Craig: (talking about warm-up comedian Chunky B) It was pointed out to me by a friend of mine, well not really a friend, he's the warm up comedian...
Craig: (talking his people discussing religion) I say this happened thousands of years ago. Oh yeah? Well I say this happened thousands of years ago. Right? Fight to the death then.
Craig: Did you see the finale of America's Next Top Model? It was fantastic. It was great I love watching all the tall, lanky beauties strutting up and down. Then I looked away from the mirror and turned on the TV.
Craig: It's the Scottish Conan Guy with extra gay.
Craig: (talking about Carrie Prejean) She turned 22 today but her boobies are only six months old.
Craig: (talking about the Poetry slam at the White House) You know what a poetry slam is? Poets stand up and read there poems, they try to out do each other and things can get out of control. Apparently one person got up on stage rambled on and on, didn't make any sense and then when Joe Biden was done they had the poetry slam.
Craig: Shall I compare thee to a kick in the nuts?
Craig: I've actually been to a Poetry slam. I went to a poetry slam in Del Ray Beach in Florida. I ended up in this coffee house on lesbian poetry night. It was awesome. No, I'm not kidding, I think I might be lesbian.