Dean and Sam go to Pennsylvania to investigate reports of a murder apparently committed by a vampire. Sam is distracted by the recent series of prophecies and involvement of angels, but Dean assures him it's time they get back to good old black-and-white monster hunting. The town is celebrating Oktoberfest and the brothers meet with Sheriff Dietrich, claiming to be FBI agents. He shows them the murder victim at the morgue, and she has bite marks on her neck. They then go to the local tavern to talk to the one witness, Ed Brewer. The brothers run into Jamie, the bartender, who Dean flirts with a bit. They then find Ed, who describes the killer as an exact match for Dracula down to the cape, the medallion, and the Eastern European accent.
Dean and Sam go back to the bar in the tavern and talk to Jamie and her co-worker, Lucy, who daubs off her lipstick on a napkin. Dean figures they just have a human wannabe vampire on their hands and figures they can head out the next day. He hits on Jamie who turns him down, and Sam heads back for the hotel.
At a nearby Lovers' Lane, Rick Deacon is making out with his girlfriend Anne Marie when a huge humanoid wolf pulls him out of the car and rips him apart.
After getting word of the new murder, Dean and Sam talk to Anne Marie and she describes the killer as a typical movie werewolf: nothing like the "real" werewolves that the Winchesters have fought. They examine Rick's body but discover that the killer didn't remove the heart, and left wolf hairs. Both indicate that the killer wasn't a "real" werewolf. Back at the tavern, they go over the case and Dean gets a date with Jamie for later that night.
At the local museum, a guard has found an Egyptian sarcophagus on the loading dock. As he calls to track down the shipment, a mummy emerges from the steaming sarcophagus and strangles the man to death. Later, the brothers are called to the crime scene and discover that the sarcophagus is a fake from a prop house and the "steam" is from a container of dry ice. Convinced they're looking for a fake, Dean lets Sam check it out while he goes out with Jamie.
Jamie is walking home when a figure comes after her: Dracula in all his glory. He corners her in an alley and calls her "Mina," and she blinds him with pepper spray and runs down the street to find Dean. Dracula says that Dean is Jonathan Harker and tries to kill him. In the struggle, Dean yanks off first the medallion and then one of Dracula's ears. Dracula runs away and climbs over a locked gate. By the time Dean can climb over, he sees Dracula making his escape... on a motor scooter.
Dean returns to the tavern with Jamie and shows Sam what he grabbed: the medallion (with a prop house name on it), and the ear, which is made of a shapeshifter's skin. Sam figures the shapeshifter is obsessed with horror movies and believes Dean and Sam are Jonathan and Mina Harker. The shapeshifter is clearly fixated on Jamie and they figure it's someone she knows. The only person she suspects is Ed, who moved into town a month ago and whom Lucy said has a crush on her. Sam goes to check out Ed at the movie theater where he works, while Dean explains to Jamie about how they hunt monsters. She wonders how he stands all the darkness his job involves. He says that since his "near-death experience" he's learned to take it as a heroic calling. She wonders if his job involves celibacy and he assures her it doesn't. They kiss, and Lucy comes in to get a bottle. She wishes them well and pleads a prior engagement, but Jamie (and a reluctant Dean) asks her to stay for a drink.
Sam enters the theater and follows the sounds of someone playing a pipe organ. He finds Ed, looking totally normal, playing. Sam yanks on Ed's ear... and it stays attached. Ed is human.
Lucy is dabbing her lipstick on a napkin and chatting with Jamie and Dean as they share drinks. Jamie passes out and Dean starts to stagger. He punches Lucy, knocking "her" face askew. He tries to hold her off but collapses from the drugged drinks, and Lucy kicks him unconscious.
Dean wakes up clad in lederhosen and strapped to a table inside of a fake laboratory. The shapeshifter is there in his Dracula form, and tells Dean that he took the form of Lucy from a black-and-white horror actress. He insists he's Dracula and that he rather real life be like movies. He prepares to electrocute Dean, but the pizza delivery guy arrives and Dracula has to deal with him. Meanwhile, Sam returns to the tavern, sees signs of a struggle, and sees the napkin with Lucy's trademark lipstick on it, and realizes she's involved.
Dracula takes the pizza to where Jamie is, and he offers her dinner. He still believes she's Mina but apologizes for scaring her. He explains that everyone always considered him a father from the time he discovered he was a shapeshifter, including the father who beat him. He decided to emulate the unstoppable movie monsters that always came back so that he could share their strength. When Sam breaks in downstairs, Jamie hears him and yells, and Dracula knocks her out.
Sam, armed with a gun with silver bullets to stop shapeshifters, finds Dean and frees him, then breaks through the fake door of the lab. Dracula attacks and knocks them down. Dean tries to get to the gun... and Jamie picks it up and shoots the shapeshifter. Dying, he falls into a chair and says that perhaps this is how monster movies should end.
A day or two later, Dean and Sam prepare to leave and Jamie wishes them well and gives Dean a goodbye kiss. Sam admits it's good to be back to "normal" monster hunting without the apocalyptic angst. Dean admits the idea of life being like movies is appealing... and Sam accurately figures the movie Den wants to emulate is Porky's 2
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