cloud sweeps over Rizzo's men, killing them, and then closes in on Rizzo. He signals to Kirk, who comes running with the others only to find Rizzo in critical condition and the other two men dead, every red corpuscle drained from their bodies.
These GOP candidates just keep getting whiter every election.
Back on the ship, McCoy and Chapel work to stabilize Rizzo while Kirk orders the ship to remain in orbit to investigate the deaths. Given the need to deliver the medical supplies, McCoy is unhappy and Kirk tells him to check the records of the Farragut from eleven years ago. He then has McCoy revive Rizzo long enough for the ensign to describe the honey-like odor and claim that he sensed some kind of hostile intelligence. McCoy believes that Rizzo is delusional but Kirk dismisses his concerns and storms out.
You're… kneeling… on my crotch, Captain.
Kirk continues to ignore Starfleet transmissions concerning the vaccines and orders Spock to scan the planet for di-kironium. Spock is dubious, and notes that such a cloud would have to be able to transmute its makeup at will. Kirk directs him to the same Farragut records then meets with Ensign Garrovick, the new head of security. Kirk served with Garrovick's father but notes that the ensign will receive no special treatment from him. They get word that Rizzo has died and Kirk offers Garrovick, his friend, a chance at what killed him. They return to the planet and split up into two teams. The same cloud rises above a hill, pauses for a moment, then attack Garrovick's two men. He hesitates and then fires. When Kirk and his men arrive, they find the two security guards dead and a stunned Garrovick near their bodies.
I don't care how much your nipples stick out, Ensign, nobody upstages me on my bridge.
Back on the ship, Garrovick gives his report and Kirk seizes on the fact that he hesitated. Unjustly believing Garrovick's hesitation got his men killed, Kirk suspends him from his duties, shocking Spock and McCoy. Scotty mentions the rendezvous yet again, saying he's cleaning out the radioactive disposal vents while they wait, and Kirk snaps at him and the rest of the crew then apologizes but is clearly still obsessed with the creature.
So you'll be sure to mention me in your biography, Bill,
and give me and the other secondary stars full credit, right?
Ummm, sure…
Spock meets with McCoy and admits he needs a human perspective on the captain's obsession. He has McCoy read the Farragut log tapes and after the doctor does so, he confronts Kirk over the fact that eleven years ago Kirk was aboard the Farragut and was at weapons control when a similar creature attacked the ship and killed over two hundred men… including Garrovick's father, the captain. Kirk still blames himself because he hesitated, despite a board of inquiry clearing him of all responsibility. When Kirk refuses to drop the matter, McCoy calls Spock in for a formal hearing to determine if they should relieve the captain. Kirk defends his decision, believing it's the same creature that attacked the {i]Farragut over 1,000 light years away, and that it is sentient. When Kirk stands by his decision, they're unable and unwilling to proceed further.
Nimoy's attempts to get his portrait put on the 1968 penny proved less then successful.
They detect the creature as it leaves the planet and heads into space. They follow at warp speed but the creature is able to use gravimetric forces to exceed their maximum speed. Spock warns that the creature is both matter and energy, capable of shifting between both. They're finally forced to slow down when the engines can't hold up under the strain.
Spock cleverly conceals his habit of downloading Internet porn and viewing it on his scanner
during tense moments.
Nurse Chapel forces Garrovick to take a tray of food under McCoy's orders, and notes that the entire crew is on edge. After she leaves, he goes into a fury and throws the tray's lid at the wall, hitting the ventilation controls. In space, the creature slows, then turns and moves toward the Enterprise. They fire phasers and photon torpedoes, but it's able to shift itself out of phase at will. Garrovick reports to the bridge against orders just as the creature attacks the ship, entering through the radioactive exhaust vent Scotty was conducting repairs on. With only two hours of air left with the ventilation system off line, they try and use radioactive waste to flush the creature back out into space.
Look into the camera… react… stare… react… stare… don't break character. And cut!
Spock tries to reassure the captain without success, then goes to see Garrovick in his quarters and explain that his human emotions aren't too blame. As they talk, the creature enters the cabin through the damaged ventilator. Spock gets Garrovick out of the cabin and then tries to close the ventilator. Kirk and a security team arrive and use reverse pressure to suck the creature out of the cabin. Spock emerges and notes that the creature found his green blood unappetizing and left him unharmed.
While Garrovick and McCoy study Spock's face for any signs of pain,
Kirk finds something more... interesting to look at.
They force the creature out of the ship with the radioactive waste and Kirk gets a trace of the creature's odor and seems to "sense" that it's heading back to it's home planet, where the Farragut encountered it 11 years ago. He orders them to head for the planet, Tyco 4, while reassuring Garrovick that their hesitation made no difference either now or eleven years ago, since the creature is immune to phaser fire. Spock concludes the creature is returning to its home world to spawn, and the threat of thousands of such creatures is immeasurable. They conclude that the only way to destroy it is with an enormous anti-matter blast and Kirk insists on taking down the bomb himself, along with enough hemoglobin to use as bait. Spock warns that the explosion could prevent a successful transport but Kirk insists on going and accepts Garrovick's offer to accompany him.
I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part. And we're just the guys to do it.
Kirk and Garrovick beam down to the planet with the hemoglobin and the anti-matter bomb. However, the creature attacks the tube with the hemoglobin before they're ready, draining it of red corpuscles. As it moves toward them, Kirk orders Garrovick back to the ship. Believing Kirk plans to use himself a bait, Garrovick tries to knock him out and they struggle briefly. Kirk explains that he doesn’t plan to get himself killed. They wait until is just on top of them, and the anti-matter bomb, then Kirk orders beam up and detonation. Scotty and Spock manages to materialize them despite the shock waves and the creature's destruction is confirmed. As they head for the rendezvous with the Yorktown, Kirk offers to share some tales with Garrovick about his father.
I have no intention of sacrificing myself, Ensign. Why do you think I brought you along?
These GOP candidates just keep getting whiter every election.
Back on the ship, McCoy and Chapel work to stabilize Rizzo while Kirk orders the ship to remain in orbit to investigate the deaths. Given the need to deliver the medical supplies, McCoy is unhappy and Kirk tells him to check the records of the Farragut from eleven years ago. He then has McCoy revive Rizzo long enough for the ensign to describe the honey-like odor and claim that he sensed some kind of hostile intelligence. McCoy believes that Rizzo is delusional but Kirk dismisses his concerns and storms out.
You're… kneeling… on my crotch, Captain.
Kirk continues to ignore Starfleet transmissions concerning the vaccines and orders Spock to scan the planet for di-kironium. Spock is dubious, and notes that such a cloud would have to be able to transmute its makeup at will. Kirk directs him to the same Farragut records then meets with Ensign Garrovick, the new head of security. Kirk served with Garrovick's father but notes that the ensign will receive no special treatment from him. They get word that Rizzo has died and Kirk offers Garrovick, his friend, a chance at what killed him. They return to the planet and split up into two teams. The same cloud rises above a hill, pauses for a moment, then attack Garrovick's two men. He hesitates and then fires. When Kirk and his men arrive, they find the two security guards dead and a stunned Garrovick near their bodies.
I don't care how much your nipples stick out, Ensign, nobody upstages me on my bridge.
Back on the ship, Garrovick gives his report and Kirk seizes on the fact that he hesitated. Unjustly believing Garrovick's hesitation got his men killed, Kirk suspends him from his duties, shocking Spock and McCoy. Scotty mentions the rendezvous yet again, saying he's cleaning out the radioactive disposal vents while they wait, and Kirk snaps at him and the rest of the crew then apologizes but is clearly still obsessed with the creature.
So you'll be sure to mention me in your biography, Bill,
and give me and the other secondary stars full credit, right?
Ummm, sure…
Spock meets with McCoy and admits he needs a human perspective on the captain's obsession. He has McCoy read the Farragut log tapes and after the doctor does so, he confronts Kirk over the fact that eleven years ago Kirk was aboard the Farragut and was at weapons control when a similar creature attacked the ship and killed over two hundred men… including Garrovick's father, the captain. Kirk still blames himself because he hesitated, despite a board of inquiry clearing him of all responsibility. When Kirk refuses to drop the matter, McCoy calls Spock in for a formal hearing to determine if they should relieve the captain. Kirk defends his decision, believing it's the same creature that attacked the {i]Farragut over 1,000 light years away, and that it is sentient. When Kirk stands by his decision, they're unable and unwilling to proceed further.
