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The Simpsons
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| Title: | Helter Shelter |
| Episode Number: | 296 |
| Season: | 14 |
| Season Episode #.: | 5 |
| Production Number: | DABF21 |
| Original Airdate: | Sunday December 01st, 2002 |
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Walking through the plant, a section of pipe falls on Homer and damages his brain. Afraid he might sue, Burns offers him the company's skybox tickets for a hockey game. The Simpsons enjoy the luxuries of high sports life, including sushi, hot tubs and massages. Annoyed with the classism, Lisa heads down to ice level to watch the game. She advises a Russian player on how to beat the goalie. He scores and gives her his stick in thanks.
At home, Homer nails Lisa's stick above her bed. During the night, an army of termites pours out of the stick. In the morning, the family finds their house falling apart. An exterminator fumigates the house and tells the Simpsons the house is uninhabitable for six months. Homer decides to move everybody into a hotel. Finding every room in town sold out, the family moves in with Lenny. But he shares a wall with a jai alai court, so they move in with Comic Book Guy. But he freaks them out, so they move into a house on a reality program that simulates life in 1895.
The family has a rough time adjusting to the lack of modern day amenities, but Homer says they have to stick it out because they're on TV. They begin to bond and enjoy their new, austere lives, which TV audiences find boring. The network execs decide a guest star is necessary to revive the show, so they send Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley into the house. That doesn't do it, so the execs pick up the house with a crane attached to a helicopter and dump it into a fast moving river. Eventually, the house goes over a waterfall and washes up on shore. The Simpsons escape just before the house collapses.
| There are no foreign summaries for this episode
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| Chalkboard: Milhouse did not test cootie positive
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| Marge: Can't beat a skybox! All the excitement of being in the sky, with the security of being in a box.
Bart: Oh-ho-ho! This is gonna be the coolest basketball game ever!
Lisa: Actually, it says here we're gonna see hockey.
Homer, Marge and Bart: Noooo!
| Cletus: All right! A people tooth! Open up Gummy Sue! This is your lucky day!
Cletus's Daughter: Now I's like Britney Spears!
| Homer: 1895, forget it! We'd be too late to save Lincoln and too early to save Kennedy.
Moe: You can save McKinley.
Homer: It's not a time machine, Moe!
| (The Simpsons are in Moe's trying to figure out where they can live while their house is being fumigated)
Barney: You know, I heard of a new reality show where they let you live in a home for free.
Carl: Oh, yeah. The gimmick is it's a house from 1895 - and you gotta do everything like they did back then.
Homer: 1895? Forget it. We'd be too late to save Lincoln and too early to save Kennedy.
Moe: You could save Mckinley.
Homer: It's not a time machine, Moe.
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