Dane Cook: (talking about a man telling him his dog is loose on an airplane) He leans in and goes, "Your pooch is loose. Your pooch is loose." Okay but he's right here and so many things are throwing me off. I don't know where I am. Who uses the word "pooch"? I didn't know what that word was! I'm like "pooch, pooch." I don't know. But he was saying it so fast too that it sounded like one word so he like "yourpoochisloose." I'm like "We're going to Poochisloose! Where is, have we been reroaded to Poochisloose? I don't even know where that is! This plane's been taken over, they're hijacking us, we're going to Poochisloose!"
Dane Cook: (telling a heckle story) So I hit the stage at about 3:30 in the morning and in the first seat, there's this huge guy. He's like 500 pounds and he's got a grocery bag on both knees. He's got his arms wrapped around them and he stares up at me and there's just this long pause and he finally goes, "You better be funny, man, 'cause I got ice cream." That was like my "Welcome to New York" heckle.
Dane Cook: (telling a story about being heckled by a drunk person) I go, "Dude, what is your deal?" And finally on the third time where I go at the guy he stands up with his bottle and he looks at me and the whole crowd gets quiet because because they don't know if he's gonna throw this bottle at me. And he points and he goes, "I got seven problems, and you're five of them!" (laughs) How am I five? And what are the other two?