Nimoy's attempts to get his portrait put on the 1968 penny proved less then successful.
They detect the creature as it leaves the planet and heads into space. They follow at warp speed but the creature is able to use gravimetric forces to exceed their maximum speed. Spock warns that the creature is both matter and energy, capable of shifting between both. They're finally forced to slow down when the engines can't hold up under the strain.
Spock cleverly conceals his habit of downloading Internet porn and viewing it on his scanner
during tense moments.
Nurse Chapel forces Garrovick to take a tray of food under McCoy's orders, and notes that the entire crew is on edge. After she leaves, he goes into a fury and throws the tray's lid at the wall, hitting the ventilation controls. In space, the creature slows, then turns and moves toward the Enterprise. They fire phasers and photon torpedoes, but it's able to shift itself out of phase at will. Garrovick reports to the bridge against orders just as the creature attacks the ship, entering through the radioactive exhaust vent Scotty was conducting repairs on. With only two hours of air left with the ventilation system off line, they try and use radioactive waste to flush the creature back out into space.
Look into the camera… react… stare… react… stare… don't break character. And cut!
Spock tries to reassure the captain without success, then goes to see Garrovick in his quarters and explain that his human emotions aren't too blame. As they talk, the creature enters the cabin through the damaged ventilator. Spock gets Garrovick out of the cabin and then tries to close the ventilator. Kirk and a security team arrive and use reverse pressure to suck the creature out of the cabin. Spock emerges and notes that the creature found his green blood unappetizing and left him unharmed.
While Garrovick and McCoy study Spock's face for any signs of pain,
Kirk finds something more... interesting to look at.
They force the creature out of the ship with the radioactive waste and Kirk gets a trace of the creature's odor and seems to "sense" that it's heading back to it's home planet, where the Farragut encountered it 11 years ago. He orders them to head for the planet, Tyco 4, while reassuring Garrovick that their hesitation made no difference either now or eleven years ago, since the creature is immune to phaser fire. Spock concludes the creature is returning to its home world to spawn, and the threat of thousands of such creatures is immeasurable. They conclude that the only way to destroy it is with an enormous anti-matter blast and Kirk insists on taking down the bomb himself, along with enough hemoglobin to use as bait. Spock warns that the explosion could prevent a successful transport but Kirk insists on going and accepts Garrovick's offer to accompany him.
I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part. And we're just the guys to do it.
Kirk and Garrovick beam down to the planet with the hemoglobin and the anti-matter bomb. However, the creature attacks the tube with the hemoglobin before they're ready, draining it of red corpuscles. As it moves toward them, Kirk orders Garrovick back to the ship. Believing Kirk plans to use himself a bait, Garrovick tries to knock him out and they struggle briefly. Kirk explains that he doesn’t plan to get himself killed. They wait until is just on top of them, and the anti-matter bomb, then Kirk orders beam up and detonation. Scotty and Spock manages to materialize them despite the shock waves and the creature's destruction is confirmed. As they head for the rendezvous with the Yorktown, Kirk offers to share some tales with Garrovick about his father.
I have no intention of sacrificing myself, Ensign. Why do you think I brought you along?
An unidentified ion-powered alien ship approaches the Enterprise and refuses to identify itself. Even Scotty is impressed by its design and Spock determines a single humanoid lifeform is aboard. The lifeform beams aboard the bridge and appears as an attractive woman. When security guards arrive, she stuns everyone with her wrist bracelet, first on the bridge and then across the entire ship. Smiling, she examines first Kirk, then Spock.
Aye, Captain, the engines are ready to withstand the next hour of the crap storm we're going to enter.
Everyone wakes up to discover that Spock is missing. McCoy calls Kirk down to sickbay and reveals that they have Spock’s body… but its brain has been removed using medical techniques beyond anything they know. McCoy notes that due to Spock’s Vulcan physiology, he can’t maintain his body for more then 24 hours.
Spock prepares for his new career as a Tibetan sherpa.
The Enterprise follows the ship’s ion drive but lose it in the Sigma Draconis system. There are three Class M planets, one with industrial technology similar to the 15th century, another one close to the year 2030 in design. The third planet has no industrial development and is glaciated, with only a primitive society. Uhura picks up regular energy emissions from the ice planet and Kirk decides of the three, it’s the most likely given that none of the three has the necessary technology.
What would they want with Mr. Spock's brain?
Did you really just ask that question? *snicker* Maybe we'd better just grin and bear it, and admire the great F/X display behind us.
Kirk takes a landing party with Scotty, Chekov, and two security guards. The local primitives, all male, attack and they stun one man who talks about the Bringers of Pain & Delight. He doesn’t know what females are and refuses to take them there. Chekov detects ruins indicative of an ancient city and the primitive runs off in terror. Scotty finds a cave holding food and furs, and Kirk spots a light beam. He suspects it’s a trap to lure in the men and calls down McCoy, who arrives with the remote-animated body of Spock. Kirk plans for himself, Scotty, and McCoy to go into the cave and set off the trap, and they take Spock in. They break the beam, a metal door slams down, and the chamber descends down into the depths, while Chekov and the security guards keep watch above.
Lazarus' cousin shows up in town, sharing the same crepe beard.
Underground, the doors open and they come face to face with a woman, who Kirk stuns before she can use her bracelet. McCoy revives her and the woman knows nothing about Spock’s brain or anything else. She identifies herself as Eymorg and McCoy notes that she has the mind of a child. They pick up a signal: Spock, talking to them and fully conscious. They start to move off but the woman from the ship arrives with two male slaves, and stuns them.
And... kick one two three! Kick one two three!
Kirk and the others wake up and discover they have some kind of belt device on them. The woman, Kara, doesn’t know anything about Spock’s brain and McCoy notes it may be complete disassociation. They try to find out who controls the underground compound and Kara realizes they’re talking about their “Controller,” and she refuses to let them meet it once she realizes the brain they’re asking about is the Controller. Kirk tries to humble himself, realizing Spock is the Controller. Kara doesn’t buy it and tortures them using the belt devices. After she leaves, Kirk and the others try to get to their equipment and start a fight. Defeating the Morg guards, Kirk contacts Spock again and confirms he is controlling the entire facility. They lock onto Spock’s transmission and head toward it with Spock’s body in tow. Spock determines that the red button on the bracelet release the pain belts.
Script and script! What is script?
They come to the Control room and enter to find Kara present. She activates the pain belts but Kirk manages to use the remote to move Spock’s body (which doesn’t felt he pain) to attack Kara and release the belts. Kara insists Spock must stay to maintain the base for them but Kirk demands that she put the brain back. Kara has no idea and says that used the “Teacher” to give herself the Old Knowledge. Spock announces that she is referring to the taped storehouse of her ancestors. Kirk forces her under the helmet and she instantly becomes much smarter: smart enough to use a phaser on kill. Scotty fakes illness and distracts her so Kirk can disarm her.
Doohan wonders if Marj Dusay will acknowledge him in her autobiography
if he backs her play to kill Shatner.
Kara refuses to help but McCoy insists he do it himself and hopefully retain the knowledge. Kirk agrees and McCoy dons the Teacher helmet. It inflicts pain on him but he manages to hold onto the knowledge and he begins the operation. Kirk explains to Kara that her and the other women will have to work with the males to survive on the surface. McCoy starts to lose the knowledge and tries to do enough work to hook up Spock’s vocal chords. Spock then directs him through the rest of the surgery using the knowledge he gained as the Controller and the day is saved.
It's so simple, the idiot who wrote this script could do it!
Aye, Captain, the engines are ready to withstand the next hour of the crap storm we're going to enter.
Everyone wakes up to discover that Spock is missing. McCoy calls Kirk down to sickbay and reveals that they have Spock’s body… but its brain has been removed using medical techniques beyond anything they know. McCoy notes that due to Spock’s Vulcan physiology, he can’t maintain his body for more then 24 hours.
Spock prepares for his new career as a Tibetan sherpa.
The Enterprise follows the ship’s ion drive but lose it in the Sigma Draconis system. There are three Class M planets, one with industrial technology similar to the 15th century, another one close to the year 2030 in design. The third planet has no industrial development and is glaciated, with only a primitive society. Uhura picks up regular energy emissions from the ice planet and Kirk decides of the three, it’s the most likely given that none of the three has the necessary technology.
