Chalkboard: I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

"Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart" Song

Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome,
There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
Grampa: Hello. (Apu takes his walking stick) Aaah!
Apu: When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophize; Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry about the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
(Apu pulls out a chair Grampa was about to sit on and stands on it)
Grampa: Aaah!
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are Stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They make Dad Sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real… D'oh!
All: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…
Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me!
Homer: Things wrapped up quite nicely, and much earlier than usual.
Apu: (Apu sorrowfully singing) Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart… I dooooo.
Homer: Hey! He lied to us through song, I hate when people do that.

James Woods (on the phone): How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a tightly-wound convenience store clerk to a jittery Eskimo firefighter? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Well, actually that's a pretty good explanation. Okay, look, book me a flight, rent me an igloo, and tell those dorks at the Kwik-E-Mart that boom, I am out of here. I'm a dot, I'm gone, okay? What do you mean I gotta give two weeks notice? Lousy, fricking, no-good mother(bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) cheese!...no, not you, I'm just talking to my oven.

Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: You may ask me three questions.
Apu: That's great, because I only need one!
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: Really!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes--
Homer: You!?
Head Of Kwik-E-Mart: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening to you. Thank you, come again!