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While enjoying the day at a hands-on science museum, Marge notices that Chief Wiggum's son, Ralph, has no friends and sets him up with Bart, who at first doesn't like Ralph, but soon warms up to him when Bart finds all of Chief Wiggum's police equipment.
Chalkboard: I was not told to do this
Couch: a repeat of the gag from "The Two Nahasapeemapetilons" where Bart spraypaints a drawing of the Simpsons on a wall painted to look like the couch and signs his "masterpiece" El Barto, only in this version, Bart peeks over the TV before he runs in to spraypaint the picture.
Ralph: This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.
Ralph: Wanna play stuffed animal parade?
Bart: Maybe later. Come on, Ralph, your dad's a cop! There must be some cool stuff around here, bullets, dead body photos, what have you.
Ralph: He keeps that stuff in his closet. But he says I'm not allowed in there.
Bart: Did he say I'm not allowed in there?
Bart: (pause) Well, I'm going in anyway!
Homer: (excited) Then me and my friend were about to press it, but the man said not to press it, but we pressed it anyway! And we ran and we hid in this giant tire, we had… and my other friend was already there.
Marge: All right, all right, now, you're over stimulated. Let's get some beer in you, and then it's right to bed.
Homer: Woo hoo! (running around) Beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed!
Troy: Welcome to the Springfield Knowledgeum. I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as 'Welcome to Springfield Airport', and 'Where's Nordstrom?' While you're enjoying our hall of wonders, your car will be unfortunately be subject to repeated (voice fades out)
Homer: What'd he say? What about my car?
Bart: (typing on a keyboard) Hey, how do you get this thing to play blackjack?
Frink: Stop that, you're hurting it.
Bart: So how is it supposed to work?
Bart: Boring. Am I on the Internet?
Frink: No! You can only access the…
Bart: Boring. What's that fire for?