Samantha: Can I have a girl's comic?
Bart: Let's see, how about Mutant Swamp Hags?
Bart: You can read comics with us. Let's see...something for the lady. Ah, Radioactive Man vs. the Swamp Hog.
Samantha: Do you have any girl comics? Like Bonnie Craine, Girl Attorney, Punkin & Dunkin, The Twinkle Twins, or Lil' Kneesocks?
Bart: No, but my sister's got a wide selection of crappy comics.
Lisa: Dad, what if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?
Homer: I'd say you're a lying scumbag, why sweety?
Lisa: Arcording to Eternity Magazine, you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is subtly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.
Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.
Lisa: Dad, do you know what today is?
Homer: The vernal equinox?
Lisa: No! It's been two weeks since you got that tape. Let's get you on the scale!
(Homer gets on the scale)
You've gained thirteen pounds.
Homer: Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!