Couch: The Simpsons sit on the couch, and suddenly grow old, decay, and turn to dust.
(message in the paper for Homer)
Mona: Homer. Your mother loves you. I escaped from the bus the moment before it plunged off the cliff. I then hitched a ride from a nice young couple. We had lunch at a lovely diner. They had clam chowder, Rhode Island style. I never knew there was such a thing! And the crackers kept on coming.
Gil: Now Lisa, would you agree that your grandmother is a sweet, harmless woman who could hardly be considered a menace to society?
Lisa: If you ask me, she's less dangerous than Bart.
Bart: If it please the court, I would like to go ape on my sister.
Homer: Okay, Drought Threatens To Turn West Into Dessert! Yum yum! I think I'd like some whipped cream on my Wyoming!
Lisa: Dad. The word's desert and those farmers are suffering!
Homer: From what? Too much hot fudge? Hah! Yee Hee! Come on Bart show me some love.
Bart: Don't drag me down with you old man.
Homer: I think the government has better things to do than to read my mail.
(cut to agents reading letters from a bag called 'Simpson Mail')
FBI Agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard. You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?"
This episode's title is an adaptation of “My Mother the Car”, an American sitcom which aired on NBC from September 14, 1965 to September 6, 1966 and starred Jerry Van Dyke.