The D.A.'s daughter wants to ride along with a couple of cops so she can write a feature for her school newspaper, and McNeil and Pip are the lucky cops. McNeil treats the whole thing as a joke until they lose her in the city. Frank pretends to be a priest to catch a thief. Jan and the guys try to assist a "hot nun," but she turns out to be a little TOO hot.
Frank is obsessed with a new soup place, and can't get enough of the soup, until he learns what may be in it. McNeil, Jan, and Pip are trying to find a missing ballerina, and it seems her disappearance may be linked to the soup. Ruben meets a suspect in Central Park, who he thinks he could be a mystical Indian chief with spiritual powers.
Tommy "borrows" a telescope from a crime scene, and the guys use it to spy on a woman doing topless yoga in her apartment. They decide that they can't quite see enough of her, though. Jan is feeling lonely these days, so she takes a shot at "speed dating," and meets someone she thinks might be special. Frank plays a game with another precinct involving a dead body.
McNeil discovers that Ruben is working as a security guard for actress Gina Gershon, and wants a piece of that action. Frank decides he needs to be in on this little opportunity also, so he and the rest of the guys take personal security jobs with other clients. Pip is in trouble when Adina finds a phone number in his pants pocket, and she worries that he is being unfaithful. Jan learns that Al has a naughty little secret.
Songs: The Weather Girls -- It's Raining Men
McNeil worries that his girlfriend is fooling around with her boss, completely ignoring the fact that he's fooling around on his wife. Frank and Tommy borrow money from the evidence room at work to make bets at the racetrack. Jan and Ruben finds their friendship suffers when they both want the same apartment, even though the previous owner was murdered inside.
To prove to Karen that he doesn't actually have a drinking problem, McNeil swears to her that he'll quit drinking. While he doesn't buy any booze, he does start downing record amounts of cough syrup and taking some erectile dysfunction medications. Meanwhile, the gang is supposed to bust a group of weed users, but when they actually see the people involved and learn why the group is smoking pot, they no longer want to bust them.
Toni gets McNeil to meet her parents for dinner by threatening to tell his wife about their relationship. Jan meets a man she thinks is perfect in every way, until she looks in his closet. Tommy lusts after a female suspect with a tendency toward violence.
It's Pip and Adina's 25th wedding anniversary, and they throw a barbecue to celebrate. McNeil brings Karen but Toni wants to go too, so his affair is in danger of being revealed. Adina insists on a "proper" barbecue with no alcohol, smoking, or carousing, but with the precinct guys there it's unlikely Adina will have the kind of event she wants. Al opens a bar in the back, Tommy's violent girlfriend picks a fight with the next door neighbor, and McNeil spends the whole party trying to keep his women separated.
Songs: The Wiseguys -- Start the Commotion
Toni informs McNeil that she's going to tell his wife about their affair, and sees something interesting when she goes to McNeil's house. Frank is taken to the hospital because he thinks he is having a heart attack. The detectives suspect a kindly old man of killing his own wife.
McNeil thinks his good-looking neighbor, Ron, is hitting on Karen, so he sends Ruben and Al to spy on them while he investigates some dead pigeons. Tommy and Frank try to find a missing dog that belongs to Robert DeNiro.
While on an evening out with Toni, McNeil sees Frank coming out of a gay club with another man. He tells the rest of the precinct, so in their paranoia, they try to "out" Frank, and each other. Jan and Pip buy a couple of scales from a shady store clerk, but the scales are weighing everyone too heavy - for a good reason.
McNeil gets caught pretending to be a firefighter during a drug bust, so his boss sends him to Miami on forced vacation to get him out of town. He should be relaxing and enjoying the pool with Toni, but first he gets a horrible sunburn, and then he thinks one of the hotel guests is a fugitive he's been trying to catch.
Tommy thinks he's got a stalker, but the guy is actually following Frank - and he turns out to be Frank's long lost son. Pip and McNeil's police car is stolen, and McNeil tries to console Jan when she finds out she has a lump in her breast.