Chalkboard: Class clown is not a paid position

Couch: Repeat of the couch gag from "Maximum Homerdrive" where Bart and Lisa are the adults while Homer and Marge are the children (and Maggie is Homer's baby doll).

Doctor: You are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?
Doctor: Uh . . . a little bit, yes.

Marge: All I'm saying is don't get too comfortable. Mr. Burns will be back tomorrow.
Homer: Marge, you're right. We do have to have a party.
Marge: Party? No! No parties!
Homer: What about... par-tay's?
Marge: No par-tays, no shindigs, no keggers, no hootenannies, no mixers, no raves, no box socials!

Smithers: Sir, you deserve the finest doctors in the world. I'm taking you to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.
Burns: Very well, but I'll need someone to watch my house. Who's that fellow who always screws up and creates havoc?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir?
Burns: Yes! The way I see it, he's due for a good performance!

Burns: Smithers old chum, there's nothing like coming home with a clean bill of health. Oh, and sorry about your news.
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
Burns: Do they know how many eggs it laid in your brain?
Smithers: I prefer not to know. Frankly, one is too many.