Jazz: Don't try to comfort me, Will. I'm un-... comfortable.
Will: Jazz, man, don't you have some relatives or something? Why me?
Jazz: You got a good heart. You are a lot of smarts and tall, and got good teeth.
Jewel: Of course, we'll be praying he gets my ears.
Will: Carlton, relax; I'll get you some new Barney sheets.
Barney is a large purple dinosaur that stars in a children's television show called Barney & Friends. The show debuted on PBS in 1992. In spite of being criticized as being excessively sappy and optimistic, it still is one of the most popular young children's television shows, creating a huge franchise around its star.
Will: Kinda like Johnny Appleseed without the apples, huh?
Johnny Appleseed, nee John Chapman, was an American pioneer and Christian missionary. He got his nickname because he planted apple trees in large parts of Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. He was born in Leominster, Massachusetts, and became an American legend while he was still alive, being portrayed in works of art and literature. He is considered an early conservationist, what would be called today an ecologist. Will tells this to Mr. Considine because he donates his "seed" (sperm) without keeping the "apples."