Chalkboard: I will not bury the new kid

Kent Brockman: Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very virst Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made.

Homer: Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
Bart: Not bloody likely.
Homer: No it's true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.

Marge: We'll bring back dinner.
Lisa: What are we gonna have?
Homer: Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart: Poison pizza.
Homer: Oh, no! I'm not making two stops!