Gomez is performing his Latin Hour for Morticia and Fester when Wednesday and Pugsley come in. They refuse to talk about school until Morticia persists, and then explain that the principal scolded them for showing the kids how to shoot dynamite caps at recess and one of them blew up the teeter-totter. The principal threatened to expel them if they did it again. Once the children leave, Morticia worries that the principal is depriving their children of normal self-expression. She suggests that they transfer the children to a private school and that they contact Sam Hilliard, the former truant officer. He’s now running a private school named Mockridge Hall, and Gomez calls him...Read the full recap
Morticia: Ah, hello, darlings. You just missed your father's Latin Hour. How was school today?
Gomez: Back to reality, eh, children, from a world of fantasy.
Fester: Recess? If I remember correctly, I flunked that three times. Tough.
Pugsley: We were just showing the kids how to shoot dynamite caps.
Gomez: Ah, seems harmless enough. At least they weren't frittering away their time with marbles.
Gomez: As old Erasmus Addams once said, you got to take the bull by the teeth. Teeth?
Gomez: Hilliard, old bean, you just sorta dropped out of sight.
Sam Hilliard: Yeah, I certainly tried.
Gomez: You're the only truant officer our children ever missed.
Gomez: You do remember our remarkable offspring?
Sam Hilliard: Pugsley and Wednesday. Names that haunt even my happiest hours.
Morticia: Mr. Hilliard, what a lovely compliment.
Gomez: I would estimate a five-knot breeze from the direction of, uh, the glue factory.
Fester: Glue factory? That's dinner.
Gomez: The chancellor of Addams Hall has little time for creature comforts, my dear. Remember: tempus fungus.
Gomez: That too.
Morticia: Ah, Mr. Hilliard, how nice of you to drop by.
Sam Hilliard: Drop by? I was brutally kidnapped by that one-man goon squad.
Gomez: Same old Hilliard, he can charm the birds out of the trees.
Morticia: Gomez, how touching, darling. You wanted to buy me Harvard for my birthday.
Gomez: Well, come to think of it, it is rather a silly gift for a beautiful woman. I should get you Vassar.