Mayor Quimby: You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.
Helen Lovejoy: Oh, won't someone please think of the children?
Maude Flanders: What kind of example are we setting?
Mayor Quimby: Ladies, please. All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine.
Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
Comic Book Guy: Yes, but only by night. By day I'm a mild-mannered reporter for a major Metropolitan newspaper.
Banner: Don't crack wise with me, tubby!
Comic Book Guy: Tubby? Oh, yes. Tubby.
(Moe's bar is disguised as a pet shop during prohibition)
Banner: Pet shop, eh? Well, I have one thing to say about that. What kind of pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1:00 in the morning?
Moe: Er, uh ... the ... best damn pet shop in town!
Homer: Alcohol is a way of life! My way of life, and I aim to keep it!
Wiggum: Sounds like you have a plan.
Homer: Maybe I do, Chief. Maybe I do.
(Bart is standing on his head and watching TV)
Homer: Come on, boy! Think of a plan.
Bart: I'm trying, Dad!