What would they want with Mr. Spock's brain?
Did you really just ask that question? *snicker* Maybe we'd better just grin and bear it, and admire the great F/X display behind us.
Kirk takes a landing party with Scotty, Chekov, and two security guards. The local primitives, all male, attack and they stun one man who talks about the Bringers of Pain & Delight. He doesn’t know what females are and refuses to take them there. Chekov detects ruins indicative of an ancient city and the primitive runs off in terror. Scotty finds a cave holding food and furs, and Kirk spots a light beam. He suspects it’s a trap to lure in the men and calls down McCoy, who arrives with the remote-animated body of Spock. Kirk plans for himself, Scotty, and McCoy to go into the cave and set off the trap, and they take Spock in. They break the beam, a metal door slams down, and the chamber descends down into the depths, while Chekov and the security guards keep watch above.
Lazarus' cousin shows up in town, sharing the same crepe beard.
Underground, the doors open and they come face to face with a woman, who Kirk stuns before she can use her bracelet. McCoy revives her and the woman knows nothing about Spock’s brain or anything else. She identifies herself as Eymorg and McCoy notes that she has the mind of a child. They pick up a signal: Spock, talking to them and fully conscious. They start to move off but the woman from the ship arrives with two male slaves, and stuns them.
And... kick one two three! Kick one two three!
Kirk and the others wake up and discover they have some kind of belt device on them. The woman, Kara, doesn’t know anything about Spock’s brain and McCoy notes it may be complete disassociation. They try to find out who controls the underground compound and Kara realizes they’re talking about their “Controller,” and she refuses to let them meet it once she realizes the brain they’re asking about is the Controller. Kirk tries to humble himself, realizing Spock is the Controller. Kara doesn’t buy it and tortures them using the belt devices. After she leaves, Kirk and the others try to get to their equipment and start a fight. Defeating the Morg guards, Kirk contacts Spock again and confirms he is controlling the entire facility. They lock onto Spock’s transmission and head toward it with Spock’s body in tow. Spock determines that the red button on the bracelet release the pain belts.
Script and script! What is script?
They come to the Control room and enter to find Kara present. She activates the pain belts but Kirk manages to use the remote to move Spock’s body (which doesn’t felt he pain) to attack Kara and release the belts. Kara insists Spock must stay to maintain the base for them but Kirk demands that she put the brain back. Kara has no idea and says that used the “Teacher” to give herself the Old Knowledge. Spock announces that she is referring to the taped storehouse of her ancestors. Kirk forces her under the helmet and she instantly becomes much smarter: smart enough to use a phaser on kill. Scotty fakes illness and distracts her so Kirk can disarm her.
Doohan wonders if Marj Dusay will acknowledge him in her autobiography
if he backs her play to kill Shatner.
Kara refuses to help but McCoy insists he do it himself and hopefully retain the knowledge. Kirk agrees and McCoy dons the Teacher helmet. It inflicts pain on him but he manages to hold onto the knowledge and he begins the operation. Kirk explains to Kara that her and the other women will have to work with the males to survive on the surface. McCoy starts to lose the knowledge and tries to do enough work to hook up Spock’s vocal chords. Spock then directs him through the rest of the surgery using the knowledge he gained as the Controller and the day is saved.
It's so simple, the idiot who wrote this script could do it!
The Enterprise is pursuing a cargo vessel which refuses to respond to their hails. They chase it into an asteroid field where its engines burn out and it starts to drift. To protect it from collision, Kirk has them extend the ship's shields, straining the lithium crystals. Spock and Scotty meet with McCoy in the transporter room and attempt to establish a transporter lock. The captain finally acknowledges their hail and they beam him over: it's a civilian who identifies himself as Leo Walsh.
I'm Harry Mudd, and my belt buckle is as big as my... heart.
Walsh says that he has three crew left but had to find out if the Enterprise was a hostile vessel or not. Scotty locks on to the three remaining crew just as the cargo vessel is destroyed. He manages to beam them over, further stressing the lithium crystals, and the two humans and even Spock are left to stare as three incredibly beautiful women materialize on the transporter platform.
Is it just me, or did our velour pants shrink?
The Enterprise leaves the asteroid belt and Spock escorts Walsh and his women to see the captain. Spock as a Vulcanian is mostly immune to their charms, but the rest of the male crew stare in awe as the women walk past. Kirk is equally impressed by the women but is furious with Walsh and doesn't believe his explanation that he fled what he belied was a hostile ship. Kirk has Walsh confined to quarters and convenes a ship's hearing.
You're a hard one, Captain. I can see my women are having their normal effect.
Scotty reports they only have one lithium crystal remaining and they will be soon down to battery power. The male crew are distracted by the women, who are at liberty to roam the ship. Walsh tells them not to lie but to refuse to submit to medical exams. It's clear that he's not who he claims as they almost slip and mention his real name.
As Kirk and Scotty discuss the three hot women on board,
Spock just counts the days until pon farr kicks in.
The backup circuits are out and Spock suggests they proceed to the lithium mining colony on Rigel 12. As they head there, Kirk calls a hearing and uses the computer to determine that Walsh is lying and his real name is Harcourt Fenton Mudd. Mudd claims that he took Walsh's name as a commemoration when he died and then used his ship to transport the three women, Eve, Ruth, and Magda. He ha arranged for them to become mail-order brides, since they all come from isolated planets with no prospects. Eve defends their right to do so and Kirk decides to hand Mudd over to the legal authorities at the next opportunity. The last crystal burns out and Mudd realizes what's happening. He boasts that now the women can marry miners and he'll be able to buy the Enterprise with the money from the sale.
Neither Kirk, Scotty, nor McCoy can figure out why the heck Farrell is here.
The three women roam the ship and Ruth ends up in Sickbay. McCoy is puzzled by the fact that her body is causing the monitors to react oddly. She's more interested and learning that the miners on Rigel 12 are healthy. Magda flirts with Farrell and gets a communicator. Eve goes to Kirk's quarters, saying she's there to escape all the men staring at her. She starts to kiss him but then says she can't go through with it and abruptly leaves. She goes to Mudd's cabin, looking aged and decrepit and saying it must be close to "the time."
Not content with their Web, the Tholians use their personal Bubble Wrap energy trap.
Kirk is snapping at the crew at they start showing slower reactions as they're distracted by the women. McCoy admits that the women refused a medical scan but he can't find anything wrong with them. Kirk wonders if their aliens projecting some kind of illusion but McCoy somewhat confusingly figures that they must be legitimate or Ruth wouldn't have caused his medical scanners to bleep.
Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Jim?
I think so, McCoy, but if you replace the K with a J, my name would be Jerk, wouldn't it?
The Enterprise arrives at Rigel 12 and Mudd contacts the miners using the communicator that Magda stole. Chief miner Ben Childress and Herm Gossett beam aboard. Mudd then starts searching his quarters looking for pills. Eve is looking worse and Magda and Ruth are turning into wrinkled hags as well. Mudd finally locates the pills and Ruth and Magda immediately take them and revert to their beautiful selves. Eve is reluctant to take one but Mudd convinces her to go ahead and take the drug and she turns into her beautiful self as well.
Paris Hilton: The Later Days
Kirk meet with Childress who refuses to deal with the captain for money. Instead he insists that they turn over the women and release Mudd. Kirk threatens Childress with the removal of Federation support, but the miner is quickly swayed when Mudd arrives with the women, who use their charms to convince him to stick by his demands as the ship shifts to battery power with only three hours of life support remaining. Later, Kirk, Spock, and Mudd beam down and Kirk is forced to concede. However, the women are already on the planet with the three miners and Childress tells Kirk to wait until later, noting the lithium crystals are hidden where they'll never find them. Eve is starting to age again and Childress approaches one of the other women. A fight breaks out between the miners and Eve runs out into the storm, angry that they're fighting over her. Kirk and Childress go after her but Kirk is forced to beam back up when he can't locate her in the dust storm.
Eve heads off to Hollywood to start her career as a Solid Gold dancer.
