Craig: I used to have a pierced ear, do you see that? And I had to take the ear ring out because uhhh...I'm a whore for CBS.
Craig: ...so if you're watching this show and you haven't filed your return that's two huge mistakes you've made today.
Craig: (talking about the tax code) President Obama said today his goal was to simplify things. He wants to make it so simple Joe Biden can understand it.
Craig: I will admit that I lied on my tax return this year...I listed my occupation as Entertainer.
Craig: I'm not kidding. Today thousands of Republicans who oppose gay marriage got together in public parks for a little tea bagging.