Chalkboard: My butt does not deserve a website

Couch: A parody of the Rocky and Bullwinkle bumpers where The Simpsons fall off a cliff during a lightning storm, their eyes float to the heavens, and they sprout from the ground in front of flowers.

Lisa: I think you're a hero, Dad!
Homer: Well, I couldn't have done it without Bart. Boy, I guess I was wrong about that earring. It saved us all.
Bart: Hey, can I get a tattoo that says "Bite Me"? You never know when it might come in handy!
Homer: I don't think so, son.
Bart: King Cobra?
Homer: No.
Bart: Weapons-grade plutonium?
Homer: Ask your mother.
Bart: Knock-out drops?
Homer: No.
Bart: Ninja death stars?
Homer: Maybe for Christmas.

Tennille: Tell me, young man, what do you want out of life?
(While Tennille was speaking, Homer is trying to reach a bowl of peas from the center of the table.)
Homer: I want peas!
Tennille: We all want peace! But it's always just out of reach.
Homer: (moans) Uh huh?
Tennille: So, what's the best way to get peace?
Homer: With the knife! (Gets his peas)
Tennille: Exactly! Not with the olive branch, but the bayonet! Ha, ha, Simpson, you're like the son I never had.
Homer: And you're like the father I never visit.

Homer: See you in a week!
Lisa: Good luck, Dad! Although I'm morally opposed to the Military Industrial Complex of which you are now a part.
Homer: Aw, that's sweet, honey. I'll bring you back a hat.
Bart: Hey, Homer, bring me back a torpedo.
Homer: No.
Bart: But Flanders got his kids torpedoes!
Homer: Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: But only if you're good! … Even if you're not.

Homer: Well guys, I won't be seeing you for a while.
Barney: Where you going?
Homer: I've joined the Naval Reserve!
Barney: Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too!
Moe: Well I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers. I'm joining too!
Apu: And although my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey! I'm in too!