As the Enterprise scans the planet from orbit with little success due to the magnetic storms, Childress finds Eve in the storm and brings her back to his personal quarters. The Enterprise detects the heat readings from his stove as Eve prepares a meal in return for him while he sleeps. When he wakes up he's less than thrilled at the fact that her looks are fading and she's becoming increasingly shrewish. He angrily demands an explanation as Kirk and Mudd arrives. Kirk explains that Mudd has been giving the women a Venus Drug that temporarily enhances the women, making them more... feminine. It turns out that the two other miners have gotten married over subspace radio but as it's a fraud, they can get the marriages annulled if they want. Eve asks if Childress wants a wife to share his life with, or a beautiful obedient servant. She takes the Venus Drug and reverts to her beautiful self... but Kirk reveals that he substituted a gelatin substitute for the Venus Drug. Eve has transformed herself. Childress gives Kirk the crystals and suggests that she stay for a while and she agrees. Kirk leaves with Mudd, who tries unsuccessfully to get his sentence commuted to being abandoned on the planet. Back on board, Spock is relieved that the whole emotional episode is done with.
Word of advice, Harry: where you're going next, don't drop the soap.
I'm Harry Mudd, and my belt buckle is as big as my... heart.
Walsh says that he has three crew left but had to find out if the Enterprise was a hostile vessel or not. Scotty locks on to the three remaining crew just as the cargo vessel is destroyed. He manages to beam them over, further stressing the lithium crystals, and the two humans and even Spock are left to stare as three incredibly beautiful women materialize on the transporter platform.
Is it just me, or did our velour pants shrink?
The Enterprise leaves the asteroid belt and Spock escorts Walsh and his women to see the captain. Spock as a Vulcanian is mostly immune to their charms, but the rest of the male crew stare in awe as the women walk past. Kirk is equally impressed by the women but is furious with Walsh and doesn't believe his explanation that he fled what he belied was a hostile ship. Kirk has Walsh confined to quarters and convenes a ship's hearing.
You're a hard one, Captain. I can see my women are having their normal effect.
Scotty reports they only have one lithium crystal remaining and they will be soon down to battery power. The male crew are distracted by the women, who are at liberty to roam the ship. Walsh tells them not to lie but to refuse to submit to medical exams. It's clear that he's not who he claims as they almost slip and mention his real name.
As Kirk and Scotty discuss the three hot women on board,
Spock just counts the days until pon farr kicks in.
The backup circuits are out and Spock suggests they proceed to the lithium mining colony on Rigel 12. As they head there, Kirk calls a hearing and uses the computer to determine that Walsh is lying and his real name is Harcourt Fenton Mudd. Mudd claims that he took Walsh's name as a commemoration when he died and then used his ship to transport the three women, Eve, Ruth, and Magda. He ha arranged for them to become mail-order brides, since they all come from isolated planets with no prospects. Eve defends their right to do so and Kirk decides to hand Mudd over to the legal authorities at the next opportunity. The last crystal burns out and Mudd realizes what's happening. He boasts that now the women can marry miners and he'll be able to buy the Enterprise with the money from the sale.
Neither Kirk, Scotty, nor McCoy can figure out why the heck Farrell is here.
The three women roam the ship and Ruth ends up in Sickbay. McCoy is puzzled by the fact that her body is causing the monitors to react oddly. She's more interested and learning that the miners on Rigel 12 are healthy. Magda flirts with Farrell and gets a communicator. Eve goes to Kirk's quarters, saying she's there to escape all the men staring at her. She starts to kiss him but then says she can't go through with it and abruptly leaves. She goes to Mudd's cabin, looking aged and decrepit and saying it must be close to "the time."
Not content with their Web, the Tholians use their personal Bubble Wrap energy trap.
Kirk is snapping at the crew at they start showing slower reactions as they're distracted by the women. McCoy admits that the women refused a medical scan but he can't find anything wrong with them. Kirk wonders if their aliens projecting some kind of illusion but McCoy somewhat confusingly figures that they must be legitimate or Ruth wouldn't have caused his medical scanners to bleep.
Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Jim?
I think so, McCoy, but if you replace the K with a J, my name would be Jerk, wouldn't it?
The Enterprise arrives at Rigel 12 and Mudd contacts the miners using the communicator that Magda stole. Chief miner Ben Childress and Herm Gossett beam aboard. Mudd then starts searching his quarters looking for pills. Eve is looking worse and Magda and Ruth are turning into wrinkled hags as well. Mudd finally locates the pills and Ruth and Magda immediately take them and revert to their beautiful selves. Eve is reluctant to take one but Mudd convinces her to go ahead and take the drug and she turns into her beautiful self as well.
Paris Hilton: The Later Days
Kirk meet with Childress who refuses to deal with the captain for money. Instead he insists that they turn over the women and release Mudd. Kirk threatens Childress with the removal of Federation support, but the miner is quickly swayed when Mudd arrives with the women, who use their charms to convince him to stick by his demands as the ship shifts to battery power with only three hours of life support remaining. Later, Kirk, Spock, and Mudd beam down and Kirk is forced to concede. However, the women are already on the planet with the three miners and Childress tells Kirk to wait until later, noting the lithium crystals are hidden where they'll never find them. Eve is starting to age again and Childress approaches one of the other women. A fight breaks out between the miners and Eve runs out into the storm, angry that they're fighting over her. Kirk and Childress go after her but Kirk is forced to beam back up when he can't locate her in the dust storm.
Eve heads off to Hollywood to start her career as a Solid Gold dancer.
As the Enterprise scans the planet from orbit with little success due to the magnetic storms, Childress finds Eve in the storm and brings her back to his personal quarters. The Enterprise detects the heat readings from his stove as Eve prepares a meal in return for him while he sleeps. When he wakes up he's less than thrilled at the fact that her looks are fading and she's becoming increasingly shrewish. He angrily demands an explanation as Kirk and Mudd arrives. Kirk explains that Mudd has been giving the women a Venus Drug that temporarily enhances the women, making them more... feminine. It turns out that the two other miners have gotten married over subspace radio but as it's a fraud, they can get the marriages annulled if they want. Eve asks if Childress wants a wife to share his life with, or a beautiful obedient servant. She takes the Venus Drug and reverts to her beautiful self... but Kirk reveals that he substituted a gelatin substitute for the Venus Drug. Eve has transformed herself. Childress gives Kirk the crystals and suggests that she stay for a while and she agrees. Kirk leaves with Mudd, who tries unsuccessfully to get his sentence commuted to being abandoned on the planet. Back on board, Spock is relieved that the whole emotional episode is done with.
Word of advice, Harry: where you're going next, don't drop the soap.
The Enterprise has used the slingshot effect (from "Tomorrow is Yesterday") to travel back in time to Earth, circa 1968, for the purposes of historical research. However, the ship is shaken when it suddenly intercepts an incredibly powerful transporter beam focused toward Earth. Spock and Scotty struggle to adapt the ship's transporter system to receive the alien teleport beam before it rips them apart. Successful, the passenger materializes: a human wearing a 20th century business suit and holding a black cat.
I'm here to stroke a pussy and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum.
The newcomer is nonplussed by his strange environment. As Kirk arrives with a security team, the man recognizes Spock as a Vulcan and realizes they're from the future. He identifies himself as Gary Seven and insists they beam him down to Earth. He explains he was taken by an alien planet that has Earth's interests at heart, trained as an operative, and sent back to aid the planet. The aliens have hidden themselves from sensors, even in the future. Spock warns that as Seven is a human native to the time zone, if they fail to beam him down they could be altering history. Kirk decides against beaming Seven back down and the man attacks the assembled group and tries to take control of the transporter. He overpowers the four humans and is resistant to Spock's nerve touch. Finally Kirk stuns him with a phaser, then orders him to the brig while McCoy does a thorough medical exam.
You interfere with me with what I have to do here, and you'll put Gene Roddenberry out of a job when this pilot doesn't go to series. Probably yourselves, too.
Kirk calls a shipwide briefing from the conference room while Spock considers the cat, Isis. However, neither Chekov nor Scotty have anything to add: an analysis of the teleport beam reveals nothing. Spock notes that there are three significant historical events happening in that date, the most significant of which is the launch of an American nuclear weapons platform. However, that doesn't give any indication to Seven's objectives. McCoy notes that Seven is human, but perfectly so. Meanwhile, Seven uses a pen-servo to disrupt the force field in the brig and stun the guard, then makes his way to the transporter room. Isis leaves the conference room and joins him. As they prepare to beam down while scrambling the coordinates automatically after departure, they set off a security alert, but Kirk and the others arrive there too late as Seven dematerializes with his cat.
