Chalkboard: I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

Bart: (after Homer explains about Doggie Heaven) Hey, wait a minute. Does this have to do anything with Santa's Little Helper?
Marge: Oh, honey, seven hundred and fifty dollars is a lot of money. We really can't afford this operation.
Bart: You're gonna just let him die?
Marge: I know you're upset.
Bart: Darn right, I'm upset!
Marge: Bart! Watch your language! Oh, you did. Sorry.
Bart: I'm not gonna let our dog die and that's it! (leaves the kitchen and mumbles to himself)

Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.

Homer: I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there, Old Yeller, and about eight Lassies.
Bart: Is there a Doggie Hell?
Homer: Well… of course, there couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.
Bart: Who's in there?
Homer: Oh, uh… Hitler's dog… and that dog Nixon had, what's his name, um, Chester…
Lisa: Checkers.
Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one! The one who mauled Timmy!

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?