Unofficial title: Appraisals

Tim: Gareth, what-- Are you building up your wrists?
Gareth: Yes.
Tim: When is the Charity Wankerthon?
Gareth: I don't know but you'd win it.

David: Today I'm doing our staff appraisals, um, and some people get a little bit nervous about that 'cause they think they're, you know, walking the long mile to put their head on the block., which is wrong. Um, they fill out a form, er, in advance and they don't only sort of list their strengths and weaknesses, um, but also mine as a boss. You know, so it's a chance for them to tell me where we're going wrong, and we can-- You know, it's very much an opportunity, er--
Gareth: To separate the wheat from the chaff.
David: No, that sounds bad. It's not a witch-hunt, we're not trying to find out who the worst people are.
Gareth: Hmm, we know who they are already.
David: Well, no.
Gareth: I've written them on my form.
David: You shouldn't have written them on your form
Gareth: I've underlined the worst ones.
David: You're missing the point.
(looks at Gareth's form)
David: Yeah.

David: Trust people and they'll be true to you. Treat them greatly, and they will show themselves to be great.

David: If we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
Tim: Yep. Very nice. You're quite a philosopher.
David: It's just that I think ou-- our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising when we fall.
Tim: Are you reading those?
David: Am I what?
Tim: Reading the quotes? (reads the paper on David's desk) Confucius. Bernard Shaw...
David: It doesn't matter how said them first, I'm passing on my wisdom to you. And don't tell those I've been reading these.

David: (to Dawn) Keep the dream alive, because, you know, otherwise one day you'll "Oh! Could I have made it?" You know? If you keep trying, at least then when it doesn't happen, you know, you can go, "At least I gave it a go".

Gareth: I can read women. You've got to know their wants and their needs. And that can be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.

Gareth: Just know that if you don't go all the way with Tim, I will still be interested. All right?
Rachel: Thanks. That's er, it's good to know I have someone to fall back on. What if I do go all the way with Tim but I want a little bit more with you?
Gareth: I don't usually do sloppy seconds, but I judge everything on its individual merit, so we'll cross that river when we come to it.
Rachel: Thanks. That's- that's good to know.

Gareth: (to Rachel) If you do go all the way with Tim and you expect me to (points to her crotch) go in there afterwards, make sure he wears a condom. Alright? It's sort of a rule.

(David reads Dawn his poem)
David: This one's called 'Excalibur'. "I froze your tears, and made a dagger / and stabbed it in my cock, forever / it stays there like Excalibur / Are you my Arthur? Say you are."
Dawn: Good...
David: "Take this cool dark steeled blade / steal it, sheathe it in your lake / I'd drown with you to be together / Must you breath? 'Cause I need heaven."
Dawn: Ahhhh... it's- it's powerful.
David: Very. And double meanings - did you get the double meanings?
Dawn: I did.

David: Did you see that film last night? Denzel Washington.

Denzel Washington is probably the second most popular African American actor in Hollywood. He won the Oscar for Best Actor in 2002, which made his the second African American actor to win an Academy Award for leading actor.

David: My favourite actor of all time is Mr. Sidney Poitier.

Sidney Poitier is the most famous African-American actor, who in 1963 won the Academy Award for Best Actor making him the first African-American actor to win this award.

David: Tim Canterbury. A good man. The Canterbury Tales.

The Canterbury Tales is a collection of stories written by Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century. The first tales are The Knight's Tale, The Miller's Prologue and Tale, The Reeve's Prologue and Tale. The collection does not feature anything written by Shakespeare, despite what David said.

David: Confucius. Bernard Shaw...

Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) was a famous Chinese philosopher. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) was an Irish playwright and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1925.

David: And their eldest is like that Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.

Rain Man is a 1988 movie that tells the story of a yuppie (Tom Cruise) who discovers that his father has left all of his estate to the autistic brother (Dustin Hoffman) he never knew he had.

David: Kermit...?

Kermit the Frog is one of puppeteer Jim Henson's most famous creations. He had his break in 1971, with frequent appearances on Sesame Street as a news reporter. In The Muppet Show television series, he was stage manager of the fictional theatre show. He also was the love interest of Miss Piggy.

Dawn: Do you do Gonzo?

Gonzo (aka The Great Gonzo) is yet another puppet character created by Jim Henson. He is blue and has a long hooked nose.

David: This one's called "Excalibur." "I froze your tears, and made a dagger / and stabbed it in my cock, forever / it stays there like Excalibur / Are you my Arthur? Say you are."

Excalibur is the mythical sword of the legendary King Arthur, who, according to legend, was the only one able to draw it from the stone. The true Excalibur was given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake, to whom it returned when he died.