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Tonight's monologue brings the news of Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton's elbow injury. Craig then relays his own experiences with broken bones (collar bone and three ribs). Later, SANDRA BULLOCK, from the new movie, The Proposal, stops by. Also, rockers METRIC performs a song from their album, Fantasies. Comedian DAVID FELDMAN performs.
Metric's album, Fantasies, released on April 14,2009
The Proposal (which also stars Betty White and Ryan Reynolds) released on June 19th, 2009
Craig: (talking about the Indian operators pretending to be American's) When was New Dehli apart of America?
Craig: Now not such a great day for Hillary Clinton, she fell down yesterday and broke her elbow. Now she'll be fine. But this is the worst break involving a Secretary of State since Madeline Albright broke my heart.
Craig: Now the official story is that she fell while walking to a car in the parking lot of the State Department. But Hillary likes to exaggerate so she's telling people it was sniper fire.
Craig: Now you know that Fox News is gonna be all over this (pretending to be one of the Fox "Newscasters") This just proves that the Democrats are weak. Raegan fell over 10 times and he didn't even break his hair.
Craig: Now there seems to be a rash of this going around lately. Hillary broke her elbow yesterday, the Surpreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor broke her ankle last week. These things come in threes, you know this. That means somebody in Goverment is gonna break something soon, perhaps it might be President Obama breaking an important campaign promise that HE MADE EARLIER IN THE YEAR. I'm kidding Mr. President, you don't ask, I won't tell. I think you know what I mean.
Craig: Actually my heart goes out to Hillary Clinton on this. Breaking bones is very painful. I broke my collar bone once and three ribs. Collar bone and three ribs at the same time. I won't say how I did it, let's say that Fabio is a little bit stronger than I thought. He couldn't believe I wasn't butter. I was by the time he was finished with me.
Craig: Sneezing with broken ribs is more painful than peeing on an electric fence with herpes.