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The Twilight Zone: Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up

Seven people gathered at a diner all claim to have been passengers for a bus trip although only six should be on board, leading to panic after a UFO was sighted in the area.

Episode Info

Episode number: 2x28
Production Number: 173-3660
Airdate: Friday May 26th, 1961


Guest Stars
John HoytJohn Hoyt
As Ross
Barney PhillipsBarney Phillips
As Haley
William KendisWilliam Kendis
As Olmstead
Jean WillesJean Willes
As Ethel McConnell
Jack ElamJack Elam
As Avery
John Archer (1)John Archer (1)
As Trooper Bill Padgett

Co-Guest Stars
Bill ErwinBill Erwin
As Peter Kramer
Morgan Jones (1)Morgan Jones (1)
As Trooper Dan Perry
Gertrude FlynnGertrude Flynn
As Rose Kramer
Jill EllisJill Ellis
As Connie Prince
Ron KiplingRon Kipling
As George Prince
Main Cast
Rod SerlingRod Serling
As Narrator/Host


An unearthly alien noise fills an isolated section of countryside covered in snow. Two patrolmen come to investigate a woman's call about a UFO and find that something, possibly a meteorite, broke through the surface of a pond that has frozen over. Trooper Dan Perry finds footprints leading away from the pond and lets his partner Bill Padgett know. As he calls in, he gets word that a bridge has been closed off due to ice and they need to check it. Padgett and Perry follow the footprints and see them leading to a diner. There's a bus parked outside the diner and they go to check on it. The counterman, Haley, wonders if there's a problem. They talk to the bus driver and inform him about the bridge, and the road is closed off behind him. They tell the passengers to make themselves comfortable, much to the disgust of Ross, who is in a hurry to get to Boston...

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Episode Notes
John Archer is the father of actress Anne Archer.

Jack Elam is best known for such movies as Support Your Local Sheriff!

John Hoyt is best known as Grandpa Stan Kanisky from the TV series Gimme A Break! He previously starred in another Twilight episode, "The Lateness of the Hour."

The story was rewritten from an earlier script by Rod Serling called "The Night of the Big Rain." Originally, after the rewrite, it was titled "Nobody Here but Us Martians."

Fantasy author Ray Bradbury gets another in-joke reference when Avery mentions that the whole thing is like a "Bradbury story."

The bus is labeled "Cayuga Bus Co.," the name of Twilight Zone's production company.

Barney Phillips was also in "The Purple Testament," "A Thing About Machines" and "Miniature."

Bill Kendis is also in "The Fever."

Gertrude Flynn would go on to appear in the 1985 TZ episode "Dead Run."

Episode Quotes
Opening Narration
Wintry February night, the present. Order of events: a phone call from a frightened woman notating the arrival of an unidentified flying object, and the check-out you've just witnessed with two state troopers verifying the event, but with nothing more enlightening to add beyond evidence of some tracks leading across the highway to a diner. You've heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack? Well, stay with us now and you'll be a part of an investigating team whose mission is not to find that proverbial needle, no, their task is even harder. They've got to find a Martian in a diner, and in just a moment you'll search with them, because you've just landed in the Twilight Zone.

Trooper Perry: The bridge up ahead has been declared temporarily impassable. Ice flow stacked up against. Another pound of weight and it could be driftwood.
Bus Driver: That's rough. Can't turn around and go back. There's a slide up there at the turnoff. Blocked the whole road.
Haley: Looks like you're kinda marooned.
Trooper Perry: Till morning, anyway.
Ross: Till morning? I've got to be in Boston at nine a.m.
Bus Driver: Then you better start walking, mister, cause that bus stays out there until they fix the bridge. Either that or have them drop some snowshoes.
Trooper Perry: You might as well all get comfortable and get a little hot food in you.
Ross: Oh, that's just great. That's fine, isn't it? Get comfortable and get a little hot food in you. That's precious little consolation for missing my meeting in Boston. That's a fine little bus line you work for, isn't it? They care so much about their schedules, don't they?
Bus Driver: I wouldn't be too hard on them, mister. They have no control over the snow, bridges, the sides of hills that decide to come down. That's pretty much out of their hands.
Trooper Perry: Which one of you wasn't on the bus?
Ross: We were all on the bus. What kind of interrogation is this anyway? If we're going to be grilled, I want to talk to a lawyer.
Old Man: That's a good one! First he wants snowshoes, then he wants a lawyer.
Ross: I don't remember seeing you on the bus.
Old Man: That's quite funny, cause I don't remember seeing you neither. Makes one of us a liar, don't it?
Ross: This is preposterous. What difference does it make who was on the bus and who wasn't or whether there were six or seven or a hundred and twenty. Is this a diner or Gestapo headquarters?
Trooper Bill Padgett: You were all on the bus together. You would have known who the other passengers were.
Bus Driver: That don't cut any ice. They loaded in the snow at Hook's Landing. To tell you the truth, I don't know who got on.
Old Man: She's just like a science-fiction, that's what she is. A regular Ray Bradbury! Six humans and one monster from outer space. You wouldn't happen to have an eye in the back of your head, would you?

