Cody: Can't you people do anything right?! Maddie, London, get out there and toss the salad!
London: At who?
London: Chef Paolo, my dog hates your food.
Chef Paolo: Let me get this straight, your flea-bitten mongrel is criticizing my food?
London: She spit it out like the kibble it is!
Mr. Moseby: Don't listen to her, she's a dog!
Mr. Moseby: I mean, her dog is a dog! What does she know?!
Mr. Moseby: Well, don't. I just got a tip that the food critic Bernard Bearnaise is coming to the hotel tomorrow. A good review from him will enhance the Tipton's reputation, thus showering me with glory!
Cody: Don't you mean showering Chef Paolo in glory?!
Mr. Moseby: Him too!
Cody: After all, the man's a genius. The things he can do with asparagus... I need a moment!
Zack: You need a life!
Cody: London, get Garry and get Rich.
London: I'm already rich.
Cody: Just get the waiters!
Cody: Zack, go to the tank and get me two lobsters.
Zack: I'll go grab my bathing suit.
Cody: Just reach in and grab them!
Zack: Aw.. that's no fun!
Mr. Moseby: Patrick, we need to stall for time. Take the salad cart out and make the critic a salad.
Patrick: I can't!
Mr. Moseby: Why not?
Patrick: He scares me!
Carey: I'm not that comfortable with you using my children as spies!
Mr. Moseby: Are you comfortable with a caviar omelet?
Carey: (takes a plate) Carry on.
Zack: Cody, there's a supermodel checking in! Come on!
Cody: Uhh I can't, I have a hot duck in the oven.
Zack: Well, I have a hot blonde in the lobby! Which is more important?
Cody: London, boil some water!
London: Right! How do I know when it's boiling?
Maddie: When you stick your hand in it and say "Ow".
The squid sprayed ink out of it's head, but in real life, squids squirt ink from their tentacles.
Usually when you have lobsters, the claws are tied together, so how could it have pinched Zack?
The dog bars London bought for Ivana had chocolate on them, but dogs can't eat chocolate otherwise they'll get sick.