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The Colbert Report: Lesley Stahl
Tonight's segments include: The Word Bacchanalia, about a Catholic school who controversially canceled their prom due to financial decadence; In another segment All You Need To Know, Stephen rattles off about illegal aliens, Nintendo at McDonalds, Denmark's newborn Prince, and Powerball Lotto. Stephen interviews Lesley Stahl, an award winning journalist for 60 Minutes and Face The Nation. Then Stephen begins the 1st of a 435-part series Better Know A District starting with Georgia's 1st District, including interviewing Rep. Jack Kingston.
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Episode Info
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Episode number: 1x2 Production Number: 102 Airdate: Tuesday October 18th, 2005 Director: Jim Hoskinson
Writer: Stephen Colbert, Michael Brumm, Rob Dubbin, Jay Katsir, Laura Krafft, Peter Gwinn (1), Eric Drysdale, Frank Lesser |
Episode Notes
The first episode featuring the "What You Need to Know" and "Better Know a District" segments.
Episode Quotes
Stephen Colbert: Tonight, million dollar proms; Are we short changing our children? Plus, meet the newborn Danish Prince 18 years before he snorts coke from a model's navel. And apes are using tools, why can't you build that IKEA chair? Finally, I'll give 60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl the 6 minutes she's always dreamed about. Put some pants on America, the truth is knocking at the door. Here comes the Colbert Report.
Stephen Colbert: What were the Pyramids or the Taj Mahal after all, but rich people playing Pimp My Afterlife.
Stephen Colbert: (to Rep. Jack Kingston) You said you joined a fraternity to meet girls?
Jack Kingston: (cautiously nods his head in agreement)
Stephen Colbert: There are no ... girls in fraternities, for the record Congressman. Whoever that was in the dress ... I hate to be the one to break it to you, here on television ... that was a dude.
Jack Kingston: (cautiously nods his head in agreement)
Stephen Colbert: There are no ... girls in fraternities, for the record Congressman. Whoever that was in the dress ... I hate to be the one to break it to you, here on television ... that was a dude.
Stephen Colbert: ABC just announced that they are yanking Ted Koppel as the host of Nightline, and replacing him for three anchors. Well, you know what ABC, you're overreacting. The Colbert Report has only been on for one day!
Stephen Colbert: It seems that a Catholic school in Long Island, Kellberg Memorial High, named in the memory of Saint Kellenberg, patron saint of buzzkills apparently.
Stephen Colbert: America has a deal with the rich. We cut their taxes, and in return they inspire us with their gloriously macked-out cribs, golden toilets, and young, taut trophy wives.
Stephen Colbert:(After reading a fax by James Brady) Oh, it's Jimmy. It's on! I'll tell you what, let's meet at dawn. Pistols, 20 paces... Oh wait, you don't have a gun. Well, guess what James Brady, that's a forfeit! I win! Oh, and Mr. Brady, faxing threats is cowards. Real men use E-mail.
Cultural References
Stephen Colbert's reference to IKEA chairs in his opening segment, refers to the Scandinavian company IKEA who manufactures very inexpensive and simple yet functional furniture.
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