The Ned Zone – Ned Flanders gets hit on the head by a bowling ball and falls in a coma. When he wakes up, he gains the power to predict people's dooms.
Four Beheadings with a Funeral – Lisa and Bart investigate the murders of Victorian-era England's most prolific prostitutes.
In the Belly of the Boss – The Simpsons go on a "fantastic voyage" through Mr. Burns's body to rescue Maggie after Maggie gets shrunk down into a pill and ingested by Burns.
Marge resorts to cheating to get revenge during a baking contest after other contestants used similar dirty methods against her food entry. Meanwhile, Homer finds his old issues of Playdude in the walls, which Bart finds and uses as a guide on how to live the bachelor life.
Feeling unappreciated by her own children, Marge takes in Nelson as her surrogate child. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes self-conscious of her weight after the girls in school make fun of her butt and purposely starves herself in order to be skinny.
Marge bumps into an old high-school acquaintance who is now a successful news reporter. While Marge becomes jealous of her friend's success and wonders what may have been had she not stayed with Homer, Lisa becomes inspired by this new, strong woman.
Bart becomes depressed about growing older after losing his last baby tooth, and, following advice from Lisa, deals with his problems by writing slogans on T-shirts. These shirts eventually become popular, and Bart goes into business selling them. Meanwhile, Homer tries to create a science fair project for Lisa.
Mr. Burns cancels the nuclear plant's prescription pill plan, prompting Homer and Grampa to smuggle prescription pills in from Canada. Mr. Burns soon regrets his actions when his faithful assistant Smithers suffers from a goiter and joins Homer and Grampa on one last heist.
Songs: Huey Lewis & The News -- I Want A New Drug, Jefferson Airplane -- White Rabbit
When Moe’s Tavern is shut down by the health department, Homer takes out a second mortgage without consulting Marge to finance the bar’s return, but Marge finds out and decides to protect her investment by becoming Moe's business partner and renovating the tavern into a pub.
After Homer inadvertently performs a wild crowd-pleasing dance at a local carnival, he is hired by several sports figures including Tom Brady, LeBron James, Yao Ming, Warren Sapp and Michelle Kwan to teach them how to showboat. Meanwhile, Flanders creates ultra-violent, ultra-gory Bible movies à la Passion of the Christ.
Bart fakes his own kidnapping to get out of being grounded for going to a rap concert, but the ruse goes too far when Milhouse's father is implemented as the kidnapper.
Homer becomes a minister after Springfield legalizes gay marriage (to boost their damaged reputation for tourists) and Patty comes out of the closet, much to the shock of her sister, Marge, who was naive to her sister's sexuality.
Fed up with Bart’s endless taunting and torture, Lisa files a restraining order against him. Meanwhile, Homer takes over for Grampa as a Sprawl-Mart greeter.
Selma misses her chance to have a baby after the doctor tells her she's menopausal and decides to adopt a child from China. But when Selma lists Homer down as the father, the Simpsons head to China to help Selma get her baby girl.
Marge throws Homer out of the house after he blows the family's insurance money on an RV--which Bart and Lisa drive back to the dealership in an effort to keep the family together.
After Shelbyville accuses Springfield of being hicks, Marge convinces the townspeople to fund a Frank Gehry-designed concert hall, which is then converted to a prison when the concert hall goes bankrupt on opening night. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa investigate Snowball II's recent weight gain.
Through Professor Frink's future machine, Bart and Lisa see their lives in the year 2013, where Bart steals Lisa's chances at going to an Ivy League school in order to impress a skater girl named Jenda while Homer fights Krusty the Clown after Marge begins dating him.
Sick of being unwanted, Homer befriends a man who works as a roofer. The trouble is, no one else can see him and Homer's insistence that the roofer does exist prompts everyone to think he has gone crazy.
Springfield Elementary signs a deal with a snack company to install vending machines in the schools--with Bart taking advantage of the situation to the point that he becomes obese and suffers a heart attack.
Lisa participates in a singing competition with Homer as her manager.
Homer sees a movie about the end of the world and fears the same thing will happen in real life after seeing a chain of random occurences (celebrities ["stars"] falling from the sky, raining blood, a man in a realistic devil costume) and doing a complicated math equation that predicts the end will come on May 18th, but when the end doesn't come, Homer discovers a flaw in the equation and ends up in Heaven where he meets God (again) and learns that God is planning The Rapture.
Ned rents a room to two college girls who, without his knowledge, use the spare room to broadcast live softcore pornographic videos of themselves. Upset that no one in town told him this, Ned moves to the seemingly perfect town of Humble, Pennsylvania, while a brash coach moves into Flanders' house and begins harassing Homer the same way Homer harassed Ned.
Bart gets expelled from school (again) and transfers to a Catholic school, where a hip priest named Father Sean tries to convert Bart and Homer to Catholicism, which worries Marge when she believes that Catholics don't go to the same heaven as Protestants and discovers that Catholic women don't use birth control.