Chalkboard: None

Couch: Repeat of the couch gag from "Realty Bites" where a live-action left hand (belonging to show creator Matt Groening) grabs the picture of The Simpsons on the couch and spins it into a messy radial blur.

Principal Skinner: Lisa, Channel Six is launching a childrens news program, and they've asked me to select an outstanding student to be anchor child.
Lisa (Gasps): Oh my god! Today's top story, little girl on cloud nine as dream comes true.
Principal Skinner: Lisa, I've selected you to be that child anchor.
Lisa: I know, I already jumped to that conclusion.
Principal Skinner: Alright, if you're so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunch room monitor?
Lisa: Me?
Principal Skinner: Take your sash and go!

(A "Bart's People" segment)
Bart: Joe Banks, 82 years young has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery...the ducks...were gone! Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, near those ducks. But it could be, that there is just no room in this modern world, for an old man...and his ducks.

Lisa: They call her the cat lady, people say she's crazy just because she has a few-dozen cats. But can anyone who loves animals that much really be crazy?
(Lady gets out of house, sees Lisa, and starts throwing cats at her, and chasing her)
Lisa: The old Union Pacific doesn't come by here much anymore.
(Train comes past, displaying the words 'Union Pacific' on each of the 30 or so carriages, when the train fully gets past, the lady with the cats is there, still chasing her)

Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition.
Lisa: That's what Veterans Day is for, Bart.
Bart: But is that really enough to honor our brave soldiers?
Lisa: They also have Memorial Day!
Bart: Oh, Lisa, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, the important thing is that veterans deserve a day to honor them!
Lisa: They have two!
Bart: Well, maybe they should have three. I'm Bart Simpson.