Mongo sleepy, Mongo lay down and take little nap now.
Seven and Isis complete their aborted journey and arrive at a hidden chamber in an apartment in New York City. The two expected operatives aren't present and Seven speaks with the Beta 5 computer, which forces him to establish his credentials by stating his mission: to ensure that Earth isn't destroyed. Meanwhile, on the enterprise Scotty manages to narrow down the area where Seven beamed down to, but someone will have to go down to pinpoint the location further. Kirk and Spock, familiar with time travel, go down alone to minimize the chance of altering history.
So, you come here often?
The Beta 5 computer explains that Seven's two fellow operatives were going to sabotage the rocket bearing the nuclear platform but have lost contact three days ago. The rocket will launch in just over an hour. Meanwhile, Kirk and Spock close in, dressed as natives. They're unaware that a young secretary, Roberta Lincoln, is entering the building. She goes to Seven's office where he mistakes her for the missing female operative. He tells her to make a report using a futuristic voice-activated typewriter, which freaks her out. He has the computer scan her and determine she's a native who thinks she was working for encyclopedia researchers. Seven shows him fake papers identifying himself as a CIA agent and convinces her to stay so she doesn't give any secrets away. He then has her man the desk while he goes into his office.
What knockers!
Kirk and Spock pinpoint Seven's location while inside, the Beta 5 determines that the two operatives died driving to McKinley Rocket Base, where the rocket is launching. Roberta lets Kirk and Spock in but when they try to get through to the office, she struggles with them, inadvertently pulling off Spock's concealing hat. She manages to call the police while Kirk gets into the office only to find that Seven has disappeared, having used the hidden teleporter. Kirk finds a map of McKinley Rocket Base as the police arrive, and he calls for beam up. Kirk, Spock and the two policemen end up on the Enterprise, where Kirk quickly beams them back down again before they can do anything but stare in shock.
Spock once again indulges his fetish for sherpa headware.
Seven arrives at McKinley where a security guard spots him and asks for his papers. Despite the fact he has a forged set of NSA papers, the guard prepares to call in to security. Isis distracts the sergeant long enough for Seven to stun him and then hide in the flight officer's car. Meanwhile, Scotty tries to locate Seven by bouncing signals off of a weather satellite. The flight officer drives to the gantry for final inspection and Seven sneaks out and goes up the elevator with Isis.
Nope, nothing phallic in this picture, no-siree bob.
Spock and Kirk beam down in civilian disguises but the sergeant wakes up and arrests them. In New York, Roberta is fiddling with Seven's desk and opens the hidden teleport vault. With twenty minutes left to launch, Seven starts sabotaging the rocket. The flight officers try to figure out what Kirk and Spock's equipment is, while Scotty spots Seven and starts beaming him up. However, Roberta activates the teleport controls at the same time and yanks Seven out of the transport beam and back to his New York office.
Cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon…
Kirk and Spock can only look on as the rocket launches as planned. Seven tries to take control of the rocket via his alien computer, but it's clear by now that he's up to something and Roberta tries to call the authorities. Seven severs the phone cord and locks her in, then arms the rocket's nuclear warhead and takes it off course. McKinley launch control realize something is wrong but there's nothing they can do. Scotty risks calling Kirk and the sergeant picks up the communicator. Spock renders him unconscious and Kirk signals to be beamed to Seven's apartment.
Sylvia from "Catspaw" managed to find a job as a temp pet on Earth in the 20th century.
Roberta knocks out the distracted Seven with a metal cigar box and takes his pen servo. He recovers enough to try and explain that he's on her side but she doesn't believe him. Kirk and Spock arrive but Spock is unable to master the computer controls and Roberta won't let Seven intervene. She is suspicious of Kirk as well and threatens him with the pen-servo, and Seven grabs it for her: it's accidentally set to kill. Kirk is forced to trust him and lets Seven go to the controls. Seven detonates the warhead just before it enters Earth's atmosphere. Making his report, he notes that the scare has frightened the world powers into cutting back on the arms race. Spock notes that everything went exactly as their history tapes show, while Roberta notices that Isis has briefly transformed into a woman. Seven pretends not to know what she's talking about and Isis has transformed back by the time everyone else looks. Kirk and Spock leave, but not before noting that their historical records show that Seven and Roberta have a number of interesting adventures ahead of them.
Werecat!
Where?
There!
What?
There, cat. There, couch. There, office.
I'm here to stroke a pussy and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum.
The newcomer is nonplussed by his strange environment. As Kirk arrives with a security team, the man recognizes Spock as a Vulcan and realizes they're from the future. He identifies himself as Gary Seven and insists they beam him down to Earth. He explains he was taken by an alien planet that has Earth's interests at heart, trained as an operative, and sent back to aid the planet. The aliens have hidden themselves from sensors, even in the future. Spock warns that as Seven is a human native to the time zone, if they fail to beam him down they could be altering history. Kirk decides against beaming Seven back down and the man attacks the assembled group and tries to take control of the transporter. He overpowers the four humans and is resistant to Spock's nerve touch. Finally Kirk stuns him with a phaser, then orders him to the brig while McCoy does a thorough medical exam.
You interfere with me with what I have to do here, and you'll put Gene Roddenberry out of a job when this pilot doesn't go to series. Probably yourselves, too.
Kirk calls a shipwide briefing from the conference room while Spock considers the cat, Isis. However, neither Chekov nor Scotty have anything to add: an analysis of the teleport beam reveals nothing. Spock notes that there are three significant historical events happening in that date, the most significant of which is the launch of an American nuclear weapons platform. However, that doesn't give any indication to Seven's objectives. McCoy notes that Seven is human, but perfectly so. Meanwhile, Seven uses a pen-servo to disrupt the force field in the brig and stun the guard, then makes his way to the transporter room. Isis leaves the conference room and joins him. As they prepare to beam down while scrambling the coordinates automatically after departure, they set off a security alert, but Kirk and the others arrive there too late as Seven dematerializes with his cat.
Mongo sleepy, Mongo lay down and take little nap now.
Seven and Isis complete their aborted journey and arrive at a hidden chamber in an apartment in New York City. The two expected operatives aren't present and Seven speaks with the Beta 5 computer, which forces him to establish his credentials by stating his mission: to ensure that Earth isn't destroyed. Meanwhile, on the enterprise Scotty manages to narrow down the area where Seven beamed down to, but someone will have to go down to pinpoint the location further. Kirk and Spock, familiar with time travel, go down alone to minimize the chance of altering history.
So, you come here often?
The Beta 5 computer explains that Seven's two fellow operatives were going to sabotage the rocket bearing the nuclear platform but have lost contact three days ago. The rocket will launch in just over an hour. Meanwhile, Kirk and Spock close in, dressed as natives. They're unaware that a young secretary, Roberta Lincoln, is entering the building. She goes to Seven's office where he mistakes her for the missing female operative. He tells her to make a report using a futuristic voice-activated typewriter, which freaks her out. He has the computer scan her and determine she's a native who thinks she was working for encyclopedia researchers. Seven shows him fake papers identifying himself as a CIA agent and convinces her to stay so she doesn't give any secrets away. He then has her man the desk while he goes into his office.
What knockers!
Kirk and Spock pinpoint Seven's location while inside, the Beta 5 determines that the two operatives died driving to McKinley Rocket Base, where the rocket is launching. Roberta lets Kirk and Spock in but when they try to get through to the office, she struggles with them, inadvertently pulling off Spock's concealing hat. She manages to call the police while Kirk gets into the office only to find that Seven has disappeared, having used the hidden teleporter. Kirk finds a map of McKinley Rocket Base as the police arrive, and he calls for beam up. Kirk, Spock and the two policemen end up on the Enterprise, where Kirk quickly beams them back down again before they can do anything but stare in shock.
Spock once again indulges his fetish for sherpa headware.
Seven arrives at McKinley where a security guard spots him and asks for his papers. Despite the fact he has a forged set of NSA papers, the guard prepares to call in to security. Isis distracts the sergeant long enough for Seven to stun him and then hide in the flight officer's car. Meanwhile, Scotty tries to locate Seven by bouncing signals off of a weather satellite. The flight officer drives to the gantry for final inspection and Seven sneaks out and goes up the elevator with Isis.
Nope, nothing phallic in this picture, no-siree bob.
