Chalkboard: Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

Couch: The Simpsons are five malfunctioning wind-up dolls who buzz and waddle their way to the couch (or at least near it).

Homer: I'm purposely gaining 61 pounds to get on disability!
Marge: Are you out of your mind? Have you thought about your health? Or your appearance?
Homer: So that's it, isn't it, Marge? Looks. I never knew you were so shallow.
Marge: Oh, please. I would love you if you weighed 1000 pounds, but --
Homer: Beautiful! Goodnight!

Arnie Pie: Arnie Pie in the sky with the morning commute. Traffic this morning is as bad as it gets. Due to a fire at the Army testing lab, a bunch of escaped infected monkeys are roaming the expressway. Despite the sweltering heat, don't unroll your windows, 'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable.
Homer: Hee hee hee. I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. Gas break honk. Gas break honk. Honk honk punch. Gas gas gas. (Walks to computer) 8:58, first time I've ever been early for work. Except for all those daylight savings days. Lousy farmers.

Marge: That's it, thats the one, alright, send him on in.
Lisa: Dad...
Homer: Yes, honey?
Lisa: Uh..mm... mom just baked a cake...
Homer: (runs to kitchen) Huh?
Marge: Homer, we need to have a serious chat.
Homer: You dragged me all the way from work for that!

Dr. Nick: If you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain. (looks through clear sheet of paper) Bye bye, everybody!