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Craig covers another goofy vote by the Los Angeles City Council tonight in the monologue. It seems they voted on making this week, "No Swearing Week In L.A." Later, the nights first guest is former Sex and The City star, KRISTEN DAVIS. And then, Craig welcomes back one of his favorite guests, World Famous Chef, WOLFGANG PUCK, for a lesson in making pizza.
Craig: (to the crowd over the opening applause) That's enough, you'll get your money, sit down.
Craig: The stock market is fluctuating wildly. I haven't seen this much bouncing up and down since Clinton was in the White House.
Craig: Doesn't the L.A. board have something better to do? Let's see unemployment is at ten percent in Los Angeles, the gang problem is out of control, the air is unbreathable, so let's get rid of the swear words. It's all the cussing that's causing the problems.
Craig: Thirty years ago the late great Goerge Carlin, who is sadly missed, he did a whole routine about seven words you can't say on TV. It was very funny. But it doesn't apply at CBS. At CBS the seven words you can't say are: Let's Give Craig Ferguson A Decent Salary.
Craig: Do you know the whole concept of a swear word is strange to me. I mean you create words that are naughty to say and then you don't let yourself say them, it's pointless.
Craig: I don't like when a lady swears, unless that lady is spanking me at the same time.