Spock and Kirk beam down in civilian disguises but the sergeant wakes up and arrests them. In New York, Roberta is fiddling with Seven's desk and opens the hidden teleport vault. With twenty minutes left to launch, Seven starts sabotaging the rocket. The flight officers try to figure out what Kirk and Spock's equipment is, while Scotty spots Seven and starts beaming him up. However, Roberta activates the teleport controls at the same time and yanks Seven out of the transport beam and back to his New York office.
Cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon…
Kirk and Spock can only look on as the rocket launches as planned. Seven tries to take control of the rocket via his alien computer, but it's clear by now that he's up to something and Roberta tries to call the authorities. Seven severs the phone cord and locks her in, then arms the rocket's nuclear warhead and takes it off course. McKinley launch control realize something is wrong but there's nothing they can do. Scotty risks calling Kirk and the sergeant picks up the communicator. Spock renders him unconscious and Kirk signals to be beamed to Seven's apartment.
Sylvia from "Catspaw" managed to find a job as a temp pet on Earth in the 20th century.
Roberta knocks out the distracted Seven with a metal cigar box and takes his pen servo. He recovers enough to try and explain that he's on her side but she doesn't believe him. Kirk and Spock arrive but Spock is unable to master the computer controls and Roberta won't let Seven intervene. She is suspicious of Kirk as well and threatens him with the pen-servo, and Seven grabs it for her: it's accidentally set to kill. Kirk is forced to trust him and lets Seven go to the controls. Seven detonates the warhead just before it enters Earth's atmosphere. Making his report, he notes that the scare has frightened the world powers into cutting back on the arms race. Spock notes that everything went exactly as their history tapes show, while Roberta notices that Isis has briefly transformed into a woman. Seven pretends not to know what she's talking about and Isis has transformed back by the time everyone else looks. Kirk and Spock leave, but not before noting that their historical records show that Seven and Roberta have a number of interesting adventures ahead of them.
Werecat!
Where?
There!
What?
There, cat. There, couch. There, office.
The Enterprise arrive at Starbase 11 for repairs after suffering damage in an ion storm. Kirk files a report with Commodore Stone, the Portmaster, and notes that he suffered one casualty: Records Officer Lt. Cmdr. Ben Finney. Finney died when Kirk had to jettison the sensor pod he was in during a storm. Kirk claims that he gave Finney as much time as he could to get out before jettisoning the pod. However, Finney's daughter Jame comes in and accuses Kirk of killing her father. Spock escorts her out while Stone goes over the computer report and notes that it contradicts Kirk's report, and the captain should consider himself confined to base while they determine if a court martial is necessary.
Who's the black private dick That's a sex machine to all the chicks? (Shaft!) You're damn right.
Kirk discovers that the other Starfleet officers are snubbing him, already assuming the worse. After he leaves, McCoy runs into Areel Shaw, an old friend of Kirk's who is looking forward to reuniting with him.
All of my old friends are doctors. All of Kirk's are hot chicks with bouffaints. God, I'm so lonely...
Stone holds a preliminary inquiry with Kirk in private. Kirk testifies that he and Finney were friends in the academy when Finney was an instructor and Kirk was a midshipman. They later served aboard the [i[Republic together where Kirk was forced to report an error that Finney made that endangered the ship. However, Kirk had no problem with Finney serving under him. During the ion storm, Finney was at the top of the duty roster and assigned to the pod automatically. He waited until the Enterprise went into red alert and then was forced to jettison the pod due to static buildup. However, Stone says that the computer log recording shows a yellow alert at the time Kirk jettisoned the pod. Stone stops the inquiry and suggests that Kirk take a ground assignment for the good of the Fleet, rather than embarass the organization with a court martial. Kirk stands by his actions and demands a court martial to clear his name.
You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother-- (Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Shaft (Then we can dig it)
Kirk and Areel finally catch up to each other and as a lawyer in the judge advocate's office she's family with the case. She warns that the prosectuion will do whatever they can to run him out of the service, using the computer records as the centerpiece of their case. He asks her to defend him but she says she's busy and suggests a Samuel T. Cogley. Kirk agrees and when he asks how much she knows about the prosectuion's case, she admits that she'lll be the one prosecuting the case. He finds Cogley waiting for him in his quarters. Cogley disdains computers and insists on using only books, but manages to impress Kirk with his knowledge of the law.
Bilbo Baggins stops by for a visit.
The court martial is convened and Kirk pleads not guilty. Shaw calls Spock to the stand and he testifies that the computer shows no signs of error. He tries to defend his captain, claiming that the premature pod jettison is not a logical action on the captain's part, but the court is unimpressed. Shaw then calls the Enterprise personnel officer, who fills in the background on Kirk and Finney. Finnally Shaw calls Dr. McCoy as an expert on psychology, and has him testify that it's possible Kirk may have returned Finney's enmity, rseulting in his jettisoning Finney prematurely. as an act of revenge. Cogley doesn't cross-examine the witnesses, but calls the captain to the stand. Kirk testifies that he did everything he could and would do it all again. However, Shaw plays back the computer tape which undeniably shows the captain jettisoning the pod while the ship was still on yellow alert.
Friggin' 23rd century technology, and the DVD sets still cost $100 a season.
During the recess, Kirk initially wonders if he's losing it and acknowledges Spock's confirmation of the computer showing no errors. Kirk notes that he may get a more impressive chess opponent with his next captain. Spock considers the idea while Jame comes to visit Kirka nd Cogley and tries to convince Kirk to take the ground assignment. She claims that she doesn't blame Kirk for her father's death any more but Cogley wonders if there's more than that.
Hmmm, my old friend Finney from the Academy dead barely a week.
Is it too early to hit on his daughter yet?
McCoy confronts Spock, who is busy playing chess against the computer. The doctor is angry until Spock reveals that he has beaten the computer: something that should be impossible unless someone tampered with its programming. They arrive at the court just as the attorney's give their closing arguments. Spock reports his findings and Cogley asks the court to give Kirk a chance to "confront" his accuser: the computer. They reconvene aboard the Enterprise where Spock testifies that the computer has been reprogrammed and there are only three people who could do it:Kirk, Spock, and Finney. Cogley then confirms that Kirk ordered a Phase 1 Search which was unsuccessful. However, the search presumes that the person missing wants to be found. Assuming that Finney is alive, they evacuate most of the crew and meet on the bridge. They shut down the ship's engines to minimize the sound and then amplify the ship's sound sensors and electronically eliminate every remaining heart beat of those on board. Only one heart beat is left: Finney's. They pinpoint it to Engineering, and Kirk insists on dealing with the matter himself.
Nipple vibrator!
As the ship's orbit begins to decay, Kirk tries to lcoate Finney in Engineering. Realizing he's been found out, Finney taunts Kirk from the shadows before holding him at bay with a phaser. The clearly deranged officer boasts that he's shut down the engines so the ship will plummet out of orbit, and that everyone who plotted against him and held him back will die. Kirk points out that Cogley has brought Jame on board, distracting him long enough to knock the phaser out of his hand. The two fight and Kirk eventually manages to get the upper hand. Finney directs him to the sabotaged circuits to save his daughter and they return to orbit just in time as the court dismisses the charges. Shaw meets with the captain on the bridge and gives him a book as a present from Cogley, noting that the defense attorney will be taking on Finney's case. The two have a brief kiss and Kirk admits that she's a very good lawyer.
Another chick, blowing me off.
Who's the black private dick That's a sex machine to all the chicks? (Shaft!) You're damn right.
Kirk discovers that the other Starfleet officers are snubbing him, already assuming the worse. After he leaves, McCoy runs into Areel Shaw, an old friend of Kirk's who is looking forward to reuniting with him.
All of my old friends are doctors. All of Kirk's are hot chicks with bouffaints. God, I'm so lonely...
Stone holds a preliminary inquiry with Kirk in private. Kirk testifies that he and Finney were friends in the academy when Finney was an instructor and Kirk was a midshipman. They later served aboard the [i[Republic together where Kirk was forced to report an error that Finney made that endangered the ship. However, Kirk had no problem with Finney serving under him. During the ion storm, Finney was at the top of the duty roster and assigned to the pod automatically. He waited until the Enterprise went into red alert and then was forced to jettison the pod due to static buildup. However, Stone says that the computer log recording shows a yellow alert at the time Kirk jettisoned the pod. Stone stops the inquiry and suggests that Kirk take a ground assignment for the good of the Fleet, rather than embarass the organization with a court martial. Kirk stands by his actions and demands a court martial to clear his name.
