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The Simpsons
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| Title: | A Milhouse Divided |
| Episode Number: | 159 |
| Season: | 8 |
| Season Episode #.: | 6 |
| Production Number: | 4F04 |
| Original Airdate: | Sunday December 01st, 1996 |
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In a move that will surely cause even more psychological damage for their son Milhouse, Kirk and Luann Van Houten split up in a messy, public way. Each Van Houten deals with the breakup differently: Luann begins dating an American Gladiator named Pyro while Kirk kicks off a new career a singer, self-producing an album called "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" Milhouse, for his part, takes his parents' break-up in stride and loses his mind even more than before. Meanwhile, Homer starts panicking that Marge might one day want to divorce him. To prevent that from ever happening, he files for divorce first and then remarries her in a surprisingly romantic ceremony. Sadly, there's no such happy ending for the Van Houtens, who remain divorced.
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| Reverend Lovejoy: I will now read these special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you, Marge, take Homer, in richness and in poorness, poorness is underlined, in impotence and in potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated... and it goes on like this.
| Luanne: Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story. It's about a man whose father-in-law gave him a sweet job as manager of a cracker factory.
Homer: Bo-ring.
Luanne: A man whose complete lack of business sense, and managerial impotence...
Homer: Ooh, here we go!
Luanne: ...sent the number one cracker factory in town into a tie for sixth with "TableTime" and "Allied Biscuit."
(Marge furtively hides a box of "Allied Biscuit")
| Kirk: You're letting me go?
Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.
Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?"
Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."
| Luanne: If you want to talk nervous, you should've seen Kirk deal with the high-school kids who egged our Bonneville.
Kirk: Ha. Should've asked them to hurl some bacon. Then maybe I could have had a decent breakfast for once.
(Pause)
Homer: You know what you two need? A little comic strip called "Love Is...". It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married.
(Longer pause)
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