Chalkboard: I will not obey the voices in my head

Couch: The couch has a coin slot on the side. The family sits, and Bart puts a coin in it. The couch then vibrates away, taking the family with them.

Lisa: I had no business hosting the Oscars. After the show, Meryl Streep spit on me!

Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally, I said, "So do it. Either (bleep) or get off the pot."
Narrator: And (bleep) he did.

Homer: And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved running gags.

Marge: We were using fifty dollar bills as toilet paper, and toilet paper as dog toilet paper.

Moe: Oh, Homer was spending money like a teenage Arab. He bought me a Rolex and, uh, Cashmere jeans. I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always trying to score with his wife. So, when do we start filming? (looks at the camera) Oh.

Lenny: Even Bart was throwing dough around. He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other.
Carl: Hey, we ever get that money?

Comic Book Guy: One time, Lisa bought the first edition of "Susan B. Anthony Man." Her check bounced higher than Rubber Girl.

Narrator: Where did the money go? Marge lost much of the family fortune investing in birth control products.
Marge: I learned something. When people reach for their diaphragm, they don't wanna see my picture.

Narrator: Then, another bombshell. An anonymous tipster alerted Uncle Sam that the Simpsons were evading their income taxes.
Apu: (hidden in shadows) Yes, I finked on Homer, but, you know, he deserved it. Never have I seen such abuse of the take-a-penny/leave-a-penny tray.

Jimmy Carter: (rapping) Got a brother named Billy. And my teeth look silly. Break it down, now.

Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist!

This episode is a spoof of the VH1 series Behind The Music. Jim Forbes, who is a narrator for the show, narrated this episode.