Bart: Milhouse, do you ever think about the people in those cars?
Milhouse: I try not to. It makes it harder to spit on 'em.
Lisa: Mom, someone threw gum in my hair!
Marge: Are you sure? Maybe it's just shampoo. That washes right out.
Smithers: (collapsed on the floor) Help me.
Dr. Nick: Holy smokes, you need booze. (tosses him change)
Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant.
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin.
Chairman: Misuse of the cadavers.
Dr. Nick: I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.
Moe: Say, Barn, uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: (laughs) Oh yeah, we had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today.
Superintendent Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Principal Skinner: Aurora Borealis.
Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Principal Skinner: Yes.
Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?
Principal Skinner: Oh, erm, no.
Agnes: (offscreen) Seymour! The house is on fire!
Principal Skinner: No, mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
Tall Man: Do you find something comical about my appearance when I'm driving my automobile?
Tall Man: Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. This was the largest auto that I could afford. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?
Nelson: I guess so.
Tall Man: Hey, everybody! Look at this! It's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him!
Crowd: Ha ha!