Chalkboard: Butt.com is not my e-mail address (in reruns, this is changed to "butt.butt" since butt.com is an actual website)

Couch: Marge enters with a laundry basket and hangs the other family members (who are wet sheets) on a clothesline above the couch.

Kirk: Hey, is it too late to see the movie stars?
Moe: Nah, no, just, ah, hop that fence, sneak up, and peek in the window there.
Kirk: Alright!
(He goes up to the fence, ready to climb in it and gets shocked)
Moe: (Laughs) I never get tired of that.

Homer: Oh! There's that movie script I wrote… where did you find it?
Alec: On my pillow
Homer: The important thing is… it's got the perfect part for you… either one of you. It's about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct!
Ron: I am not!
Homer: Well. He expressed an interest.
Ron: No I didn't!
Homer: Did too!
Ron: I did not!
Homer: You lie!
Alec: Yeah, Homer, most movie scripts are 120 pages. This has only seventeen. And several pages just have drawings of the time machine.

Alec Baldwin: Nobody knows we're in Springfield, and we wanna keep it that way.
Kim Basinger: Will you promise to keep our secret?
Homer: Absolutely, if you promise to keep mine!
Alec: Okay. What is it?
Homer: I can't read.
Kim: But you just read that card from the grocery agency.
Homer: I recognized the logo!

Studio Executive: (To Ron Howard) What else you got?
Ron Howard: Well, there is this one thing. It's about a killer-robot driving instructor that travels back in time for some reason.
Studio Executive: I'm listening.
Ron Howard: Okay, Okay, well, you see, this robot, he's got a heart-breaking decision to make about whether his best friend lives...or dies.
Studio Executive: (Shrugging) Aah--
Ron Howard: His best friend's a talking pie!
Studio Executive: Sold! Howard, you've done it again!
(He hands over sacks of money.)