Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up - Recap

An unearthly alien noise fills an isolated section of countryside covered in snow. Two patrolmen come to investigate a woman's call about a UFO and find that something, possibly a meteorite, broke through the surface of a pond that has frozen over. Trooper Dan Perry finds footprints leading away from the pond and lets his partner Bill Padgett know. As he calls in, he gets word that a bridge has been closed off due to ice and they need to check it. Padgett and Perry follow the footprints and see them leading to a diner. There's a bus parked outside the diner and they go to check on it. The counterman, Haley, wonders if there's a problem. They talk to the bus driver and inform him about the bridge, and the road is closed off behind him. They tell the passengers to make themselves comfortable, much to the disgust of Ross, who is in a hurry to get to Boston.



The troopers nervously look over the passengers and then ask the driver for a passenger manifest. He doesn't have any such thing but remembers he has six passengers. The troopers note that there are seven passengers in the diner. They talk to Haley who says there was no one in the diner and the driver remembers there wasn't anyone present when he arrived. Ross demands to see a lawyer, but the elderly Avery laughs off the whole thing. Haley hasn't heard anything flying overhead and the troopers note the report about a UFO. Avery thinks the entire thing sounds like a science fiction novel, while the passengers start trying to remember which one of them wasn't on the bus. One woman, Ethel McConnell, suggests that they eliminate the two married couples, since they must have come in together. However, the younger wife, Connie, thinks that her husband looks different. The older husband, Peter Kramer, warns that they'll start turning on each other, but his wife starts to wonder about him as well. Avery notes that Ross is the most suspicious of them all.



Padgett has Haley lock the door and interrogates the suspicious Avery, who is able to answer his baseball question. He then confronts Ethel, who has no identification with her. However, the bus driver notes she was on the bus: she's the only one he noticed. Avery notes that the bus driver, Olmstead, isn't beyond suspicion. Ross says the bus driver miscounted but Olmstead insists there were only six passengers. Suddenly the jukebox starts up on its own and then stops, and the lights flicker.

The troopers step outside as the snow stops while Haley admits he doesn't know anything about jukeboxes. Avery mockingly talks to the jukebox as the troopers come back inside to report that the bridge looks fine. Olmstead doesn't believe it but is interrupted when the lights go out again and the jukebox starts up on its own. Padgett insists they need to locate the alien before anyone leaves. Ross starts to snap at everyone and tempers are frayed, and the lights start flickering again. The sugar jars explode and the phone rings... Padgett answers it and gets word from the county engineer that the bridge is okay. The troopers have no choice but to let them go and Olmstead gets everyone on the bridge despite his concerns about it. The troopers offer to go on ahead to guide them on. Everyone pays up and they leave.



Later in the diner, Ross walks in as Haley tends shop. The counterman wonders what happened and Ross explains that the bridge collapsed, plunging the bus and the state police car into the river. Only Ross escaped, but Haley notes that he isn't even wet. Ross doesn't understand what "wet" means and then uses a concealed third arm to light his cigarette and drink his coffee. He mentally shuts off the jukebox and makes the phone ring. "Ross" then explains that he isn't really human, but was sent as an advanced scout by a Martian colonization fleet.



However, Haley seems less than concerned. He says he has some waiting to do, as he isn't "Haley." He admits that the people on Venus had the same idea several years ago, and that his fleet has intercepted the Martian fleet. He then removes his hat to reveal that he has a third eye, and starts laughing triumphantly.



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