Chalkboard: I will not plant subliminal messagores

Couch: Bart arrives at the couch first and places a whoopee cushion under Homer's spot. When the family sits down, Homer sits on the part of the couch with the whoopee cushion underneath and triggers its farting sound. Homer grins sheepishly at Marge, Lisa, and Maggie (who are frowning) while Bart laughs.

Homer: But those Old Springfield squares are just going to make you cut your hair, turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.
Roger: Keith Partridge? Who huddle.
(the band huddles to talk things over)
John: We'll do it!
Bart: Yeah! (Homer and Bart high-five)
John: Just send the car for us.
Homer: What, something wrong with your legs?
Roger: You're right. The walk will do us good.

Phone Lady: Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please make sure you have the correct area code.
Homer: Area code? But it's a local call!
Marge: The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
Homer: 939!? What the hell is that!? Oh, my life is ruined.
Marge: Jeez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
Homer: Oh, if only it were that easy, Marge. (the badger appears at the window) Go away! We got bigger problems now.

Homer: Television broken?
Bart: No. There's a badger in there.
Homer: Badger my ass! It's probably Milhouse. (crawls into the doghouse) Milhouse … Milhouse! (the badger attacks. Homer screams and comes out) It's a badger, all right. Possibly a griffin. Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
Bart: Tons.
Homer: Get it.
Lisa: No, Dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.
Homer: Great idea. Then we should call the doctor about this.
(he lifts his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest that shows his internal organs)
Lisa: How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer: What am I, a tailor?

Kent Brockman (about the people of New Springfield): Scientists say they're also less attractive physically, and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like "oh yeah?" and "come here a minute!"
Homer: Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, come here a minute!
Bart: You come here a minute!
Homer: Oh yeah?

This episode's title is an adaptation of “A Tale of Two Cities”, the 1859 novel written by Charles Dickens.