Chalkboard: This is not a clue ... or is it?

Couch: A repeat of the couch gag from "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy" where The Simpsons come in from the side and run across a repeat pan of the couch and TV.

Barney: These fumes aren't as fun as beer. Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseous, but where's the inflated sense of self-esteem?
(A man at the end of the bar slumps to the floor)
Moe: Hey, if you guys are getting loaded off them fumes I'm gonna have to charge you.
(Two scientists walk into Moe's Tavern wearing gas-masks)
Male Scientist: Man alive! There are, uh, men alive in here.
Female Scientist: (Holding a beeping detector) I'm detecting over twenty different toxins in the air.
(Barney belches and the detector beeps faster)
Male Scientist: All right, everybody out! As long as Burns is pumping oil, this bar is closed!
Moe: Damn Burns. Let me just get one thing. (Pulls shotgun from behind the bar)
Barney: Me too! (pulls out a gun) Ah, now there's the inflated sense of self-esteem!

Mr. Burns: (unveiling his sun-blocking machine) Imagine it, Smithers… Electrical lights and heaters running all night long!
Smithers: But, sir! Every plant and tree will die, owls will deafen us with incessant hooting, the town's sun dial will be useless! I don't want any part of this project; it's unconscionably fiendish.
Mr. Burns: (startled at what Smithers says) I will not suffer your insubordination! There has been a shocking decline in the quality and quantity of your toadying, Waylon. And you will fall into line now!
Smithers: (irritably) No… No, Monty; I won't! Not until you step back from the brink of insanity.
Mr. Burns: I'll do no such thing. You're fired!

Mr. Burns: (to himself) After all these years, things are starting to go my way. I feel like celebrating… (sees someone) Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about? I see… I think you'd better drop it. I said, drop it! (grunting) Get your hands off!
(Marge walks around the building)
Marge: Where is everybody?
(A gunshot goes off; Mr. Burns comes out walking with his hand on his chest as Jimbo sees him)
Jimbo: Hey, man… Are you okay?
Mr. Burns: (gasping) I won't dignify that with a response…
(Mr. Burns walks to the sundial and falls on it; everyone looks at him)
Selma: Mr. Burns has been shot!
Chief Wiggum: Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all; it's a mask!
(Chief Wiggum starts pulling on Mr. Burns' face, then lets go)
Chief Wiggum: Wait… it IS Mr. Burns. (chuckles) His wrinkly face, it looks like a mask…
Marge: I don't think we'll ever know who did this; everyone in town's a suspect.
(Everybody looks at each other, looking guilty and uncertain)
Dr. Hibbert: (laughs) Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery… Can YOU?
(Dr. Hibbert points at the camera like he's pointing at the people that are watching at home, then the camera backs up and he's really pointing at Chief Wiggum)
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, I'll give it a shot… I mean, you know, it's my job, right?
(The screen then reads "TO BE CONTINUED…" at the end.)

Smithers: (drunk) Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to…a friend. But he fired me! So now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central!
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, dear god!
Smithers: Eh, it's not all that bad… I never miss "Pardon My Zinger".
(Ned puts a blanket around Smithers)
Groundskeeper Willie: Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school! And I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery…
Grampa: Because of him, I lost my room, my things, and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines.
Old Jewish Man: You bastard!
Moe: I lost my bar!
Barney: (pointing to Moe) I lost his bar!
Lisa: He robbed the school of music!
Principal Skinner: He robbed the school of financial security!
Tito Puente: He robbed the school of Tito!
Homer: He can't remember my name!
Marge: He's causing us all to yell!
(Maggie sucks on her pacifier angrily)
Bart: Look what he did to my best friend!
(Everyone gasps and sees Milhouse eating a bag of cheese puffs messily)
Milhouse: Huh?
Bart: No; my dog!
(Everyone gasps again and sees Santa's Little Helper wheel into the building)

Mr. Burns: (after seeing Homer spray-painting all over his office) Who the devil are you?
(Homer loses it, then runs at Mr. Burns and grabs him by the neck, shaking him involuntarily)
Homer: Homer Simpson!
Mr. Burns: What?
Homer: Homer Simpson!
Mr. Burns: What are you talking about?
Homer: Homer…
Mr. Burns: You're not making sense, man!
Homer: Shut up! Homer Simpson!
Mr. Burns: I can't understand a word you're saying!
Homer: My name is Homer Simpson!
Mr. Burns: You're just babbling incoherently…
Homer: My name is Homer… (two guards rush in, restrain Homer, and drag him away) Oh, you're a dead man, Burns. Oh, you're dead. You're dead, Burns!