You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother-- (Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Shaft (Then we can dig it)
Kirk and Areel finally catch up to each other and as a lawyer in the judge advocate's office she's family with the case. She warns that the prosectuion will do whatever they can to run him out of the service, using the computer records as the centerpiece of their case. He asks her to defend him but she says she's busy and suggests a Samuel T. Cogley. Kirk agrees and when he asks how much she knows about the prosectuion's case, she admits that she'lll be the one prosecuting the case. He finds Cogley waiting for him in his quarters. Cogley disdains computers and insists on using only books, but manages to impress Kirk with his knowledge of the law.
Bilbo Baggins stops by for a visit.
The court martial is convened and Kirk pleads not guilty. Shaw calls Spock to the stand and he testifies that the computer shows no signs of error. He tries to defend his captain, claiming that the premature pod jettison is not a logical action on the captain's part, but the court is unimpressed. Shaw then calls the Enterprise personnel officer, who fills in the background on Kirk and Finney. Finnally Shaw calls Dr. McCoy as an expert on psychology, and has him testify that it's possible Kirk may have returned Finney's enmity, rseulting in his jettisoning Finney prematurely. as an act of revenge. Cogley doesn't cross-examine the witnesses, but calls the captain to the stand. Kirk testifies that he did everything he could and would do it all again. However, Shaw plays back the computer tape which undeniably shows the captain jettisoning the pod while the ship was still on yellow alert.
Friggin' 23rd century technology, and the DVD sets still cost $100 a season.
During the recess, Kirk initially wonders if he's losing it and acknowledges Spock's confirmation of the computer showing no errors. Kirk notes that he may get a more impressive chess opponent with his next captain. Spock considers the idea while Jame comes to visit Kirka nd Cogley and tries to convince Kirk to take the ground assignment. She claims that she doesn't blame Kirk for her father's death any more but Cogley wonders if there's more than that.
Hmmm, my old friend Finney from the Academy dead barely a week.
Is it too early to hit on his daughter yet?
McCoy confronts Spock, who is busy playing chess against the computer. The doctor is angry until Spock reveals that he has beaten the computer: something that should be impossible unless someone tampered with its programming. They arrive at the court just as the attorney's give their closing arguments. Spock reports his findings and Cogley asks the court to give Kirk a chance to "confront" his accuser: the computer. They reconvene aboard the Enterprise where Spock testifies that the computer has been reprogrammed and there are only three people who could do it:Kirk, Spock, and Finney. Cogley then confirms that Kirk ordered a Phase 1 Search which was unsuccessful. However, the search presumes that the person missing wants to be found. Assuming that Finney is alive, they evacuate most of the crew and meet on the bridge. They shut down the ship's engines to minimize the sound and then amplify the ship's sound sensors and electronically eliminate every remaining heart beat of those on board. Only one heart beat is left: Finney's. They pinpoint it to Engineering, and Kirk insists on dealing with the matter himself.
Nipple vibrator!
As the ship's orbit begins to decay, Kirk tries to lcoate Finney in Engineering. Realizing he's been found out, Finney taunts Kirk from the shadows before holding him at bay with a phaser. The clearly deranged officer boasts that he's shut down the engines so the ship will plummet out of orbit, and that everyone who plotted against him and held him back will die. Kirk points out that Cogley has brought Jame on board, distracting him long enough to knock the phaser out of his hand. The two fight and Kirk eventually manages to get the upper hand. Finney directs him to the sabotaged circuits to save his daughter and they return to orbit just in time as the court dismisses the charges. Shaw meets with the captain on the bridge and gives him a book as a present from Cogley, noting that the defense attorney will be taking on Finney's case. The two have a brief kiss and Kirk admits that she's a very good lawyer.
Another chick, blowing me off.
Kirk, McCoy, and Spock go on a scouting expedition to the planet Neural, where Lt. Kirk conducted his first planetary survey 17 years ago. McCoy takes plant samples while Kirk and Spock examine the area, and spot the footprints of a mugato. Kirk says that when he was last there, the planet was a Garden of Eden with peaceful non-violent inhabitants with no advanced technology. They spot several villagers, carrying flintlocks and preparing an ambush against a group of hill people, including Kirk's friend Tyree. Kirk throws a rock, causing one of the villagers to fire off a shot and alert Tyree, then Kirk and Spock run to the rendezvous spot. Alerted by the gunshots, McCoy calls for beam up while Spock is shot and badly injured. They beam up just ahead of the villagers and McCoy gets the critically injured Spock to sickbay under the care of Dr. M'Benga, who interned on Vulcan.
Captain Kirk finds a new planet of aliens to throw his chest out at.
A Klingon ship arrives in orbit and the Enterprise avoids detection by staying on the far side of the planet. For the moment they're safe but may have to leave orbit to avoid notice. Kirk figures that the Klingons are giving guns to the villagers but the others wonder why they're not providing machine guns or lasers. Kirk goes to Sickbay and McCoy reports that they have no Vulcan replacement organs and Spock has entered a healing trance. With M'Benga in charge of Spock, Kirk takes McCoy with him to the planet in native clothing. They try to find Tyree's camp but a mugato attacks them. It injures Kirk with its poisonous bite before McCoy can kill it with a phaser. The Enterprise has moved out of orbit to avoid the Klingon ship and McCoy can't contact them. As Kirk passes out, several of the hill people arrive and McCoy tries to communicate with them.
Will this week's lame Lost in Space mystery monster, please sign in?
The hill people take Kirk and McCoy to Tyree's camp and McCoy does what little he can to temporarily stop the poison. Tyree and his wife Nona, a Kahn-ut-tu witch woman, are turning from a scouting expedition to determine what new "firesticks" the villagers are using. Tyree insists that the villagers will return to their peaceful ways but Nona insists they have to prepare for the worse. She then stupefies and seduces him using the juice of a local plant, but they're interrupted when a hill person arrives with news of Kirk. Nona goes on ahead and spots McCoy secretly using a phaser to heat rocks to keep the captain warm. When Tyree arrives she demands that he tell her everything he knows about Kirk so she can treat him.
Pretty woman kiss Mongo. Mongo like kissing. Ummm...
Later, Nona uses a mahko root and passes her blood through it and into the wound on Kirk's chest. As McCoy looks on, the root moves like a living creature and Nona manages to extract the poison and then dispel it. Kirk passes out from the strain while Nona proclaims that now he is hers as they share souls because of the healing ritual.
Kirk has had sex with so many women, he's trained himself to catnap through the experience.
Nurse Chapel is tending to Spock and holding his hand. M'Benga explains that Spock can't be woken up, but if he wakes up on his own then Chapel has to do whatever he asks.
I didn't say to hold his hand, nurse...
Later, Kirk and McCoy talk with Tyree who explains that the villagers first started getting firesticks almost a year ago, and they are manufactured at a blacksmith in the nearby village. Kirk refuses to provide the hill people with weapons, angering Nona who wonders why Tyree's friend would let her husband dies. She wants them to provide phasers like the one she saw McCoy use. Kirk tries to explain about the Prime Directive but she isn't interested. Tyree refuses to fight and would rather die, rather than take on the power of the guns, and a furious Nona storms out. They plan to go to the village that night to find evidence of Klingon involvement, but Kirk is concerned about what happens if they do confirm outside interference.
If you were into heavy metal in the 80s, you were gay. Every single video has a bunch of shirtless sweaty guys, or worst yet, a vest and no shirt. Hello!
The trio goes to the village, knock out a villager, and take his gun as evidence. Tyree stands guard while Kirk and McCoy go inside the smithy and discover evidence that the Klingons are manufacturing low-tech guns for the villagers to conceal their involvement. McCoy starts recording the evidence on his tricorder when the Klingon representative, Krell, and the village leader Apella arrive. Krell promises Apella a series of slow developmental techniques over a period of time. McCoy accidentally sets off his tricorder and he and Kirk fight their way outside, meet with Tyree, and escape with the stolen gun and the recordings.
I thought my people would grow tired of bogus black wigs and 70s porn mustaches. But you were right. It is easier than trading, and it has pleasures. I feel it myself. Like the hunt, but with richer rewards.
