Chalkboard: None

Couch: Bart runs in and spray-paints the family onto the couch, tagging it with an "El Barto" signature, then runs off.

In the original airing of this episode, the book Bart uses for the sacred fire was a Christian Bible. In all reruns and on the season 9 DVD set, an alternate scene was used where the book Bart used for the sacred fire was a hymnal.

Woman: Another bag of potato chips, Mr. Talmidge?
Homer: Also, I think I'm getting a bed sore. What do you have to do to get turned round here (she begins turning him). Hey, what's Lucky hooked up to?
Woman: It's a respirator. It breathes for him.
Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. And how come everyone has a bed pan and I have to walk all the way over there!
Woman: You mean there?
(the toilet is right next to him)

(Apu just revealed he lied to his mother)
Homer: You know what you could do, Apu ...
Apu: Shut up.
Homer: You could fake your own death ...
Apu: Shut up!
Homer: All you need is a bomb...
Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!

Apu: I can't get married, I'm just beginning to enjoy my bachelorhood, what should I do?
Homer: Tell her the truth; you are not ready to get married!
Apu: No, you don't know mother. She will never quit until I am married!
Homer: Then tell her you already got married!
Apu: No, no, no I cannot lie to my mother.
Homer: Then get married. Phew! What do you want from me?