Trooper Bill Padgett: Driver, um, have you got a passenger manifest?
Bus Driver: Passenger manifest? What do you think I got parked out there? A 707? Mister, that's a fourteen year old bus and business is lousy. My boss would run rum across the border if there was a profit in it. I don't ask passengers their names. We kiss 'em gently and help 'em in. We're that glad to have 'em, with or without names.
Trooper Perry: Know how many you had?
Bus Driver: Six. Unless one of 'em fell out the window when we hit a bump. I picked up six and I'm supposed to deliver six.
Trooper Bill Padgett: (glances around) Nobody fell out. Somebody must've jumped in. There are seven here now.
Bus Driver: (rises, silently counts the customers) That's funny. I know I had six people.

Haley: Something for you?
Ross: Coffee, black.
Haley: One coffee, black. Hey, didn't you, what I mean is, didn't you go out on that bus?
Ross: I did indeed. Oh, yes, I went out on that bus. And do you know something? That bridge wasn't safe. It collapsed. The state police car, the bus, everything - kerplunk. Right into the river. Terrible scene. No one got out.
Haley: Except you.
Ross: Except me. Lucky I guess, huh?
Haley: Very lucky. But, but...
Ross: But what?
Haley: You're not even wet.
Ross: Wet. What's wet?
Haley: What do you mean what's wet? You landed in the river but your clothes are all dry.
Ross: Illusion, that's all. Just an illusion. Like that jukebox playing in the corner. That's an illusion, too. (The jukebox stops) Or that telephone ringing. (The telephone rings) That's an illusion. Just a parlor trick.
Haley: What are you, some kind of magician?
Ross: Who, me? Oh, hardly. (Reveals his third arm) Now, before you faint dead away, I ought to explain that the name isn't really Ross, and I wasn't really going to Boston. No, I was sent as a kind of an advance scout. You know these cigarettes, do you call them, they taste wonderful. We haven't got a thing like this on Mars. That's incidentally where I come from. We're beginning to colonize. My friends will be arriving very shortly. I think they're going to like it here. It's a lovely area, so remote, so pleasant, so off-the-beaten track. Just the perfect spot for a colony, don't you think, Mr. Haley? While we're waiting, how about a little of what you call music?
Haley: I don't mind. I have to do a little waiting myself. You see, Mr. Ross, my name isn't Haley, and I do agree with you. This is an extraordinary place to colonize. We folks on Venus had the same idea. We got it several years ago. And I think I really ought to tell you now that your friends are not coming. They've been intercepted. Oh, a colony is coming, but it's from Venus, and if you're still alive I think you'll see how we differ. (Takes off his hat, revealing third eye) And I agree with you about what they call music. Why don't you play some?

Closing Narration
Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his mouth, if either of these two entities walks onto your premises, you'd better hold their hands - all three of them - or check the color of their eyes - all three of them. The gentleman in question might try to pull you into... the Twilight Zone.

Episode Goofs
When they all first tried figuring out who the "extra" person was in the restaurant that didn't get off the bus, the husbands/wives starting doubting whether their spouse was really that person or the alien, not knowing if their husband/wife was with them!

Cultural References
Title: "Will the Real _____ Please Stand Up?"
Actually, both this episode and the rap single take their title from the famous tag line of the game show To Tell The Truth, where the host asks the actual person being talked about to reveal themself.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorRod Serling
Executive ProducerRod Serling
ProducerBuck Houghton
Make-upWilliam Tuttle
Set DecoratorH. Web Arrowsmith  |  Henry Grace
Director of PhotographyGeorge T. Clemens
Art DirectorPhilip Barber  |  George W. Davis
Production ManagerRalph Nelson
Sound EditorFranklin Milton
Main Title ThemeMarius Constant
Film EditorLeon Barsha
SoundWilliam Edmondson
Assistant DirectorE. Darrell Hallenbeck
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