Chalkboard: A belch is not an oral report

Couch: The couch is sitting in a subway station. The family (seated on a bench) get on the next train that arrives on the track and leave.

Lisa: Mom, Dad's on PBS!
Marge: Hmm? They don't show police chases, do they?
Homer: (fumbling for the right words) Um, it's an honor to give $10,000. Especially now, when the rich mosaic of cable programming has made public television so very, very unnecessary.
the crowd claps
Marge: (knowingly) From now on, one of us always stays home.
Lisa: Agreed.

White: Folks, we've just reached our goal of ten thousand, seven hundred dollars, and it's all thanks to one generous caller ... who didn't leave his name.
Homer: (laughs)
White: But thanks to Insta-Trace, we've learned it's Homer Simpson of 742 Evergreen Terrace. (a picture of Homer appears on the screen)
Homer: (screams) Oh, why did I register with Insta-Trace?

Homer: Gather round, I am going to teach you about religion.
Natives: Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Homer: Please, please. I am just God's messenger and, lo! What a wonderful message it is. Like this one, from the book of P-salms.

Betty White: And if you watch one minute without contributing, you're a thief! A common thief!
PBS Man: Okay, Betty White, calm down.
Betty White: I'm sorry. It's just that these thieves make me so damn mad. You know who you are - THIEVES!