Michael: Nobody should have to go to work thinking, 'Oh this is the place that I might die today.' That's what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true.
Michael: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.
Pam: We don't normally download films illegally, because we're honest, hard-working people.
Jim: And we don't know how.
Pam: But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him.
Jim: Punishment fits the crime.
Dwight: I just want to say for the record, I did not kill anyone. Stanley was attacked by his own heart. And he should be released from the hospital and back in the office in a couple days.
Michael: Okay... I think that thing is on the fritz. Ah, Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what HE said! Right guys, 'cause of gay?
Andy: I am not insightful enough to be a movie critic. Hmm... maybe I could be a food critic. These muffins taste bad. Hmm, or an art critic. That painting is bad.
Michael: Boom! Roasted!
Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Stayin' Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
"Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees
was from the Saturday Night Fever
soundtrack, and was released as a single in 1977.
First I was afraid, I was petrified...
Michael sings the tune and lyrics to the song, "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
No, I am talking about a roast! Of Michael Scott! Oh, come on! Who here has the Comedy Central Roast channel?
Michael is referring to the series, Comedy Central Roast
that airs on Comedy Central.
If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott, here's a quiz to help. If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott.
Angela is doing a parody of Jeff Foxworthy
's comedy routine, "You Might be a Redneck."
I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott: a turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort.
Lord Voldemort is the villain from the Harry Potter
series of novels, written by J.K. Rowling
Andy: (singing and accompanying himself on his guitar)
What I hate about you, you really suck as a boss... You're the laziest, jerkiest, and you're dumber than applesauce... We're stuck listening to you all day... Stanley tried to die just to get away, heeey, well it's true... That's what I hate about you.... That's what I hate about you. Yeah...
Andy is singing a parody of the song, "What I Like About You," by the band, The Romantics
. It was a radio hit in 1979.
Jim, you're 6'11" and you weigh ninety pounds... Gumby has a better body than you.
Gumby is a green-colored animated creature made out of clay. He was featured in stop-motion animation on the show, The Gumby Show
, which aired in 1957-1958.
Michael? You ran over me with your car.
Michael hit Meredith with his car in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, during the Season Four premiere episode, "Fun Run
Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted!
Pam actually did flunk out of art school in episode 5x07, "Business Trip
Darryl: (to Michael)
Roy left years ago.
Roy left Dunder Mifflin Scranton after he attacked Jim, in episode 3x18, "The Negotiation