Craig: You know I like it better when we have puppets.
Craig: (to the viewers) You look naughty tonight...do you need to be punished?
Craig: It actually is a great day for America today, because today is Donald Duck day. Yes, I know, I didn't know it was a real day either. It is a real day, I don't know who started but I'm guessing Disney were involved but I don't know. I celebrated Donald Duck day by walking around the office wearing no pants. I kinda do that most days, do you know why? Cause the interns need to learn that life is hard.
Craig: If you're gonna send a Vice President to negiotaiate with a mad man why not send Joe Biden?
Craig: You see North Korea and South Korea are seperate countries, the south is nice the north is evil. It's like the Dakota's. South Dakota nice, North Dakota evil, everybody's knows that. North Dakota is ruled by psychotic dictator, Governor John Hoeven. Now I only say that, it's not true, but his sister Cathy works on this show so if I say that she'll be all mad.