Aboard the Enterprise, Spock wakes up and tells Nurse Chapel to start slapping him. She reluctantly does so but Scotty comes in and, confused, stops her. M'Benga comes in and finishes slapping Spock, explaining that the pain is needed to bring Spock out of the healing trance at the proper moment. Spock is his usual cold self and Nurse Chapel notes he's back to normal.
What are you doing, woman? Have you gone daft? I had the ticket to slap him this hour.
At the hill people camp the next day, Kirk shows Tyree's people how to use the stolen flintlock. McCoy wonders if Nona is influencing him but Kirk explains that given the Klingon interference in the local culture, they have no choice but to escalate things from the other side, providing Tyree and is people with equal weaponry. If the Klingons provide more advanced technology, then they will have to as well. McCoy notes the results will be a bloody slaughter and the peaceful Tyree will be the first to die. Kirk goes to see Nona and convince Tyree through her.
Guy love, that's all it is. Guy love, he's mine, I'm his. There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.
Spock takes the conn and orders the ship back into orbit, while Kirk talks to Nona. She uses a flower to stupefy and seduce him, unaware that Tyree is watching them. He considers shooting her, or Kirk, or both, but then drops the flintlock in disgust and runs away. Kirk and Nona are interrupted when the first mugato's mate attacks them. She tries to keep ahead of it and Kirk manages to recover enough to kill it with his phaser. Nona stuns him with a rock, steals the phasers, and goes to see the villagers.
We shall dance the tango of love!
Tyree returns to the camp and McCoy says they need to find the gun. They go back and find Kirk recovering consciousness, and the phaser missing. They go after her while Nona finds a patrol and tries to convince them she has a better weapon for them. They don't recognize the box-like Type I Phaser as a weapon and prepare to rape her. She holds them off with a knife for a bit but they eventually overwhelm her. When Kirk, McCoy, and Tyree arrive the villagers think it's a trap and stab her. One of the villagers shoots McCoy in the arm and Kirk and Tyree take on the others. Most of them flee, and a furious Tyree beats in the head of the one who killed his wife. Kirk pulls him off and Tyree demands guns so that he can take revenge on the men who killed his wife and fight back against the villagers. As he leaves, Spock makes contact with Kirk and McCoy. A tired Kirk looks at what he's done and will have to do and asks Spock to beam them up.
Well, we've thoroughly corrupted the native culture, started a war where we'll be providing arms, and I got to tap a hot native priestess. My job is done: Spock, beam me up.
Captain Kirk finds a new planet of aliens to throw his chest out at.
A Klingon ship arrives in orbit and the Enterprise avoids detection by staying on the far side of the planet. For the moment they're safe but may have to leave orbit to avoid notice. Kirk figures that the Klingons are giving guns to the villagers but the others wonder why they're not providing machine guns or lasers. Kirk goes to Sickbay and McCoy reports that they have no Vulcan replacement organs and Spock has entered a healing trance. With M'Benga in charge of Spock, Kirk takes McCoy with him to the planet in native clothing. They try to find Tyree's camp but a mugato attacks them. It injures Kirk with its poisonous bite before McCoy can kill it with a phaser. The Enterprise has moved out of orbit to avoid the Klingon ship and McCoy can't contact them. As Kirk passes out, several of the hill people arrive and McCoy tries to communicate with them.
Will this week's lame Lost in Space mystery monster, please sign in?
The hill people take Kirk and McCoy to Tyree's camp and McCoy does what little he can to temporarily stop the poison. Tyree and his wife Nona, a Kahn-ut-tu witch woman, are turning from a scouting expedition to determine what new "firesticks" the villagers are using. Tyree insists that the villagers will return to their peaceful ways but Nona insists they have to prepare for the worse. She then stupefies and seduces him using the juice of a local plant, but they're interrupted when a hill person arrives with news of Kirk. Nona goes on ahead and spots McCoy secretly using a phaser to heat rocks to keep the captain warm. When Tyree arrives she demands that he tell her everything he knows about Kirk so she can treat him.
Pretty woman kiss Mongo. Mongo like kissing. Ummm...
Later, Nona uses a mahko root and passes her blood through it and into the wound on Kirk's chest. As McCoy looks on, the root moves like a living creature and Nona manages to extract the poison and then dispel it. Kirk passes out from the strain while Nona proclaims that now he is hers as they share souls because of the healing ritual.
Kirk has had sex with so many women, he's trained himself to catnap through the experience.
Nurse Chapel is tending to Spock and holding his hand. M'Benga explains that Spock can't be woken up, but if he wakes up on his own then Chapel has to do whatever he asks.
I didn't say to hold his hand, nurse...
Later, Kirk and McCoy talk with Tyree who explains that the villagers first started getting firesticks almost a year ago, and they are manufactured at a blacksmith in the nearby village. Kirk refuses to provide the hill people with weapons, angering Nona who wonders why Tyree's friend would let her husband dies. She wants them to provide phasers like the one she saw McCoy use. Kirk tries to explain about the Prime Directive but she isn't interested. Tyree refuses to fight and would rather die, rather than take on the power of the guns, and a furious Nona storms out. They plan to go to the village that night to find evidence of Klingon involvement, but Kirk is concerned about what happens if they do confirm outside interference.
If you were into heavy metal in the 80s, you were gay. Every single video has a bunch of shirtless sweaty guys, or worst yet, a vest and no shirt. Hello!
The trio goes to the village, knock out a villager, and take his gun as evidence. Tyree stands guard while Kirk and McCoy go inside the smithy and discover evidence that the Klingons are manufacturing low-tech guns for the villagers to conceal their involvement. McCoy starts recording the evidence on his tricorder when the Klingon representative, Krell, and the village leader Apella arrive. Krell promises Apella a series of slow developmental techniques over a period of time. McCoy accidentally sets off his tricorder and he and Kirk fight their way outside, meet with Tyree, and escape with the stolen gun and the recordings.
I thought my people would grow tired of bogus black wigs and 70s porn mustaches. But you were right. It is easier than trading, and it has pleasures. I feel it myself. Like the hunt, but with richer rewards.
Aboard the Enterprise, Spock wakes up and tells Nurse Chapel to start slapping him. She reluctantly does so but Scotty comes in and, confused, stops her. M'Benga comes in and finishes slapping Spock, explaining that the pain is needed to bring Spock out of the healing trance at the proper moment. Spock is his usual cold self and Nurse Chapel notes he's back to normal.
What are you doing, woman? Have you gone daft? I had the ticket to slap him this hour.
At the hill people camp the next day, Kirk shows Tyree's people how to use the stolen flintlock. McCoy wonders if Nona is influencing him but Kirk explains that given the Klingon interference in the local culture, they have no choice but to escalate things from the other side, providing Tyree and is people with equal weaponry. If the Klingons provide more advanced technology, then they will have to as well. McCoy notes the results will be a bloody slaughter and the peaceful Tyree will be the first to die. Kirk goes to see Nona and convince Tyree through her.
Guy love, that's all it is. Guy love, he's mine, I'm his. There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.
Spock takes the conn and orders the ship back into orbit, while Kirk talks to Nona. She uses a flower to stupefy and seduce him, unaware that Tyree is watching them. He considers shooting her, or Kirk, or both, but then drops the flintlock in disgust and runs away. Kirk and Nona are interrupted when the first mugato's mate attacks them. She tries to keep ahead of it and Kirk manages to recover enough to kill it with his phaser. Nona stuns him with a rock, steals the phasers, and goes to see the villagers.
We shall dance the tango of love!
Tyree returns to the camp and McCoy says they need to find the gun. They go back and find Kirk recovering consciousness, and the phaser missing. They go after her while Nona finds a patrol and tries to convince them she has a better weapon for them. They don't recognize the box-like Type I Phaser as a weapon and prepare to rape her. She holds them off with a knife for a bit but they eventually overwhelm her. When Kirk, McCoy, and Tyree arrive the villagers think it's a trap and stab her. One of the villagers shoots McCoy in the arm and Kirk and Tyree take on the others. Most of them flee, and a furious Tyree beats in the head of the one who killed his wife. Kirk pulls him off and Tyree demands guns so that he can take revenge on the men who killed his wife and fight back against the villagers. As he leaves, Spock makes contact with Kirk and McCoy. A tired Kirk looks at what he's done and will have to do and asks Spock to beam them up.
Well, we've thoroughly corrupted the native culture, started a war where we'll be providing arms, and I got to tap a hot native priestess. My job is done: Spock, beam me up.
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