Huey Freeman: Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9/11. Thank you and goodnight.
Woman: This can't be!
Huey: You can force me to go to the party, but you can't force me to be someone I'm not!
Granddad: The hell I can't! You gonna go, and you not gonna embarrass me in front of my rich neighbors, or I'm gonna beat your ass!
Huey: I hate this place, but I don't want Granddad to lose his house.
Riley: Oh well. I shot a nigga!
Granddad: Y'all need to start appreciating your Grandaddy! I went and spent your inheritance on this beautiful house in this neighborhood! And all I ask you to do is act like you got some class...
Riley: Ay, what's "class"?
Huey: It means don't act like niggas.
Granddad: See! That's what I'm talking about right there! We don't use the n-word in this house!
Huey: Granddad, you said the word "nigga" 46 times yesterday. I counted.
Granddad: Nigga, hush!
Young Granddad: Damn. What's eating you?
Activist: A goddamn German Shepard. That's what's eating me! Where was you?
Young Granddad: I went back to the apartment to get a raincoat.
Activist: This nigga went to get a mother f**king raincoat.
Young Granddad: We all been watchin' the same news. I just assumed we'd all wear our raincoat.
Activist: Dammit, Robert. Who the hell shows up to a march with a mutha f*ckin' raincoat?
Young Granddad: Bet you wish you had your raincoat right now.
Activist: You son of a--
Granddad: So I understand you just got back from Iraq?
Riley: Fo' real? Yo, what was it like?
Ed III: What was it like? What I'm 'possed to say to that. It was cool? There was bitches? Okay, there was bitches, but a lot of them was covered up in them curtains and sh*t. But I digress. It was war. It was war basically. It was war. You know what that's like? Mu' f*cka, its like shootin' ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka! Bombs blowin' up. And you know that sh*t scary. It scared the sh*t out of me. Matta fact, I sh*tted on myself over a dozen times, and ran out of toilet paper after the second time. So you know what that meant, right? I had to use the thumb. It was kinda nasty. But the good thing was that they stopped taking me out on missions because my name became "Stink-Bomb." You know, they said I was giving away our position 'cause of the sh*t smell. That was fine with me. Th-they wanted to leave me back, and I was like f*ck ya'll! I don't need ya'll anyway! I'm rich, bitch! 'The f*ck ya'll lookin' at?!
Ed Wuncler: Look at the look on that guy's face. Looks like he jacks-off with Icy-Hot!
(Granddad and Ed Wuncler laugh)
Uncle Ruckus: Hello, this is Uncle Ruckus, no relation. I'd like to sing ya'll a song I just wrote called "Don't Let Them New Niggas Over There." Sing along if you know the words.
White Woman: (whispering) I think the n-word is okay as long as they say it.
(begins clapping, then the rest of the crowd joins her)
Ed Wuncler: In thirty years, my grandson will be the president of the United States. . .and he'll still be a f*ckin' idiot.
Riley: I know about white people, too. When they talk, they say the whooollleeeee wooooorrrdddd, lllliiikkkkee thisss.
Ed Wuncler III is a spoof of President Bush being young, rich, and getting back from war. His grandfather even says he'll be president some day.
Ed III: I'm rich, bitch!
This is reference to The Chappelle Show, in which Dave Chappelle plays Rick James, and says that very line, and Charlie Murphy, the voice of Ed III, plays himself in a re-enactment of Charlie's experience with Rick James.
Say hello to my little friend!
This is a famous line from the movie Scarface