Craig: Today was free ice cream cone day at Ben and Jerry's. It was so hot today in L.A. that they let me have two cones. And I wore them as a bra.
Craig: And another magazine has Barack Obama appearing shirtless in it this month. I think most American's will identify with him. Most have lost their shirts.
Craig: But is it appropriate? A shirtless picture of the President? I don't know but I think I speak for everyone when I say, thank god Hillary Clinton didn't win.
Craig: (banging on the side of the camera) WAKE UP I'VE GOT NEWS!!!
Craig: The 2009 Pulitzer Prize winners have just been announced. That's an award that's given out for great achievements in Journalism and literature and music and I am very pleased and honored to announce that this show won nothing. Diddly squat.
Craig: It's true Newspapers are gonna be extinct soon. They're going the way of the dodo bird or parachute pants or Lindsay Lohan's lesbianism.
Craig: (talking about Cable News) I watched Hardball the other night and it was not what I expected.
Craig: (as Michael Caine's in the Animal Kingdom segment) If you keep a goldfish in a dark room it will eventually turn white. I reckon that's what happened to Michael Jackson.