Chalkboard: I will not spin the turtle

Patty: When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me; I'm open-minded.
Patty: (Dropping the green pen) We won't be needing this.

Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school ten minutes ago.
Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts little dudes.
Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.

Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
Marge: What conversation?
Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
Marge: That's not my voice!
Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Marge: No.
Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?
Marge: No.
Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.