Chalkboard: No one wants to hear from my armpits
Couch: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Grampa (who’s sleeping), Santa’s Little Helper, and Snowball II are in a nine-square grid as seen in the opening credits of The Brady Bunch. Everyone (except for Grampa, who is still sleeping) runs to the couch, which is located in the center square.
Homer: (to Judge) Okay, I'm never going to win Father Of The Year, in fact, I'm probably the last guy in the world to have kids ... wait, let me rephrase that. I love my kids. I'd do anything for Bart and Lisa.
Judge: And Margret?
Homer: Who? Lady, you must have the wrong file.
Marge: It's Maggie.
Homer: Oh, Maggie. I've got nothing against Maggie.
Mrs. Krabappel: Nelson, you look adorable.
Nelson: I feel like punching myself!
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, stop scratching, you're messing up your hair!...AAH! Lice! How on earth does a boy get head lice in this day and age?
(A flashback shows Milhouse and Bart who are playing with a monkey.)
Milhouse: We bought a wicker basket from Pier One and he was passed out inside.
Bart: Hey, how come I get lice and nothing happens to Milhouse?
(Milhouse is shivering)
Milhouse: So cold, so very, very cold!
Welfare Guy: And you've all passed the drug test. Except for Marge. Marge, you tested positive for crack and PCP.
Marge: Oh my!
Welfare Guy: Okay, the retest says you're clean. Sorry about the mistake.
Marge: The only thing I'm high on is love. Love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need.