Diseases submitted by the staff:
Ebola
Mad Cow Disease
Spontaneous Dentohydroplosion
Leprosy
Hotdog Fingers
Government Created Killer Nano-Robot Infection
Count Choculitis
Inverted Penis
Anal Fissures

Dwight: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin: That's a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: (Quietly) Someone has it.

Jan: (On phone) Dwight, listen to me very carefully: you are not a manager of anything. Understand?
Dwight: That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking a health care plan.
Jan: Really? Okay, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately.
Dwight: Call you immediately, good. Hey listen, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fire Jim?
Jan: No. And don't call me on my cell phone again.
Dwight: Oh this is your cell phone? I thought-- (Jan hangs up)

Jim: Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... did you see it?
Pam: No, I have a life.
Jim: Interesting, what's that like?
Pam: You should try it some time.
Jim: I should. But then who would watch my TV?

Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

Michael: Pamalama ding dong, making copies.

Michael is imitating an old Saturday Night Live character who was named Richard, played by Rob Schneider. He would expand on people's names with gibberish and follow it by saying "making copies."

Michael: I learned improv from the greats. Like Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles.

Michael is referring to the show Whose Line Is It Anyway? Drew Carey was the host, and Ryan Stiles was one of the performers on the show.