Chalkboard: The truth is not out there

Couch: The Simpsons come in on jet packs, with Maggie the last one to land.

Homer: I can't believe it. I'm being mocked. By my own children. On my birthday.
Bart: It's your birthday?
Homer: Yes. Remember, it's the same day as the dog's.
Lisa: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh, we've gotta get you a present. Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
Bart: We love you, boy.
Marge: Good, doggy. Good, doggy,
Homer: Lousy lovable dog.

(When the "alien" is revealed)
Lisa: Stop! You want an alien? This is your alien!
(Lisa shines a flashlight at the alien, which turns out to be a glowing Mr. Burns.)
Mr. Burns (high-pitched voice): Hello, children, I bring you love.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aaaah! It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it!
(Smithers steps in.)
Smithers: Stop! It's not a monster. It's Mr. Burns!
Groundskeeper Willie: Awww. It's Mr. Burns! Kill it! Kill it!

Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.
Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
Grandpa: Ow, it bit me with my own teeth!
Scully: No, this is much more irritating. I've seen enough Mulder, let's go.
Mulder: Yeah okay. But somewhere out there, something is watching us. (Scully rolls her eyes, and leaves) There are alien forces acting in ways we can't perceive. Are we alone in the universe? Impossible. (Hours later) When you consider the wonders that exist all around us, voodoo priests of Haiti, Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia. The unsolved mysteries of ...unsolved mysteries. The truth...is out there!

(The doorbell rings, and Homer is greeted by a large crowd)
Homer: I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the alien. Any questions at all. Dr Hibbert?
Dr. Hibbert: Yes, is the alien carbon based or silicon based?
Homer: Uh, the second one. Zillophone. Next question.
Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus?
Homer: Uh, yes.
Flanders: Were you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane?
Homer: This interview is over!
(Slams door, and the weather vane falls)