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After the family photo album is destroyed, Marge restages all of the family's photographs, and when a celebrity dating scandal is captured in the background of one of their photos, the Simpsons strike tabloid gold. Tasting success and seeing money to be made, Homer takes to the streets as one of the paparazzi, capturing Springfield's celebrities at their worst.
Couch: In a very long couch gag (clocking in at 2 minutes and 20 seconds), Homer evolves from a single-celled organism which continuously divides to a more complex organism--first as a jellyfish, then a common fish that nearly escapes the clutches of an octopus that looks like Mr. Burns. Getting out of the ocean, Homer evolves into a prehistoric lizard that extends his tongue to snack on an insect that resembles his power plant coworker, Lenny. Homer then evolves into a slightly larger lizard with a scale on his back that sees a pterodactyl resembling Principal Skinner's mother, Agnes, flying overhead. Homer then evolves into a rat that gets chased by a tyrannosaurus rex resembling Bart, who then gets into a battle with a stegosaurus resembling Lisa. Homer hides in a hole just before a large asteroid crashes on Earth, wiping out all dinosaur life. Homer comes out of the hole, passing the skeletal remains of T-Rex Bart, before changing into a sloth, then a monkey as he approaches a jungle, becoming more apelike upon swinging through the trees. Leaving the jungle, a brief Ice Age occurs as he evolves from a Neanderthal, to a Cro-Magnon, to an upright walking caveman. Caveman Homer passes by Moe (who is also a caveman), who then devolves into a rat creature. As Homer continues walking, he evolves into men from different historical eras (a nomad from the Middle Ages, a Spanish explorer, a Pilgrim, and a 19th century intellectual) until he finally reaches the present day, evolves into his modern self, and enters the house, stepping over Santa's Little Helper. With the rest of the family sitting on the sofa, Marge asks him "What took you so long?" Homer sighs in exhaustion.
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
Homer: Look at those celebrities, I've met them all, and yet they don't acknowledge my existence.
Betty White: Hello Homer, have you lost weight?
Homer: Oh like you care Betty White.
Betty White: Tell me, how's Maggie?
Homer: Her name is Marge!
Betty White: I was talking about your baby.
Homer: Oh, uh, she's looking very (Snaps picture) SNAPPY!
Betty White: Thanks for taking my picture. If you want me to sign it, here's a stamped self-addressed envelope, and give Santa's Little Helper a big hug for me.
Homer: (shakes fist) Yeah, that's right, just walk away.
Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)